Bloodstains on My Hands
by somewhereinthedreams
Summary: Everything felt so surreal. Like she was trapped in a bad dream, only as more time passed, she wasn't sure she was ever going to wake up. Set post-Season 2. Paige centric.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I've literally been planning this fic for months and am unreasonably excited to finally start posting it. Thanks to GhostWriter62 and lovelyMary for letting me bounce ideas off them and pick their brains about plot points and to everyone else that put up with my vague musings. I often say that fanfic is cathartic and this was/is my way of coping with the finale. **

**This starts immediately after the finale and is completely canon, but with a different interpretation of a few things...which will be further explained in my next author's note. Let me know what you think :) Also, when I wrote this, I was keeping track of the days...for multiple reasons, but mainly so I could get a clearer timeline on things. If anyone is interested in knowing what day it is, let me know and I can include it. And if anyone is wondering, the title comes from a line in a Megadeth song, "Sweating Bullets," but the lyrics really have nothing to do with this other than that one line.**

* * *

Paige brushed her damp hair back from her face as she ran down the hall towards Mike's hospital room, her wet shoes echoing down the empty hall. Briggs was overreacting. Mike was fine. Well, not _fine_. But they would fight and he'd throw her out of her hospital room. Because apparently fighting when he was in the hospital was their thing. But Mike was fine. He'd be pissed she turned him in, but he was fine. As soon as she saw that he was okay, she'd leave. She just needed to see him for two seconds. Sid wasn't going to hurt Mike. He was just going to arrest him and place him under police custody. Wasn't he? But what if Briggs was right? What if Sid tried to hurt Mike?

"_Paige, what happened with Mike? Huh? What did you do?" Briggs demanded._

"_Sid. I gave him the name," Paige confessed, her voice filled with shame and regret. She did the one thing that Mike might not ever be able to forgive her for. But Mike trusted the system. Trusted the guilty would be punished and the innocent would go free. He couldn't hate her forever for using his own logic on him. But as the seconds ticked by, she became less sure of her decision and her anxiety for Mike's safety increased._

All she wanted was for Mike to be arrested. For him to have to pay for what he did. The Mike she knew was gone. He had been for some time. Learning that he forged Lina's letter confirmed her worst fears. Lina was dead and Mike covered up her murder. If Mike was willing to cover up a murder, lie to her and to Lina's family, she didn't know what else he was capable of. Saying that Mike was obsessed with Sid was an understatement. Mike was determined to with pin everything on him. How far was he willing to go? Did Mike have it in him to carry out the bloodbath at the Solano's all so he could pin _something_ on Sid? Mike had nothing to lose. His career was tanking fast and maybe Mike decided to level the playing field by playing just as dirty.

She didn't know anymore. She used to know. But now, now she wasn't sure.

All she needed was to see him with her own eyes and then maybe they could find a way to start working through things. If he was innocent, she'd help him prove it. And if he wasn't, he'd understand why she did what she did. What she didn't understand was why Briggs was so panicked. It was wrong of her to turn Mike over to Sid, she should've handled it better. She should've made Briggs do it. Or done it herself. Maybe it was petty, but she got a sick sense of satisfaction in knowing that the man that arrested Mike was the one Mike would give _anything_ to arrest.

Paige stopped in front of Mike's room and she looked around wondering why there wasn't anyone from the LAPD outside Mike's door. This floor should be crawling with police officers. She was positive Sid would've left to arrest Mike as soon as he got a chance. Maybe Sid wanted to make sure all of his paperwork was in order before arresting him. Or he hadn't believed her that Mike was actually here. Paige shook her head and entered the room, looking around the empty room in confusion. The nurse had told her Room 312. Paige stepped back in the hall to double-check the room number outside the door. 312. A nurse was walking by and Paige stopped her, "Excuse me, is this Mike Richards' room?"

The nurse hesitated for a second before answering, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but Mike Richards didn't make it."

Paige stared at the nurse in disbelief, positive she had heard her wrong. "Didn't make it? Didn't make it back from tests? Is he in surgery or police custody?" Mike needed medical attention. Sid had no business taking Mike downtown in his condition.

"Mike Richards coded earlier, we tried to revive him..."

The nurse kept talking but nothing registered. Her eyes filled with tears she shook her head back and forth. "No, no, no," Paige whispered with a shaky breath. "There must be some sort of mistake. Mike _isn't _dead." Mike couldn't be dead. She just saw him. He was in bad shape, but he was alive when she left him. The nurse was wrong. There had to be some sort of mistake. Or maybe there was another Mike Richards. "Can you check to see if he was moved or if he's in surgery? He's in some trouble, did someone come to arrest him? I'm with the DEA, I want to see his paperwork." Paige reached in her pocket and came up empty handed, remembering that she left her badge at home.

"I'm sorry, but Mike Richards - "

"Stop apologizing! I want to see his paperwork. I don't have my badge, but I swear, I'm a DEA Agent. Can you at least check? See if he's in surgery or if he was moved? Or if he was arrested?" There had to be some sort of explanation. Mike wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. Wouldn't she know if he was dead? Wouldn't she feel it? Or were things so fractured between that she wouldn't?

The nurse gave her a sad smile, "The Mike Richards I'm talking about had a gunshot wound and problems with his lungs. I was in his room earlier. The time of death was 7:14pm. I'm sorry. Is there someone I can call for you?"

"_The time of death was 7:14pm." _

Paige felt like she couldn't breathe. Mike was dead. Only he couldn't be dead. She just saw him a few hours ago. He hadn't been in the greatest shape, but he made it to the hospital. He wasn't dead. He couldn't be dead. He wasn't dead.

Mike was a liar. He betrayed her. He broke her heart. She was so furious with him right now. But he wasn't be dead. They had to fix things. Things couldn't end between them like this.

"Miss, I'm sorry. But Mike Richards had lead poisoning. His lungs collapsed. He - "

"He's not dead!" Paige shrieked, drawing the attention from a pair of nurses walking down the hall. But she didn't care if she made a scene. Didn't care if people stared. Whatever it took to get her to see Mike, she'd do it. "I want to see him. I need to see him." There was a mistake. Out of all the aliases Briggs could've chosen, he managed to choose one that had the same injuries as Mike. What were the odds of that happening?

"His body was taken to the morgue. I'm sorry, but without approval, you can't see him."

"Take me to him!"

"Paige?" Briggs asked, rushing towards her.

Paige ran towards Briggs, "Do you have your badge? Show her your badge," Paige demanded. Briggs could fix this. He could get her into see Mike and she would see that it was all a mistake. It would be a different Mike Richards and everything would be fine. Mike would still be angry at her, but they could figure things out later. "She said Mike's dead. He's not dead. He's not dead!" Maybe if she repeated the words enough times, it would make them true. Mike wasn't dead. He wasn't dead. "I want to see him. Show her your badge! Did you hide Mike?" Maybe that was all this was. Briggs was hiding Mike from the police until he could clear his name.

"Paige, kiddo, I need you to calm down. Take a deep breath," Briggs soothingly said. "Release it slowly." He gently placed his hand on her shoulder and her blood ran cold. Paige jerked away from him and her eyes filled with tears.

No.

Paige stepped back and shook her head, refusing to believe Mike was gone. He couldn't be. "Do something!"

"Paige, calm down."

"Calm down? She's saying Mike's dead. How am I supposed to calm down?"

Briggs waved away the nurse and placed his hands on her shoulders. She saw the pain and regret in Briggs' eyes. He had something difficult to tell her. Something she didn't want to hear. There was only one thing he could tell her that would put that look in his eyes.

"I saw him," Briggs quietly said, his voice thick with emotion.

"No..." Paige started to pull away, feeling like her legs were going to give out on her. If Briggs didn't say the words, it wasn't true. "Don't...please. Don't," Paige whimpered. "Don't say it."

Briggs tightened his grip on her shoulders, "I - I walked into the room and the monitors were going off," Briggs said. "Paige, I'm sorry, but he's gone."

"Stop saying that!" Paige cried. "He's not gone. I just saw him."

"Paige, he coded. The doctors did everything they could, but they couldn't save him."

Couldn't save him.

Mike was gone. Really gone. She couldn't imagine a world without Mike. He made mistakes, so many mistakes, but that didn't mean he deserved to die.

Things weren't supposed to play out this way. Sid was supposed to arrest Mike. Mike was supposed to heal. Clear his name if he was innocent about the Solanos. She couldn't make him pay for covering up Lina's death and faking her disappearance, but Sid of all people arresting him was punishment enough.

"_So this is the infamous Levi?" Paige called out from the bathroom stall. She heard all about the rookie's nickname and how he was embarrassed about it. She was definitely going to have fun with him. Teasing him. Hazing him. He was cute too. She might even break her own rule about dating housemates and see if he was a good kisser._

"_It's Mike."_

What the hell happened to the Mike she knew last summer? That nine year old kid with a dream?

"_The FBI is the best law enforcers in the world. Every day, they put bad people in prison and protect America. They make sure the President is safe. If there is a crime, the FBI stops it. The most important thing to an FBI agent is truth and justice."_

"Mike's family," Paige whispered. "I should call them." He didn't talk about his family much, outside of his grandfather and he was gone. She got the impression that things were strained with his parents, especially his dad. He never mentioned any siblings. But it wasn't like she ever mentioned her brother. But still, how could she not know for sure if Mike had any siblings? How the hell did she live with someone and sleep with him for weeks and not know if he was an only child?"

"I'll take care of notifying Mike's family," Briggs said.

Paige nodded, relieved she wouldn't have to make that call. She didn't want to have to be the one to break their hearts. Paige closed her eyes, feeling guilty for even thinking of herself at a time like this. Mike was gone and all she could do was feel relieved she didn't have to call his parents? What kind of person was she? "I want to see him." She needed to say goodbye. She hadn't gotten a chance to say goodbye. How do you say goodbye to a person that meant everything to you but they betrayed you in the worst way possible? She needed to see him.

Briggs reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Are you sure?"

"It's Mike," Paige whispered. "I - I - I have - "

Briggs wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly as she broke down in his arms. "I know. Tell me what you need."

She needed Mike to be alive. And he wasn't. Everything felt so surreal. Like she was trapped in a bad dream, only as more time passed, she wasn't sure she was ever going to wake up.

Mike wouldn't.

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**check my bio page to see what else I'm working on**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I almost never post during the day, but I finished editing last night so I figured I'd put this up now.**

**So...now an explanation. The whole premise of this fic rests on the idea that Paige didn't give Sid Mike's name so he would kill him. That's what I meant by a different interpretation of things in my previous author's note. I had to talk myself into believing that's what she did for this fic, even though it didn't play out that way on air. Someone asked if I think Paige intended for that to happen...and I'm not sure if the question refers to this or the show. For the fic, no...for the show yes. **

**Thanks everyone for reading and reviewing...as always, let me know what you think.**

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Paige stood in front of Graceland, feeling at unease for the first time since she moved in. Just the thought of going inside and knowing that Mike would never step foot inside again, there was too much finality to it. She couldn't do it. There were too many memories.

"_That dress is doing a lot of things to me by the way," Mike said, closing his file as he appreciatively looked her up and down._

"_There's a lot of deer out there. Helps to be the headlight." She would've worn this dress regardless of the effect it had on Mike. Things were so new between them, not even a day, but she loved the way he was looking at her. Like he was rethinking work and wanted to drag her upstairs and get her out of this dress. And if she could get Mike Warren to think about something that had nothing to do with this bus case, she considered the day a success. _

"_So it's like a - " _

"_It's like a - you wanna be my deer?" Paige grabbed Mike's shirt, pulling him closer for a kiss. She didn't really mind that he was cocky. She liked a man that knew what he wanted. She liked this confident version of Mike._

"_Mmhmm."_

"_I'll be your headlight." They quickly stepped apart when they heard someone at the door._

They didn't get a lot of days like that. Days where they could have light, flirty moments without dealing with the stress of the case. They barely had moments that weren't interrupted.

Paige walked around to the back of the house and was staring out into the ocean, trying to make sense of things. She watched the rain beat down on the ocean, not moving to shelter herself from the rain. She actually welcomed the cold from the rain. The cold sting of the rain made her feel something other than emptiness.

Her eyes drifted along the stretch of shoreline, remembering all the walks they had taken along the beach. They had made the most of their beach locale and whenever they could, they'd throw around a football or frisbee. Or have a bonfire with everyone to unwind. Mostly last summer. This summer there hadn't been time for much socializing once the case picked up. Not that they were even on friendly terms these past few months.

She could barely stand to look at him. And now he was gone.

Paige hugged herself as she cried for Mike. Right now she didn't care about the case or the lies. It didn't matter that he wasn't the same man she knew from last summer. From earlier this summer. It wasn't like she was the same person either. Right now all she could think about was that Mike was gone. Maybe it made her a hypocrite to mourn a man she wrote off. A man she turned over to the police because she couldn't take his lies anymore. Not that she had been truthful with him. She lied to him about shutting down Sulla. About what she said to get him out of Sulla's.

Kind of.

"_You know, I forgive you for everything that happened and for everything between us. I forgive you, so, if you're going in there for me, don't," Paige said, watching Mike absorb every word. She could tell he was questioning her sincerity, but he desperately wanted to believe her. She meant it when she told Briggs she'd get Mike out of there. She supposed she should feel bad for manipulating him, but she needed to make sure he was out of there before the raid, just in case things went wrong. _

She had wanted to forgive him. Wanted what she said to be true. She felt guilty, knowing that him moving into Sulla's compound wasn't for the case, it was for her. He spent weeks in that hellhole, because of her. Trying to earn her forgiveness. And she hadn't been able to forgive him. Partly because she was stubborn. Mostly because she needed somewhere to direct her anger and for whatever reason it was easier to direct it at him. Not that she wasn't angry at the people actually responsible for exploiting her girls, because she was. But she could actually _be_ angry at Mike. She understood what Mike was doing and why he didn't shut it down. She couldn't wrap her mind around the actions of the men that were truly responsible. Couldn't face them. Couldn't hold them accountable. So instead, she took her anger and frustration out on him.

It wasn't fair of her to be angry at Mike. He didn't want those girls in there any more than he did. Her problem was that he was willing to keep them in there longer in order to permanently shut it down. She wasn't. She wasn't fair about a lot of things. She made a promise to Lina that she couldn't keep. That wasn't on Mike, that was on her.

Paige closed her eyes for a few seconds, not wanting to think about Lina right now. She could barely keep it together. She didn't need to drown in guilt for Lina, in addition to her grief for Mike.

"_...lead poisoning. His lungs collapsed..."_

She blinked rapidly, letting the rain mingle with her tears.

"_I'm just gonna - I'm just gonna rest for a minute." Mike gingerly laid on the floor, clutching his side, facing away from her._

"_No, Mike - " _

"_No, it's okay - I just, just a little bit until the storm passes and then I'll go." _

_Why was he so stubborn? He needed to go to the hospital. She covered him up with his jacket, wishing she had something with her to make him more comfortable. Painkillers. A pillow. Something. Anything. Because apparently he couldn't stand the sight of her. She was trying to apologize, but he didn't want to hear it right now. But that was okay. They could sort things out later. Mike would go to the hospital, get fixed up. She'd even do his turn on the chore wheel for a few weeks when he came home. "Okay. Okay." _

Only things weren't okay. She should've insisted driving him to the hospital. "He might've gotten there in time," Paige whispered. If the had gotten to the hospital earlier, he would've gone into surgery earlier. Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't he have just accepted her help?

Why?

Why Mike?

Even with everything he did and everything he might've done, he deserved more than being shot by a Solano guard. He had so many dreams and goals and all of that was gone now.

"_I wanted to be an FBI agent my entire life. I finally made it, and then I got this assignment, and the longer I stayed here, I realized it's wrong. But I am an FBI agent, and this is my job."_

Truth and justice. Somewhere along the way, Mike got lost. But none of that mattered any more.

Nothing mattered.

* * *

"Do you think Mike actually did it?" Johnny asked, tapping his fingers against his beer bottle. "I can't wrap my head around it."

"If he didn't, he's gonna need our help. And if he did, he's still gonna need our help," Jakes said. He wasn't sure the kid had it in him to be so ruthless. Yeah, Mike had a hard on for the case, but he couldn't see him staging a massacre and gunning down LAPD officers all to get Sid. Mike would never murder several people so he could pin it on another person. That wasn't Mike. Maybe he would bend the law a little. Ignore the guidelines from his precious FBI manual, a little. He could see Mike framing Sid for a murder someone else committed, but not killing someone to frame Sid. There was no such thing as killing someone, _a little_.

"Where's Paige?" Briggs asked, entering the kitchen. "Paige!"

"I thought I heard her car a while ago, but I haven't seen her. She took off right after you did. Where'd you go? Everything okay with Mikey?" Johnny asked.

"Her car is here, find her," Briggs said. "I'm going to go get Charlie. I want everyone downstairs in five."

"You're sure you didn't see her come in?" Jakes asked. "Call her cell and check upstairs. I'll look out back."

"It's been raining since she left, Paige isn't outside."

"Probably not, but I'll check." Jakes set down his drink and wandered towards the back in search of Paige. Something was wrong. Very, very wrong. Briggs looked like he was about to snap and Paige was MIA.

* * *

Paige jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Mike?" Paige turned, the hopeful smile falling from her face when she saw Jakes. For a second she thought that maybe the past few hours hadn't happened. That it was a nightmare or something. Because even though she wanted to see Mike at the hospital, the more she thought about it, she couldn't. She couldn't look at him like that. Didn't want the last time she saw him for him to be lying in the morgue.

"How long have you been out here?" Jakes asked, his eyes filled with concern.

She stared at Jakes blankly for a few seconds, his words not really registering as she slowly looked around. "How long?" She wasn't even sure how she made it home. Everything after she left the hospital was a blur. She must've sat in her car crying for at least an hour before driving home. She couldn't remember anything about her drive. Couldn't remember if the roads were bad. Or if there was an accident on the freeway. Or what traffic was like. If she remembered to do a heat run. Hopefully no one was following her. "Since I got home?"

Jakes touched her face, searching her eyes. "You're soaked, you should come inside."

Paige shook her head, "I'm fine out here." The last place she wanted to be was inside.

"Briggs just got home, he wants to talk to everyone."

"Did he tell you? About..." Paige's voice trailed off as she started crying again.

Jakes gently squeezed her shoulder, "I don't think Levi did this."

"It doesn't matter." Not really. Mike being innocent wouldn't bring him home. Paige turned away from Jakes so she could continue staring at the ocean. Her eyes landed on a surfboard leaning against the dock. "Mike's a horrible surfer."

Was.

Mike _was_ a horrible surfer. It was one of the few things he had trouble learning. He picked up everything else so quickly.

Mike laughed good naturedly whenever anyone teased him about being the worst surfer in the house, but she could tell it secretly bothered him. But Mike wisely didn't point out that Jakes was really the worst surfer in the house. He just took the teasing in stride. Like he did whenever anyone called him Levi. That was the Mike she knew. Easygoing. Not someone so obsessed with keeping his cover _with his roommates _that he would forge a letter and include a fingerprint from a dead body. That was something she knew for a fact he did.

How could he betray her like that?

Lie to her.

He _knew_.

Out of everyone in this house, he _knew_ how much Lina meant to her. She understood why he wanted to keep the case open. Because she would've shut down Sulla's in a heartbeat if she knew the truth about Lina. She understood his desperation to tie everything together. To link Sulla and Solano. The importance of saving tinker bells that hadn't arrived yet. But for the tinker bells that were already here, their lives were in danger _now_. At what point did their lives matter? What point did their lives matter more than the case? Than his career? Did they?

"_Do you know what I told Abby the first night you met her?" _

"_Yeah, some ironic trash about me being real."_

"_Except for it wasn't trash. I meant it. Unlike the rest of us, there is always gonna be a part of you that's uncomfortable with the lies, and I like that about you, so don't lose it." Mike was doubting himself. Doubting he fit in. Clinging to the idea of Abby, that somehow Abby knew him, but she couldn't. She never would. Not like the rest of them knew Mike. But now Mike was lying to them. If there were five people in the world he could be completely honest with it was them._

"_I'm trying, all right? I'm just going about it in all the wrong ways."_

It wasn't fair to hold Mike to an impossible standard. To expect him to be the same rookie that couldn't even ask her if the DEA expected her to sleep with Bobby Moi. He had grown. Changed. Become comfortable with the lies. Stared down the barrel of a gun too many times to count and had _always_ come out on the other side. He pinned his whole career on this case. They all bent the law to win their case. Planting counterfeit money. Robbing a bank. That was bending the law. Covering up a murder. Planning a massacre. Those were lines she never thought Mike would be capable of crossing.

That wasn't the Mike she knew.

"_The Mike Warren that you are talking about does not exist, Johnny." _

Mike didn't exist.

"_Mike Richards coded earlier, we tried to revive him..."_

"_Paige, he coded. The doctors did everything they could, but they couldn't save him."_

Paige placed her hand on her chest, her heart was racing and felt like it was about to beat out of her chest. She could hear Jakes talking but couldn't focus on his words. It as if she was in a fog.

"Paige, are you listening to me? Love, you're starting to scare me." Jakes shrugged off his hoodie and placed it over her shoulders.

Turning to face Jakes, she had a flash of lightheadedness and she reached out to grab his arm to steady herself.

"You're shaking, you need to get inside," Jakes said, his firm tone leaving no room for discussion.

He started to lead her towards the house and she pulled away from him. "Mike - " She took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing, but her breaths were becoming more and more shallow. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Let's go inside."

Paige closed her eyes for a few seconds, taking one deep breath after another. Feeling a little steadier, she opened her eyes. "He's gone, Jakes. He's gone. Mike's gone."

Jakes pulled her into his arms, tightly wrapping his arms around her, holding her as she sobbed. She wasn't sure how long they stood there. Five seconds. Five minutes.

"Paige..."

"I didn't get him to the hospital in time. This is my fault. This is all my fault."

"Listen to me, this wasn't your fault." Jakes pulled back slightly to kiss her on the forehead. "You're not responsible for this. You're not the one that shot him."

"If I had insisted on driving him to the hospital, he might have gotten there in time," Paige cried. She shouldn't have listened to Mike when he said he was okay to wait.

"It wasn't your fault. We're gonna go inside now." Jakes put his arm around her and she let him lead her into the house.

She walked beside him, wondering if she walked slowly enough, he'd just leave her out here. But no matter how much she slowed down, Jakes stayed by her side, gently nudging her forward. Her heart started racing again as they approached the door. As if he could sense her distress, he squeezed her shoulder reassuringly.

"I've got you."

They slowly walked inside and she froze when she saw everyone gathering in the living room for what looked like a house meeting. Everyone was staring at her. "I can't," Paige whispered, her anxiety increasing with each passing second. "I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with everyone."

"It's okay. You don't have to. But, you need to change. Your clothes are soaked and you're shivering. Charlie!"

Charlie rushed over with a blanket and looked at Jakes as she wrapped it around Paige, "What the hell happened?"

"He's gone, he's gone. Mike's gone," Paige whispered, her legs giving out on her. She would've fallen had Jakes not been there to catch her.

"What?" Charlie asked. "Paul?"

Briggs shook his head, "I'm sorry. Mike - he didn't make it. He..."

Paige tuned Briggs out, not needing to hear this again. Paige watched the scene unfold in front of her. Everyone was crying and talking over each other. Someone threw a vase. Startled, Paige stepped back, retreating slowly from the group. "I need to get out of here."

Jakes tightened his grip on her, "You shouldn't be alone right now."

Paige shook her head, "I can't be _here_ right now." Breaking free from his grasp, she ran upstairs and Charlie wasn't far behind her. "Leave me alone."

"You need to get out of those clothes. Take a hot shower, get some rest."

"I don't want a shower. I don't want any of this. I want Mike," Paige choked out between sobs. In the back of her mind, she knew she was being selfish. Making this all about her, when Charlie was grieving too. "I never told him..."

"He knew baby, he knew," Charlie whispered, hugging her.

Did he? Did Mike know that she loved him? He all but told her that he loved her, but she didn't want to hear it. She put a stop to whatever they had going on.

"_Well, we used to have something special."_

And now it was too late.

"Let's get you in some dry clothes," Charlie said, peeling away her wet layers of clothing without waiting for an answer. Charlie rifled through her dresser and grabbed her a change of clothes.

Paige robotically changed her clothes, knowing that Charlie wouldn't leave her alone until she changed. She slipped on a tshirt and crawled into bed, hugging her pillow.

Charlie soothingly ran her fingers through her hair a few times, "Do you want me to stay?"

Always the caretaker. Paige shook her head, fighting back tears. She was a horrible friend, unable to push aside her own grief to grieve with Charlie. At least she could give her a reprieve on having to take care of her. Besides, she wanted to be alone.

"Get some rest." Charlie gave her a sad smile and left, closing the door behind her.

She could hear the hushed voices outside of her door, but couldn't make out the words. Through the frosted glass, she could see Briggs take Charlie into his arms. Blinking back tears, she turned away from the door, sobbing into her pillow.

Things with Mike were so complicated. She wasn't sure she could pinpoint where things started to go wrong. When she started doubting him. When he started lying to her. Why he felt he had to. Why she shut him out. They made so many mistakes. Both of them.

He burned Lina's body. She _knew_ why. It didn't make it hurt any less, but she knew why.

What he did at the Solano compound. _If_ he did that. She still couldn't wrap her mind around it. Even if she factored in his desperation to save the case and his career, she couldn't see Mike massacring everyone like that. Not Mike. Not someone that valued the law as much as he did. But what if he thought it was his only way to get Sid? Was it really in Mke to do _that_? She didn't know. But it didn't matter. None of it mattered right now.

She tossed and turned for hours, unable to shut off her mind. Pushing aside the blankets, she climbed out of bed and walked over to the door, listening for a few moments and when she heard nothing but silence, she slipped into the hall and into Mike's room. Closing the door behind her, she went to his dresser, rifling through his clothes for a tshirt and a pair of boxers. After she changed, she stood there for a few moments before curling up in Mike's bed. On his side of the bed. This was the first time she'd been in his room in weeks. Definitely the first time she'd been in his bed in a long time. Paige took a deep breath, comforted by the faint scent of Mike's cologne lingering on the sheets.

"I'm sorry, Mike" Paige whispered, not really sure what she was apologizing for. "I'm so sorry."

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**check my bio page for updates**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** **This is probably one of the saddest fics I've written...I'm sorry. But I wanted to see where Paige's grief would take her if Mike died. So while this story is very much about Paige and Mike, this really is her journey. Everyone from the house appears, but most of the unfinished plotlines are in the backdrop. I promise that this isn't 20 chapters of sadness...there are some lighter moments and if you've read anything I've written, you know I love flashbacks. So there are some happy memories of Mike. Thanks for sticking with this and let me know what you think.**

**And...I'm loving all the behind the scene pics that are surfacing for Season 3! I'm not sure I can wait until June.**

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Paige buried her face in her pillow, absentmindedly reaching out for Mike. Not feeling his warm body next to hers, she sighed, wondering if he snuck out of bed for an early morning run. She wasn't sure how he did it. How he could be up most of the night working or being _with_ her and still wake up at 6am to go running. His saving grace was that he rarely woke her up in the mornings, (usually) knowing better than to ask if she wanted to go running with him. Which she would. But only at a respectable hour.

Paige slowly opened her eyes, squinting in the dark room. Confused, Paige glanced at the clock. 4:47. She glanced towards the bathroom and the door was open and the light was off. She didn't hear the water or anything. Where was he? It was too early for him to be running and she was in his room, not hers. Why was she in Mike's room? It had been weeks since they were together. She was dressed. But wearing his clothes and was in his bed.

Paige sat up slowly and the events from the past few hours rushed to the forefront of her mind.

"_Paige, what happened with Mike? Huh? What did you do?" _

"_Sid. I gave him the name."_

"_No, it's okay - I just just a little bit until the storm passes and then I'll go."_

"_Okay."_

"_Okay."_

"_I was in his room earlier. The time of death was 7:14pm."_

"_I never told him..."_

"_He knew baby, he knew."_

"_Ah, so you're back here to try to make yourself a rock star again? The world has enough dead rock stars Mike. Briggs is just trying to make sure you're not one of them."_

Paige squeezed her eyes shut as she placed her hands over her face, not wanting to face reality. Thoughts of Mike were consuming her. She couldn't stop thinking about him. Not that she wanted to, but if she couldn't get him off her mind she was pretty sure she'd go insane. Pushing aside the blankets, she climbed out of bed. The second her feet touched the floor, the room started spinning. She closed her eyes as she waited for the dizziness to pass, but as it subsided, she she struggled to catch her breath. Gripping the blankets, she tried taking deep breaths, becoming more and more frustrated as her breathing became more shallow and her heart started beating faster.

Paige released the blanket and squeezed her hand into a fist, her nails pressing into the palms of her hand. The pain distracted her enough to help her focus. She slowly breathed in and out, trying to calm down. As her breathing slowed down, Paige unclenched her fist and opened her eyes. Sitting still for a few more minutes, she continued to focus on her breathing. Sensing the panic attack had passed, she stood up, but felt unsteady on her feet, so she slid to the floor, sitting with her back leaning against Mike's bed.

"_You know, the first time I saw you, you were singing karaoke." Mike set his laptop aside, running his hands over his face, the stress of working through the night was wearing on both of them._

"_That's right. I was. Didn't I pee in front of you too?" Paige asked, not really meeting his gaze. Not really the first impression she went for with a guy. But whatever, it didn't matter. She got the guy. Even if she peed in front of him. Besides, he followed her into the women's restroom._

"_Yeah."_

"_Well, a lady doesn't dwell."_

That night seemed so long ago. That night was probably the last time things were right between them. Before everything started coming between them. She didn't want to think about all the ways they messed things up. Their lies. The case. Paige pushed all thoughts about the case from her mind, not wanting to think about _that_ right now.

Paige lightly touched her lips, remembering what it felt like to kiss Mike. How he made her feel things she wasn't used to feeling. Things she tried _not_ to feel. She wasn't sure if it was because he knew her, the real her. If it was because they lived together. Or if it was because it was Mike.

Even that night. Looking back, she felt embarrassed that she peed in front of him the night they met. When it happened, it didn't bother her. But a year later, it bothered her just a little, even though it had been over a year ago. Not that Mike had ever mentioned it. In fact, that night he was probably more embarrassed about it than she was. It wasn't a big deal, not the night it happened or the night she brought it up. But Mike could tell it bothered her a little. So he crawled across the room and kissed her. They talked about the case a little longer and she mentioned the future.

"_And when I do and this bus case is over, you gonna go back to DC?" Paige asked. Mike didn't come out here for her. She knew that. But things between them were anything but casual. She wasn't sure she wanted him to go. But the only thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't ask him to stay._

_Shaking his head slightly, Mike sighed heavily, "I don't know."_

"_Well, you gotta keep your options open."_

Tears started streaming down her face as she thought about Mike no longer having options. But that night, that night his future was filled with endless possibilities. Lingering questions about if they had a future together, but neither really wanted to bring it up, because that would've meant admitting that whatever was going on between them was real. But it had been on both of their minds, even if they wouldn't admit it. When they slept together that night, it was slow. Tender with an undercurrent of desperation in every kiss and touch. It was almost as if they had started saying goodbye. Neither of them had any idea that would be the last time they would be together.

_Her breath caught in her throat as she caught the intensity of his gaze. Paige closed her eyes and he kissed her slowly, trailing his lips along her neck, as she arched her body up against his._

"_You're amazing," Mike whispered in her ear, slipping his hand between them._

"_Don't stop," Paige murmured, bringing her hand to the back of Mike's neck, lightly gripping his hair. He lifted her head to look at her and she pulled him closer for a kiss, desperate to never have this moment end._

Paige swiped at her eyes and stood up slowly, relieved that she felt much steadier on her feet. Her hair was still damp from earlier, she should probably take a shower. Maybe try to eat something. Not that she was hungry. But she could at least shower.

She started walking towards the hall, stopping to turn and look into Mike's bathroom.

"_Shh," Mike whispered against her lips, as she wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, her back to the shower wall._

_Paige moaned softly, her eyes fluttering closed as Mike moved against her, "Your fault." Mike followed her into the shower and told her he was gonna make her scream. And he expected her to be quiet?_

"_I could just stop," Mike threatened, but she could hear the teasing tone in his voice._

_Her eyes shot open as Mike suddenly stilled, "I hate you." If he didn't start moving again in five seconds she was going to kill him._

"_Liar." Mike laughed before he started moving again, swallowing her cries with a kiss._

Mike dying didn't make him perfect. It didn't erase his sins. Wrongdoings. Lies. But she got to choose how she wanted to grieve him. At least their last conversation hadn't been an argument. Mike didn't know she tried to betray him. She pushed aside her guilt at turning him into the police, so she could focus on Mike. At least he died thinking she forgave him. It wasn't like before, when she had been trying to get him to leave Sulla's. She meant what she said to Mike. Until she found out he lied again.

That was one of the worst moments of her life. She felt betrayed. He lied to her. Made a fool out of her. Destroyed whatever they had for his career. Confronted with the truth she had suspected for so long, she ran. She couldn't be around him. Couldn't even look at Mike. Couldn't breathe the same air as him.

She hated this. Hated the universe. Hated him for dying. Hated herself for failing him. For falling for him

She didn't know who he was anymore. And now he was gone. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair. Paige pushed all the files off Mike's desk. Letting out an anguished cry, she grabbed his laptop and smashed it against the edge of the desk. Her eyes darted around the room looking for something else to destroy, but just like last summer he didn't have many personal items in his room. Walking across the room, she started throwing his books one by one.

* * *

Charlie was still recovering from her run-in with Amber, and Briggs was taking care of her. Johnny still couldn't believe that Charlie was pregnant. Jakes was passed out downstairs after emptying a bottle of whiskey. Personally, he opted for tequila. He thought Paige was asleep in her room. But he heard a loud crash followed up by several smaller noises. Heading out into the hall, Johnny immediately headed towards Paige's room when he realized the sounds were coming from Mike's room.

Johnny waved Briggs away when he saw him enter the hall, "Paige is freaking out. I'll get her to calm down," Johnny said. Stumbling down the hall, he headed to Mike's room. Johnny slowly looked around the room. Paige was standing near some shelves, books were strewn all over the floor. He noticed Mike's laptop smashed across the room. What was it with those two and smashing laptops when they were upset? The bed wasn't made, letting him know that Paige had tried to sleep in here. Because no way in hell would Mike have left for the day without making his bed.

He remembered the day he picked Mike up from the airport last summer like it was yesterday. Then Mike left and came back a year later. Only everything and nothing changed. From the moment he saw Mike and Paige hug, he _knew _something had happened between them. And it didn't take a genius to figure out they picked things up again this summer. They weren't as secretive as they thought they were. Under normal circumstances he would've loved to endlessly tease them about their not so secret love affair but his hands had been full with Carlito. And Lucia. Then Paige went missing and whatever Mike did to get her out and _not_ her girl ended whatever was going on between them. Only the thing was, whatever was going on with Mike and Paige wasn't over. Because someone didn't get this upset over someone they couldn't stand.

Johnny quietly approached Paige, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Paige tensed in his arms. "I got you, P."

Paige struggled against him, clearly becoming frustrated as his hold on her tightened. But he wasn't going to loosen his grip until she calmed down. "It's not fair," Paige cried as she stopped struggling.

"No, it's not fair, none of this is fair." Mike should be here. But he wasn't.

Johnny loosened his hold on Paige and she turned around. His heart ached as he took in her appearance. She looked heartbroken. Devastated. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Losing Mike was going to be hard on all of them. But Paige, for Paige it could break her.

"He lied to me."

"Come on, don't think about that now. Mike made mistakes, but he - "

Paige shook her head, the tears falling quickly down her face. "He wasn't supposed to be a dead rockstar. He wasn't supposed to die. He wasn't..." She buried her face in his chest, and he was helpless to do anything but hold her as she cried.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks for reading...let me know what you think :)**

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Paige slowly walked out of the bathroom, her eyes traveling down the hall to Mike's closed door. Briggs must have said something to Silvo, because the Bureau hadn't tried to move anyone into Mike's room. This wasn't like when Donny got shot and Mike moved in the next day.

It had been three days since _everything_ happened. She still had trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Mike was really gone. Her face flushed with guilt as she realized she wouldn't need to avoid Mike in the mornings anymore.

_Catching sight of Mike at the stove, Paige hesitated before entering the kitchen and turned to Jakes. "Hey, do me a favor. Start a pot of coffee for me. I forgot my phone."_

"_You're holding your phone."_

_Paige looked at her phone in her hand, "Well, I should grab my phone charger. It's gonna be a long day."_

"_There's one in the car."_

"_Coffee, now." She couldn't avoid Mike forever. But the last thing she wanted to do was make small talk with him right now._

But right now she would give anything to have him wake her up at 6am to go running. She would even join him without complaining.

"_You're joking right?" Paige groaned, rolling away from Mike, burying her face in his pillow. Sunrise was meant for sleeping. Meant to be viewed before going to bed. Not meant as a backdrop for running._

_Mike pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, "Come on, it'll be fun."_

"_Fun? Running at 6am isn't fun. It's torture, pure torture. Why do you hate me?"_

"_I'll take you to breakfast."_

_Her interest piqued, Paige rolled back over, tenderly smiling at Mike. His hair was going in at least five different directions, which made her want to keep him in bed longer, not let him drag her out of bed. "Keep talking."_

"_Coffee." Mike lightly ran his fingers across her arm and she followed the path of his fingers with her eyes, then narrowed them as she realized he was trying to distract her._

"_We have coffee here," Paige pointed out. "Come on, Agent Warren, wow me with those top notch negotiating skills they taught you at Quantico."_

_Mike laughed, "So this is like a hostage situation then?"_

_Holding the sheet against her chest, she shrugged. "Something like that. I'm the hostage, but I have to approve your unreasonable demands."_

"_Unreasonable? Okay, if running is unreasonable, I'll counter with..." Mike's voice trailed off for a few seconds, thinking. "If you go running with me, I'll let you handcuff me when we get back."_

_Heat rushed to her face and she pulled Mike closer for a kiss, "Then I should stay here and conserve my energy, if I'm going to have my way with you. Trust me, it'll be worth it. Wake me up when you get back."_

_Mike shook his head, playfully yanking at the sheet. Paige swatted him, laughing as he climbed out of bed. _

Paige heard someone walking upstairs and she hurried to her room, wanting to avoid whoever was coming to check on her. Not that everyone didn't have a legitimate reason for coming upstairs, but she didn't need someone checking on her every five minutes. Everyone had stuck close to home the past few days. There had been a lot of drinking and tears. Laughter as they told stories about Mike.

"_Remember that time Mikey was outnumbered, five to one?" Johnny asked. _

"_Hey - I was there too," Briggs said._

_Paige tensed, not really wanting to hear about all the times Mike cheated death when all she could think about was the one time he didn't. _

_Johnny shook his head slightly, slinging his arm over her shoulders, "Merciless Mike," Johnny quietly whispered. "Sorry." Paige relaxed, leaning into Johnny's embrace. "But you weren't armed. Not that the bears were armed either. But they never stood a chance against Merciless Mike. Because..."_

Johnny and Mike were close. But she was surprised that Johnny had been around as much as he had, considering that the case against Carlito Solano was technically still open. She wasn't sure what was going on with Carlito. She only knew that Johnny was getting a lot of texts and wouldn't answer calls in front of her. Maybe it had nothing to do with Carlito. Maybe it was all personal stuff involving Lucia.

"_I'm in love with Lucia."_

She admired Johnny for that. Even though it screwed things up. Compromised his judgment. At least Johnny had the guts to admit what he loved her. It made things messier and more complicated, considering his job and Lucia's last name, but at least he had the guts to admit it. Unlike her and Mike who made a huge mess out of their personal life by not dealing with anything. By letting the case get in between them. Letting their residual feelings and resentments affect the case.

Paige quickly changed, throwing her hair into a messy bun and went back in the hall. Her eyes drifted towards Mike's door again and before she knew what she was doing she was standing in front of his room. Her hand was on the knob and she froze. She had only been in Mike's room once since Johnny found her that first night. But she needed to do this. Someone needed to pack up Mike's things and ship them to his family. She had chickened out in calling his mom to offer her condolences, the least she could do was pack up this things. She needed to finish the letter she started to write his mom, but she wasn't sure what to say. _Sorry for your loss_ seemed too impersonal and she didn't want to put all her feelings of regret and grief onto his mom, but at the same time she wanted her to know how special Mike was. That he had people out here that cared about him. She wasn't sure if Mike's mom even knew about her. Why would he have told his parents about her? It's not like she had mentioned Mike to her parents before this week.

Mike's funeral was in three days. His body was being shipped home at his mother's request, but they were having a memorial service here too. She hadn't decided if she was going to New York for the other service. She hadn't talked about it with anyone, wasn't sure if anyone else was going, but if not, she was sure she could convince someone to go with her. If nothing else, she needed to get out of this house for a few days. Graceland was suffocating her. She couldn't sleep. She kept having nightmares of Mike getting shot. She kept hearing him call out for her and she couldn't get to him. The worst dreams were the ones where he bled out in her arms. She started sleeping in Johnny's room because she couldn't sleep alone. Or maybe he just thought it was easier, because then he wouldn't have to wander down the hall to wake her up when he heard her screaming.

"_Paige," Mike groaned, clutching his side. _

_Panicked, she rushed over to Mike and pushed aside his shirt. "You're gonna be okay," Paige whispered, trying to remain calm despite being freaked out by how much blood there was. Pressing his shirt over the bullet wound, she brushed back his hair with her other hand, trying to comfort him as his shirt became saturated with blood. Shouldn't the bleeding be slowing down? Not speeding up? "Everything's gonna be fine."_

"_I - "_

"_Shh, don't talk," Paige said. "Help's on the way."_

_Mike closed his eyes, "Ti - tired. Too la - late."_

"_Mike? Stay with me, okay? Just stay with me," Paige cried as his head rolled to the side. She touched his face, her heart stopping when he didn't respond. "Mike?" Her hands were shaking, but she pressed her fingers to his neck as she searched for a pulse. "No. Don't you dare, Mike Warren. Don't you dare die on me!" Tears spilled down her face and she cried out for him when she couldn't find one._

To his credit, Johnny hadn't made a single joke. Hadn't joked about her crawling from Mike's bed to his. About the possibility of them hooking up now that they were sharing a bed. He had been great about everything. Comforting her when she woke up in the middle of the night when she woke up crying. Holding her when she cried, which seemed to be most of the time. Letting her vent and not tell her that things would be fine. Getting shitfaced drunk with her when she didn't want to feel anything at all.

If she went to the service in New York, she was going to stay with her parents when she returned. Or if she didn't go to the funeral, she would go after the memorial held here. Her supervisor had given her some time off. She was pretty sure she would go insane if she stayed in this house any longer. She felt like she was drowning in her grief. Choking on regrets. Mike was everywhere in this house.

She needed to do this. For Mike. For her own sanity.

Trembling, Paige took a deep breath and opened the door. She looked around, confused at the bare room. Everything but the furniture was gone. Mike didn't have much, but he had things. Clothes. Books. Where were all his things? Paige turned around and came face to face with Charlie. "What happened? Who did this?" Paige angrily demanded.

"Paul packed up his things. He's going to send everything to his family. If there's something you want..."

Paige could hear the pity in Charlie's voice. As if some stupid knickknack was going to make it better. Not that Mike really had personal things in his room. Just like last summer, he showed up with a suitcase and hadn't planned on staying. His idea of decorating was a bag of golf clubs and a few random photos. Besides, all of that was just stuff. She had the one thing that mattered. She still had the letter he gave her last summer, the one he wrote to the FBI when he was a kid. Part of her wanted to ask for his St. Christopher's necklace, but she didn't deserve to have it. His mother should have it.

Paige shook her head, "No, it's fine. It's good. I was - I was actually dreading having to do this. I'm glad he took care of it."

Charlie rested her hand on Paige's arm, "Talk to me."

"What is there to say? Mike's gone. He's not coming back. I'm trying to deal with it, okay?"

"We all miss him," Charlie gently said.

She didn't doubt that. Everyone had their own relationship with Mike and the last thing she wanted to do was minimize anyone's grief, but it wasn't the same. "I know. It's just - I miss him. I can't believe he's really gone."

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	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This chapter's mostly filler. Things pick up in the next chapter. If you've stuck with this...thanks. I know it's sad...but things have to get worse before they get better. Let me know what you think :)**

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Johnny leaned against the counter, taking a few minutes to gather himself while he waited the coffee to finish brewing. He was up way too early, but he couldn't sleep. He had been up with Paige most of the night, trying to get her to go back to sleep. Mike's death hit her hard, she cried herself to sleep and usually woke up screaming. He knew that the two of them had been involved, it was the worst kept secret in the house. The only thing anyone was surprised about was that it had taken them that long as it did to hook up. But then everything happened with the case and Mike's boss, and suddenly those two were no longer sneaking into each other's room. Or awkwardly jumping apart any time someone walked into the room. Mike and Paige had always been tight and his death would've devastated Paige even if they hadn't been together.

"You're up early," Briggs said, heading to the fridge. "Late night?"

"It was another rough night for Paige. I'm really worried about her. Do you think she should see someone?"

"She'll have to, it's mandated."

"But is that really the best person for her to talk to? Whoever we have to see, all they want to know is if she can shoot her gun. They don't care about her grief. All the bureau cares about is if she can go undercover. She needs to see someone else."

"If Paige wants to keep doing the job - "

"What if she doesn't?" Paige hadn't said anything specific to him about leaving, but she had mentioned it to Jakes. Revealed how she wasn't sure when she would be able to take another case. Wasn't sure if she wanted to work undercover anymore.

"Give her some time."

He and Paige had moved into Graceland within weeks of each other. He couldn't picture this house without her. Or Mike. He still couldn't believe what went down at the Solano compound. He went over that day again and again, trying to see if there was anything he could've done differently. He still had no idea what had happened that day when Mike got to the compound. If he engineered the bloodbath that ensued. It was hard for him to believe that Mike would do something like that. But circumstances change. Outside forces can cloud loyalties. That was how he ended up working for Carlito. If not for Lucia, he would've happily arrested Carlito that day. But Carlito was using his sister as leverage for protection. Until he could get Lucia away from Carlito, he was stuck working for him. Even though he didn't know the details, he knew that wasn't what happened with Mike. Paige was safe. But if someone had her, he didn't doubt that Mike would do whatever it took to get her back, just like he had when she was under as a tinker bell. But even though Carlito had Lucia, for the most part she was safe. Carlito loved her, even if he had a twisted way of showing it. But as concerned as he was for Lucia and with as much danger she was in, he still felt like his priority needed to be Paige right now. He just needed to get through - get _her_ through these next few weeks, then he could focus on Lucia.

* * *

Heading downstairs, Paige was hit with a flood of memories as she rounded the landing on the staircase.

Feeling unsteady, Paige gripped the railing and took a deep breath, wanting to avoid another panic attack. She hadn't had one since that first night. She focused on her breathing, making sure to keep her breaths slow so she wouldn't start hyperventilating. After a few minutes, her breathing evened out and she sat down on the steps, hugging her knees to her chest.

This was fine. She could sit here for a little while. She didn't really have any memories of Mike on the staircase. Just a few stolen kisses.

_Her eyes widened as Mike pushed her up against the wall before they turned on the landing. "Everyone's in the kitchen." She recognized the look in his eyes and if they weren't careful, someone would see them. Before she had a chance to protest his lips were on hers. His kiss was demanding and she was seriously thinking about clearing her morning so they could head back upstairs. _

_Mike pulled back slightly and lightly brushed his lips over hers, "Just saying good morning." _

_She stood there dazed as Mike walked ahead of her, turning back to wink at her as he headed to the kitchen._

She would give anything to kiss him right now. Hell, she'd give anything to fight with him right now.

"Want some company?" Jakes asked as he descended the staircase.

Paige shrugged and Jakes took that as an invitation to sit down next to her. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. She appreciated being able to just be. To not have to pretend she was fine when she wasn't. To not have to talk about Mike even though he was all she could think about. To not have to explain how things went so horribly wrong. How she could've been so angry with Mike, angry enough to turn him into the police but she was still devastated.

"Are you still thinking about leaving?" Jakes asked, breaking the silence.

She had confessed the night before, after one too many drinks that she was thinking about moving out. This case had taken a lot out of her. She wasn't sure she was ready to go undercover again. Wasn't sure she'd be able to keep it together. The one thing she knew for sure was that she couldn't work another sex trafficking case for a while. As much as she needed to do that kind of work, it was too much for her to handle emotionally. Especially right now.

"I'm not sure I can live here anymore. I want to stay. This _is_ my home," Paige said. She had been at Graceland for a little over three years, but this house no longer felt like home. Not without Mike here. This wasn't like when he moved out last summer and she missed him. This was different. She saw and felt him everywhere. This house was filled with memories. Some of them comforted her. Or made her laugh. But mostly she was sad. Filled with so many regrets. Guilt.

"With time - "

"I don't want to hear time will heal all wounds," Paige snapped. Jakes dropped his hand from her arm and backed away from her at the harsh tone of her voice. Paige took a deep breath, "Sorry." She was on edge, they all were. But if one more person told her to give it time, she was going to scream.

Time wasn't going to bring Mike back.

"It's okay. I know you're upset."

Sick of crying all the time, Paige fought back tears. "I'm not sure time can fix this." Maybe it would make it hurt less. But right now the pain was too raw. She couldn't sleep in Johnny's bed indefinitely, but she also couldn't sleep alone.

"Have you thought about talking to someone?"

"Isn't that what we're doing? Talking?" Paige asked, forcing a smile on her face even though she knew what Jakes meant. Everyone that lived here was mandated to meet with someone at least once. Her appointment was scheduled for next week. Not that she wanted to talk with someone about her feelings, but she was starting to think it wouldn't be a horrible idea.

"Anything you want to talk about, I'm here for you. You know that, right? If it's about Mike. Or work. Or whatever."

"Even if I tell you embarrassing things about us?"

Jakes laughed, "I might regret this later, but even if."

Paige looped her arm through Jakes, resting her head on his shoulder. It would be easier to talk with someone she lived with. They knew how complicated things were with her and Mike, and for the most part they understood why. There were certain things she wouldn't have to explain. She would be able to talk about the case. How it was hard to separate their jobs from their personal lives when they were undercover. But there were personal things she could barely explain to herself. And even more personal things she didn't want to share with a roommate. But it meant a lot to her that Jakes was willing to listen. Especially when he spent so much time fighting the fact that this house was family. But they had grown really close this summer. She knew he still felt guilty about not being there for her the night she went under as a tinker bell. But he hadn't been the one to let her down that day, Mike had. But Jakes had supported her all summer, when she felt alone and defeated in working her case. And he was supporting her now. She was just a different kind of alone and defeated. "Sometimes I call Mike's phone, just to hear his outgoing voicemail message. It's pathetic, right?"

"_It's Mike, leave a message."_

"To want to hear his voice?" Jakes shook his head, "No. You need to do whatever you need to do to help you through this."

"For a few seconds, it's almost like everything's normal. Like I can just tell him to meet me at The Drop. Or to ask him to pick up some cereal if he's stopping at the store. But he's not there. He's not going to call me back to ask if there's anything else I want from the store." Calling Mike's voicemail wasn't the only pathetic thing she was doing. She swiped his bodywash from his shower. Not the expensive organic stuff that she tried to convince him to use when they were together. That was probably still sitting in his shower untouched. But the cheap one he picked up from the grocery store that he had been using since he was in college, had found its way into the main bathroom.

"If hearing his voice comforts you, keep calling."

"Sometimes I forget he's gone. I pick up the phone and I call him out of habit and it's not until I hear his voicemail that I remember he's not here." Paige jumped when she felt her phone buzz. She pulled it out of her pocket, nervously glancing at the screen. "It's Silvo."

"Did you call him?"

"Yesterday, I asked him to call me."

"You don't have to rush to make a decision."

"But I need to make one." Paige answered her phone and stood up, heading back upstairs to take the call.

Jakes watched her leave and he rested his head against the side of the wall. He spent far too much time insisting this place wasn't his home. Wasn't his family. But he cared about the people that lived here. Cared for them like family and they were all hurting.

Briggs was fighting to keep the house together and taking care of all the arrangements with Mike. Taking care of Charlie. Paige was barely holding it together. Sometimes she seemed fine. Other times she seemed fragile. Johnny was still wrapped up with the Solanos but making sure to take care of Paige. He was worried about her. They all were. But even though she wanted to be alone sometimes, he was relieved she was letting them take care of her. He wasn't sure if leaving so soon after Mike died was the right decision for her, but he wouldn't try to talk her out of it.

He knew Paige. Knew that if she felt pressured, she'd rebel and run. And the last thing she needed to do was cut them off because she thought they didn't respect her decision.

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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: In case you missed it, Graceland released the first promo for Season 3. No new footage was in it, but that just means the premiere date (whenever it is) is getting closer. Thanks to those that leave reviews, I'm always curious to know what people think...what works, what doesn't work :)**

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"Did you already ship Mike's things to his parents?" Charlie asked, sitting down next to Briggs on the sofa. Briggs had packed up Mike's room already and was handling his things.

"Yesterday, why? Did you find something else?" Briggs asked.

"No, but I wanted his ipod. Or his phone." Briggs looked at her curiously, waiting for her to continue. "I'm trying to put together a playlist for tomorrow and wanted to go through his music." Picking out music for Mike's memorial service was not something she'd ever thought she'd have to do. Not even last summer when Mike was under with Bello. It seemed like Mike had a gun pulled on him every time he met with Bello those first few weeks. She was still having trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that he was really gone. She remembered the first time she met Mike, he was so green and hellbent on following the rules. He changed. A lot. Maybe if he had followed a few more rules this time around, things wouldn't have turned out the way they had. Maybe if she had waited for a team before heading out to meet Amber, Briggs would've been at the Solano's to back up Mike and things would've turned out differently. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, resting her hand on her stomach.

"You could always ask Paige," Briggs suggested.

Charlie shook her head, "I don't think that's a good idea. She's devastated about Mike. This would only upset her."

Briggs sighed, resting his hand over hers, "She'll get through this."

"Maybe, but I've never seen her like this."

"She lost a friend, she needs time to grieve. She needs to say goodbye."

"Mike was more than just a friend to Paige, we both know that. Because if I ever lost you - "

"Don't even say it," Briggs said, cutting her off with a kiss. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You better not, because I'm not raising this baby alone." It was a little over a week ago that she had asked Mike to decide what to do about Briggs. Now that Mike was gone, she was second guessing her decision. Going through all of this was already hard enough. She couldn't imagine having to do this without Paul.

"Not a chance, Chuck," Briggs assured her, resting his hand on her stomach. "Hey, have you seen Paige?"

"Paul Briggs, don't you dare ask her about music!" Charlie said, pushing his hand away.

"I'm not, I just haven't seen her for a few hours. Did she leave with Jakes?"

"Johnny mentioned something about her wanting to go for a walk on the beach."

"Alone?"

"Yes, alone. She's depressed, not suicidal. I think it's good for her."

"I should go check on her," Briggs said, unsuccessfully trying to look out the window from where he was sitting.

Charlie watched him curiously for a few seconds and leaned over to kiss his cheek. "You're taking care of everyone and everything. Who's taking care of you?"

* * *

"Get a grip," Paige whispered to herself as she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous. It wasn't like she was being thrown out of the house. Silvo told her to take as much time as she needed to make her decision. But the longer she took to make it, the harder it became.

Paige slowly looked around the kitchen, smiling softly as she took in her surroundings. Johnny and Charlie were fighting over what to make for dinner. Jakes was going over some files with Briggs. It was really just another ordinary night, despite the fact that Mike's memorial was tomorrow. Her eyes lingered on the photographs on the fridge as she blinked back tears, not wanting to get lost in memories right now. There would be plenty of time for that later.

"Briggs, do you have a minute?" Paige asked.

Despite being in a different agency, Briggs was one of her mentors. Definitely one of the best agents she had ever worked with. She valued his friendship and trusted his opinion. She wanted to go over her decision with him. See if she was making the right decision. But maybe she was looking for someone to talk her out of leaving.

And that right there was why she needed to leave. She couldn't stop second guessing herself. Couldn't even figure out if she should stay or go. She used to trust her instincts. Used to have faith in herself. Maybe she would again someday, but right now she didn't. She needed a break or else she would break.

"What's going on?" Briggs motioned to the chair next to him and she sat down, glancing at Jakes who gave her an encouraging nod.

"I talked to Silvo today."

The smile faltered from Briggs' face and he nodded, "About what?"

"I think - I mean, man, I don't know," Paige whispered. "I just don't know anymore."

It had only been a few days and she realized she was rushing to make this decision and that she was the only person putting pressure on herself to make it. But everything was just so hard. She could barely deal without working. She wasn't sure how she'd cope once she went back to work.

Sometimes she was fine. She could go a few hours without thinking about Mike. Or think about him without crying. But the grief was there. Lingering. Threatening to surface at any moment. No way would she be able to focus in the field. One wrong move and her cover would be blown, compromising herself and anyone she worked with. But at the same time, she longed for the escape from reality. Longed to lose herself in the job and forget everything and pretend her problems didn't exist. She wished she could bury herself in her work and not have to deal with a reality without Mike. But even that terrified her. Because how could she forget about him? What if she forgot the sound of his voice? Or how his arms felt wrapped around her? How his lips felt on her skin?

"I'm going to New York for Mike's funeral. I should be there," Paige began, hugging her arms to her chest. "I got approved to take some time off. After - after the funeral," Paige shakily said, rubbing her arms to help herself focus. "I - I'm going to go stay with my parents for a little while. I put in a request for a desk job and it was approved. Silvo said I don't have to move out right away. I think he felt sorry for me." She hadn't intended to break down while talking to Silvo, but she had. She wasn't proud of that. Embarrassed, actually. "But I think it's for the best that when I get back from New York that I move. My brother said he'd help me move. I civilians aren't allowed upstairs, but I figured an exception was okay this one time."

Briggs sighed, resting his hand on her arm. "You know, I don't think that's a good idea, you..." his voice trailed off and he reached for his phone and flashed her an apologetic smile. "Sorry, kiddo, I have to take this."

"You're joking right?" Jakes asked, glaring at him.

"It's important."

"This! This is important!" Jakes said, motioning to Paige. His raised voice drew the attention of Johnny and Charlie. "Paige is important!"

"So is this," Briggs said, answering the call. "Talk to me."

"Unbelievable," Jakes muttered.

Paige wasn't sure if she should be grateful or upset that Briggs blew her off. Should she be thankful that a phone call interrupted and gave her the chance to change her mind again? Or pissed that Briggs couldn't give her five minutes of his undivided attention?

Charlie walked over behind Paige and rested her hand on her shoulder. "You okay?"

"You're really leaving?" Johnny asked, sliding into Briggs' now empty seat.

Paige leaned back, letting Charlie hug her from behind. Paige nodded. "I have to. I can't work undercover right now. I don't know when or if I can. I'm really going to miss everyone."

That was what she was going to miss the most. The friendships. No one else understood why they did what they did. Even other agents didn't understand it if they didn't work undercover. There was nothing like the thrill of being undercover.

"_But after you do what we do - "_

"_Nothing else feels like real life." Nothing could match the adrenaline rush she got from being undercover. Knowing one wrong move or word and everything could go wrong. The excitement she got when she figured out the piece that tied together her case. The satisfaction of arresting her mark and making a small dent in the evil of the world. "I know."_

Mike understood, even though he hadn't joined the FBI to work undercover. He definitely hadn't been asked to be placed here. Rookies like Mike were never placed here. It was too intense. Nothing like they were taught at Quantico. But Mike adapted surprisingly well, so well that he actually wanted to be in the field. Forced his way into an op when most agents in DC were content to sit behind a desk and climb their way to the top. But as focused as he was on his career, Mike hadn't wanted to sit behind a desk.

"I wish you'd stay, but I won't try to make you change your mind," Charlie said, resting her head on Paige's shoulder, lightly running her fingers through her hair. "I'm going to miss you."

Paige swiped at her eyes, "You'll still see me."

"You better not be a stranger," Jakes said, reaching across the table for her hand.

"You'll see me so much, you'll forget I moved out."

"Impossible," Johnny said, handing her a cup of tea. "We're going out for drinks at least twice a week. And we have to have a karaoke night."

She gave him a grateful smile and took a few sips, glancing across the room at Briggs. His back was to the group, but she could tell it was an intense conversation. He was speaking in hushed tones, but she could make out parts of the conversation if she listened carefully. Her roommates were chattering around her, making plans for them to hang out after she got settled in with her parents. Jakes was adamantly refusing to go to the karaoke night Johnny was trying to set up, but she knew his protests were nothing more than him keeping up appearances. One night after several shots of zombie virus, he revealed he actually loved karaoke then swore her to secrecy. Tuning them out, she focused on Briggs. Even though she could tell his conversation was important, it hurt that he brushed her off when she really needed his support.

"...testing for Sid's fingerprints..."

Paige tensed at that snippet of his conversation. Why was Briggs testing _for Sid's_ fingerprints? Was he looking for evidence that Mike wasn't responsible for the bloodbath at the Solano's? Did he find something?

"...breathing apparatus..."

Breathing apparatus? What did that have to do with Sid? Sid was in and out of the hospital after getting shot. But, Mike's lungs collapsed during surgery. He had been on a breathing machine when he coded.

"Oh my God," Paige whispered, horrified as the pieces started falling into place. Briggs wasn't investigating what happened at the Solano's, he was investigating Mike's death. She dropped her cup and ignored the hot splash of tea on her arm as she pulled away from the table, pushing Charlie away in the process.

She did this.

Everything was a blur. She could hear their voices but couldn't make out the words.

"I did this. This is all my fault." She wanted Mike to pay through the legal system. Not with his life. Even knowing what he did. To Lina. The lies he told her. She never wanted him to die. "I gave him Mike's name."

"_I sent you to Sylmar to wipe out that trash, but I didn't let you finish."_

Oh God, what did she do?

"_I wanted to say thank you."_

"_For what?" _

"_For saving my life with Sid."_

"_Well, you would have done the same for me." And he would've. But this conversation wasn't about MIke actually thanking her for saving his life. This was all part of the game. Part of his game to keep his cover intact. Pretend everything was okay between them when it wasn't. Because if they didn't pretend, they were fighting. Which was pretty much how they communicated nowadays._

"_He would've killed me."_

"I didn't - I didn't mean..." Paige squeezed her eyes shut as tears started streaming down her face. She did this. Mike was dead because of her. She burned him. She killed him.

"_Mike Warren is hospitalized under the name Mike Richards."_

It felt like everything was happening in slow motion. She could hear voices around her, but she couldn't focus. Couldn't open her eyes. Couldn't look her friends in the eye now that she realized what she'd done. She didn't deserve their friendship. Their trust. Compassion.

She deserved their hatred. All the blame. Everything was all her fault.

Paige felt a hand on her arm and her eyes shot open as she screamed, "Don't touch me!" Her arms were flailing in front of her, trying to push everyone away.

"Paige, baby, I need you to calm down," Charlie soothingly whispered, wrapping her arms around her from behind.

Paige struggled against Charlie's embrace, "Don't, I don't - what I - Oh God, I did this! I killed him! It's all my fault!" Paige choked out between sobs.

"Briggs! Get off the phone!" Jakes yelled.

Johnny got up and knelt next to her, reaching for her hand, "P, you didn't do this. You didn't shoot Mike."

"_So what's this? You giving me another shot?" Sid asked, surprised._

Mike didn't die because of a gunshot wound. Sid killed him and it was her fault.

Sid took her literally. When she told him to take out the trash, she meant for Sid to arrest Mike. Only Sid didn't. She should've known. He tried to kill Mike at Sulla's. Of course he wanted Mike dead. And she handed Mike over on a silver platter.

"Breathe with me," Charlie said, taking a deep breath and releasing it slowly.

Paige took one deep breath after another, each one coming quicker than the last. As she struggled to catch her breath, Charlie kept encouraging her to breathe with her, but she couldn't. Charlie squeezed her tighter, but her tight embrace couldn't stop her from trembling. Her eyes darted around the room trying to find something, anything to focus on other than the fact that her heart was pounding out of her chest.

She felt like she was suffocating as she was gasping for air. Is that how Mike died? Is that what Briggs was searching for? Sid's fingerprints on Mike's breathing machine? Did Mike know? Was Sid's face the thing he saw before he died?

The room was spinning and she felt lightheaded, like she was about to pass out. Paige kept gulping in air, unable to regulate her breathing as she cried uncontrollably.

Mike died because of her. Not because he got shot by a Solano guard. Not because she didn't get him to the hospital in time. Because she turned him in. She turned him over to Sid, the one man that wanted to kill him. And he did.

Mike was dead and his blood was on her hands.

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**check my bio page for updates**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: There are a ridiculous amount of press pics of Aaron circulating on twitter &amp; a few interviews with Aaron and Daniel, all of which makes me ridiculously happy. Someone commented a few chapters ago about wanting to see Paige suffer...well, here's my confession. That's kind of the main reason I wrote this fic. But I adore Paige and I have trouble wrapping my mind around what she did, it doesn't feel completely in character despite understanding why she did it. And while the first six chapters primarily dealt with her grief, now we're moving onto guilt because she realizes her role in Mike's death. I'm hoping her character will be redeemed on the show. Someone else asked if her quote about sending Sid to Sylmar to wipe out the trash was taken directly from the show, it was.**

**I wasn't planning to update tonight, but this chapter's done and I figured I should stop overediting and work on the next.**

* * *

By now everyone had gathered around Paige. Briggs was off the phone, Charlie was demanding answers from him, as she continued hugging her from behind, leaving Jakes and Johnny to try to get her to calm down. She needed some space or she was going to pass out. Everyone was asking questions and arguing about what to do. She knew they were concerned, but they were crowding her. "I'm fine," Paige shakily said, pushing everyone away from her. She really needed to be alone right now. "I just need to get some air."

"You're not fine," Jakes ordered, his voice leaving no room for discussion. "Sit down."

Paige tried to sidestep Jakes, but Charlie wouldn't let her go and despite her own state of distress, she knew better to argue with Jakes when he had _that_ look in his eyes. He wasn't going to let her run off and hide. He was going to make her face the truth and try to convince her it wasn't her fault, when it was. Mike was dead and it was all her fault. She didn't want to have this conversation with everyone. She didn't want to have this conversation, period. But they deserved to know the truth about her. Deserved to know what she did. "I didn't - I didn't mean, I didn't want - I never wanted Mike to die," Paige choked out, between sobs.

"I know you didn't," Charlie whispered, loosening her hold on Paige, turning the blonde agent around in her arms so she could hug her.

"I never thought, I didn't..."

That was the problem. She hadn't been thinking.

"_I need you to get Mike out of that compound," Briggs said._

"_You think Sid's going to take a shot at him if he gets the chance?" Would Sid really be so arrogant that he would take a shot at an FBI Agent with other agents present? Briggs was probably overreacting, but she could easily get Mike out of there. He would do anything to save his op, and she needed him far away from that compound when Briggs used Sid to move in to get her girls. _

"_I think best case scenario, we've got chaos."_

Sid almost killed Mike that night. Why couldn't she see it then? When she walked into the room, Mike had his hands up and Sulla was dead. Sid's gun was aimed at Mike, his finger on the trigger.

"_He would've killed me."_

Sid didn't know he was undercover at Sulla's, but he knew Mike was FBI because Mike told him.

If she had shown up a few minutes later, Sid would've murdered Mike. Added him to the list of people he killed. Written him off as a casualty. Claimed Mike was helping Sulla escape. Probably pretended he didn't know Mike was undercover or an agent.

Unable to see past her own hurt and her own betrayal, she gave up Mike's location to a man that _she knew_ tried to kill him. What kind of monster was she?

"_So what's this? You giving me another shot?"_

What if she did that on purpose only she didn't realize it?

"_The world is full of evil..."_

She was the evil one. Mike was dead because of her.

Breaking free from the group she ran to the nearest bathroom and slammed the door behind her, quickly locking it. Gripping the sides of the counter, she stared in the mirror as she blocked out her roommates' concerned pleas for her to open the door. Ignoring the pounding on the door, she continued staring at her reflection as Mike's words echoed in her head.

"_He would've killed me."_

"_He would've killed me."_

"_He would've killed me."_

"_He killed me."_

"_He killed me."_

"_He killed me."_

"No," Paige whispered, shutting her eyes as hot, angry tears spilled down her face. Sid didn't kill Mike. His was the last face he saw before he died, but she was the one that killed him.

"You killed me."

"You killed me."

"You killed me."

"Paige, you killed me."

Mike's voice was crystal clear, as if he was standing in the bathroom with her. Paige opened her eyes, fully expecting to see him standing in front of her and her heart stopped when she saw Mike's reflection staring back at her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't - I - please, Mike, you have to believe me. _Please_," Paige desperately pleaded, hoping he would somehow understand. "I wasn't thinking. God, Mike. I'm sorry."

Afraid he would disappear if she tried to touch him, she still reached out to touch his reflection. She wasn't sure if she was relieved or annoyed when her hand made contact with the mirror. Mike didn't react to her touch and she couldn't feel him, that was a good sign. That meant she hadn't completely lost her mind. But she needed to touch him. Needed to find some way to atone. Even if this was all in her head. Or maybe it wasn't. It didn't matter. She didn't care if this was real or fake, this could be her one and only chance to see him. His face was bruised, just like it had been the last time she saw him. He was wearing the same grey tshirt and it looked like he was in pain. He looked tired. Weak.

They met in the bathroom. It somehow seemed fitting that the last time she saw him would be in one too. They had somehow come full circle. From strangers. To coworkers. To friends. Lovers. Bitter exes. And now they were strangers again.

"_So this is the infamous Levi?"_

"_It's Mike."_

She didn't recognize him. She didn't recognize herself anymore. They let that case tear them apart. Personally. Professionally. Now Mike was gone and she destroyed any chance they ever had of fixing things.

She killed him.

Mike continued staring at her, and she could see the accusation and hurt swimming in his eyes, hatred brimming beneath the surface. She braced herself for his anger. She deserved his rage. What she did was unforgivable, even if she didn't mean it. Her intention didn't change the outcome. Mike was still dead even though she didn't mean it.

"You said we had something special," Mike said, his voice raspy and his breathing labored.

"We did," Paige insisted. "What we had was real."

Getting involved with Mike was a mistake. It compromised her judgment. Compromised his. She thought she could keep things separate. That she could have a casual fling with Mike while he was back for his case. Only she had no idea what she was getting herself into. She didn't know she would fall this hard, this fast for Mike. Or maybe she did. That was why she kept him at arm's length all last summer. Fixed him up with Abby. Ignored the way he looked at her. Pushed him away when they got too close. Came up with some half-assed excuse about him being lost being the reason why they couldn't get involved.

But this summer, she gave into temptation. Seduced him. Let him in her heart. And pushed him out the second he disappointed her. Betrayed him in the worst possible way.

"Why?" Mike asked, placing his hand against the mirror so his palm was facing her. "Why did you give me up to Sid?"

Did Mike know? Did Mike know that she was the one that gave him up to Sid? Or was this her guilty conscience weighing on her? What if he knew? What if Mike knew she was the reason Sid came to kill him? Was he even conscious? Was Sid's face the last thing he saw before he died? Sid hated Mike. He probably relished telling him that she had been the one to send him after him.

"I - I'm sorry," Paige cried. All the excuses she had been telling herself since she turned him in felt pathetic. Saying she felt betrayed by what he did paled in comparison to how she betrayed him.

He broke her heart. But she broke his first.

He lied. She lied.

He betrayed her. She betrayed him.

Why didn't she confront Mike then and there? What made her go to Sid?

"_The hard part is when is when you whittle it down to two options. You can either wait it out, die, or you can take this piece of yourself, and you can you can mutilate it, destroy it, and maybe live."_

Mutilate. That was the perfect word to describe what they did to each other. Anything good they had was destroyed by the both of them. Their lies. Stubbornness. Her inability to forgive.

Paige placed her hand on the mirror against Mike's, silently pleading with him to forgive her. She started crying harder when he pulled away from her and took a few steps back, giving her a good look at him. He was wearing the same grey tshirt he had on that day. His shirt was drenched in blood and he placed his hand over his abdomen before placing it against the mirror again. HIs bloodied hand was pressed against hers, separated by the mirror, but she swore she could feel the stickiness of his warm blood through the mirror.

"You did this," Mike reminded her, his eyes filled with tears. "You."

Paige looked down at her hand, it was covered in blood. She touched her hand, smearing his blood on her hand. Crying hysterically, her body shook as she lifted her head to meet his eyes. Blood seeped from his eyes and started spilling from his mouth, and she started screaming.

She could hear the hospital monitors going off, as if he was was coding.

"_The time of death was 7:14pm." _

_"But Mike Richards had lead poisoning. His lungs collapsed."_

_"His body was taken to the morgue."_

This was like one of her dreams where she was helpless and couldn't save him. Only she was awake and living through it.

Paige frantically looked around the bathroom and grabbed the soap dish and hurled it at the mirror. The glass shattered and Mike disappeared. "No, no, no! Mike!" Paige shrieked. She immediately pressed her hand against jagged glass of the mirror, desperate for that connection even though she couldn't handle seeing him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Come back! Mike, come back!" Paige jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Mike?"

"Let's get you out of here," Charlie said.

"He knows. Mike knows what I did."

Charlie exchanged a nervous look with Johnny before sadly smiling at her, "Come on. Paige, you're bleeding."

Paige looked at her hand, confused. She wasn't bleeding. That was Mike's blood. Only Mike wasn't here. He was gone now. She made sure of that.

Charlie gently pried her hand away from the mirror and grabbed a towel, "Grab the first aid kit," Charlie ordered Briggs as she led Paige to the living room. "I'm going to get you cleaned up."

Jakes followed them in the living room, "Should I call a doctor? Maybe they can give her something."

"No doctors," Paige softly said.

"Paige, hey - baby, look at me," Charlie said, placing her hand on her chin. "I'm going to clean this up, but if you need stitches, I'm going to have to take you to the hospital."

Paige nodded, sitting there silently as if she was in a trance while Charlie cleaned up her hand. She didn't even flinch as Charlie carefully picked the shards of glass out of her skin. Didn't flinch as Charlie poked and prodded at her hand, making sure she got out all the glass.

"Just a few surface cuts. In a few days, you'll be as good as new," Charlie promised as she finished wrapping her hand.

"I shouldn't be here. I need to go to my parents." Going to Mike's funeral was out of the question. Now she wasn't even sure if she should go to the memorial planned for tomorrow. She had no right to be there. "Where's my phone? I need to call my brother."

"You can't leave," Briggs said.

"I can't stay here!" Paige insisted. "Not after what I did. I killed Mike, okay? I sent Sid after him. That's what the phone call was about wasn't it? You have proof that Sid killed Mike, right?"

"Yes," Briggs said. "Paige, listen to me - "

"I gave Sid Mike's name! Told Sid where he was. I _killed_ him. This is all my fault," Paige sobbed, tensing up as Charlie hugged her. Why was Charlie comforting her after what she did? Why wasn't everyone yelling at her or blaming her?

"You didn't mean - "

"Don't make excuses for me. It doesn't matter what I meant. _I _killed him! Mike's dead because of me."

"Paige, I need you to listen to me," Briggs said.

She wasn't in the mood for one of Briggs' speeches. The last thing she needed was for him to try and make her feel better. It was the last thing she deserved.

"I did this. As soon as I get a hold of my brother, I'll be out of here. Report me if you need to." She didn't care if she was brought up on charges or she lost her badge. She deserved that and more. She needed to pay for what she did to Mike.

"There's nothing to report," Briggs said, slowly looking around the living room, meeting the eyes of each roommate before settling on hers. "Mike's alive."

* * *

**check my bio page for updates**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: The next chapter should answer most of the questions people had about who knew Mike was alive and when. And just to clarify the timeline, it's been 3 days since Mike died. It wasn't my intention to drag out his death that long, but I wanted to flesh out the story and include scenes with other characters when Paige wasn't around, and the extra flashbacks I added bumped the reveal about Mike for a few chapters. Curious to know what people think...and in case you missed the announcement, Season 3 premieres on Thursday, 06/25!**

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Paige pulled away from Charlie, backing away from Briggs and she shook her head as the tears fell faster down her face. "I don't know what kind of sick game you're playing, but he's gone. Mike's gone."

The time of death was 7:14pm.

Time of death.

7:14pm.

"Paige - "

"That nurse, she told me - she told me that Mike..."

"I told her if she didn't lie, I would arrest her. Paige, Mike's alive, I'm sorry - "

"You were there! You saw him. You told me..." Paige's voice trailed off as tried to make sense of what Briggs was saying.

The room fell silent as everyone's attention was focused on her and Briggs.

"I lied," Briggs apologetically said, moving to sit across from her.

Afraid to believe Briggs, she met his eyes, trying to see if he was telling the truth or not. He lied so often about so many things, she didn't think he would lie about this. But either he lied that Mike died or he was lying that Mike was alive. Searching his eyes, she could see the regret. Not pity. Regret that he lied. Not pity because he was telling her a lie that he was somehow convinced would help her cope. She lunged at him, slapping him, as she stood over him. The sound of her hand hitting his face, echoed throughout the stunned silence of the room. Briggs stood up, rubbing his face. "You fucking bastard! YOU TOLD ME HE DIED!" She continued hitting him, pummeling her fists into his chest. Briggs didn't make a move to defend himself. He let her hit him, probably hoping she would tire herself out. But she poured all the grief and pain she had felt over the past few days into her fists and repeatedly hit him.

"Paige, settle down," Charlie said.

"I'm okay, let her get it out," Briggs said as she continued hitting him.

"How could you? How could you?" Paige cried, slapping him again.

Briggs tightly wrapped his arms around her to still her movements as Paige struggled in his arms.

Charlie stepped back and motioned for Jakes and Johnny to intervene. Jakes gently pulled Paige away and her anger gave way to hysterical crying. "He's not gone, Paige. He's not gone. Mike's alive," Jakes whispered in her ear. "Levi's alive."

Mike was alive.

Alive.

Jakes' words sank in and she relaxed against him. Her legs nearly gave out, but Jakes was there to steady her as he led her back to the couch.

Mike was alive. He wasn't gone. She didn't kill him. She needed to see him. See him with her own eyes. See that he was really okay. Make sure that this wasn't part of some plan that Briggs had to make her think that Mike was alive when he was really dead. If only she had insisted she see Mike's body at the hospital, the past few days would've played out differently. She made that mistake once, but she wouldn't make it again.

"I want to see him," Paige said.

Briggs reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Are you sure?"

"It's Mike," Paige whispered. "I - I - I have - "

Briggs wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly as she broke down in his arms. "I know. Tell me what you need."

"I need this not to be true. I need to say goodbye."

Briggs sighed, "You don't want to see him like this. Just know that, Mike - he's in a better place now. He's all around us."

She squeezed her eyes shut as she picture Mike. Still. Lifeless. Cold.

The last time she saw Mike, she didn't want it to be on some slab in the morgue. She wanted to remember him how he was, not some shell of the man he once was. "Get me out of here."

Briggs called her bluff and she played right into his hand, when she changed her mind about seeing Mike.

Johnny pushed Briggs further away from Paige, "You good?"

"I'm fine, JT."

"Good," Johnny said, before punching him in the face.

Briggs staggered back and rubbed his jaw, "I deserved that."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Charlie asked. "You told Paige Mike died and you knew he was alive? You told all of us that he died! You let me plan Mike's memorial service and you knew he was alive? Are you insane?"

"You better start talking," Jakes demanded.

Paige wrapped her arms around herself, wishing Mike's arms were wrapped around her. Even though she pushed Mike away so many times, shut down their relationship before it even got started, she wanted his arms around her. Wanted to feel his heart beating. Feel his breath upon her skin. Feel his lips pressed against hers.

Right now she didn't care about the lies he told. The secrets he had been keeping from her. None of that mattered anymore. At least not right now. In a few weeks, she might feel differently. But right now, the only thing that mattered was that Mike was alive. She would gladly put up with all of his annoyingly endearing habits, if it meant he was back in her life. If only he could find a way to forgive her for what she did. Because maybe if he forgave her, she could start to forgive herself.

"I want to see him. Where is he?" Paige asked.

"You can't see him right now," Briggs said.

"Paul Briggs, I swear to God, if you're lying about this, I will kill you myself," Charlie threatened.

"I need to see him," Paige begged. "Take me to him."

"It's better if they believe," Mike murmured, barely conscious at this point.

"Believe? Believe what?" What the hell was Mike talking about?

"That she's happy. That she's in a better place. It's better for them."

She remembered everything that happened after that moment. How betrayed she felt. How alienated she felt from him. As if she didn't know him at all. His actions didn't excuse what she did. She would have to find a way to make him understand. She needed to apologize. Beg for forgiveness. A few turns on the chore wheel weren't going to fix this. She wasn't sure if anything could fix this. But she needed to try.

"You can't see him right now," Briggs said.

"Where is Mikey? Why can't Paige see him?" Johnny asked.

"You have every reason to doubt me right now, but Mike is safe. He's in a different hospital, under a different name. FBI Agents are stationed outside his hospital room for protection and the hospital staff thinks he's under arrest."

"What happened to MIke?" Charlie asked.

Paige kept her eyes trained on Briggs, looking for any sign that he was lying or keeping something back from them.

"Sid tried to kill Mike. Sid would've succeeded if Mike hadn't been in a hospital. Sid wrapped his hand around the tube on Mike's ventilator and cut off his oxygen supply. Mike, he - he was flatlining when I got to his hospital room. Something seemed off. The blankets were askew as if he had been struggling. The hospital staff entered the room and they got Mike breathing again. I started looking at the scene like a crime scene, looking for evidence that Sid was responsible. I knew - I knew Sid knew where Mike was. I had Mike moved to another room and arranged for Mike to be transferred. I weighed the pros and cons of having Mike on the FBI's radar, but even if Mike was framed, he was innocent. Mike needed to be alive to fight."

Paige was pissed at Briggs for lying to her, yet grateful that he had been there to make sure Mike was safe. Something she hadn't been able to do. She was the reason he had been in danger. "Why can't I see him?"

"Sid knows everything. He was in this house - "

"The house is burned?" Charlie asked.

"Why are we staying here?" Johnny asked.

"I have some friends watching the house."

"So basically, we're sitting ducks," Jakes said. "Perfect."

"Let me get this straight. There's a dirty cop out there. He almost killed Mike - twice. He murdered his team, Carlos Solano and a bunch of Solano guards. And he knows who we are and where we live?" Charlie asked. "Why the hell are we staying here?"

Mike didn't do it. He wasn't responsible for the bloodbath at the Solano compound.

"We're safer here if we don't tip our hand," Briggs explained.

"Okay, fine, we'll stay here. But let me see Mike," Paige desperately pleaded, her voice trembling. "Just let me see him." She was just waiting for someone to lash out and blame her. She deserved it. She was the reason Sid was in Mike's hospital room. She lost faith in Mike and turned him over to a killer.

"You can't, not now. Sid is probably watching all of us," Briggs said.

"Mike's alone! He's all alone! If Sid tried to kill him and he knows who we are..." Paige's voice trailed off as she realized that Mike knew she betrayed him. That she was the one that sent Sid after him. "I have to see him. I'll be careful. I promise." Everything with Miike spiraled out of control. He never set out to betray her. Things snowballed, but he lied and that's what made her turn him in. But she couldn't blame him for her mistake. She needed to take responsibility for what she did. For not trusting him. He lied about Lina, but that was a far cry from massacring the LAPD's gang task force.

Everything with her and MIke was so twisted and broken, but she loved him. The day she found out he lied, she thought she'd never be able to get past what he did, but when she thought he was dead, she felt like she couldn't breathe. Like there was nothing worth living for. It took Mike dying for her to realize she forgave him, but the question was - could he ever forgive her?

As much as she wanted to see him to try and explain things, she just needed to see him. She needed to know this wasn't another dream. Wasn't a hallucination. Needed to know that she wasn't going to walk out that door only to have Mike fall into her arms, bloodied and beaten. Again.

"If Levi went through all that, he's gonna want to see Paige," Jakes said.

"I agree, there has to be a way," Charlie said.

"Mike was perfectly clear about not seeing anyone in the house until it was safe," Briggs said.

"But he didn't mean Paige," Johnny said. "You and I both know - "

"I asked him about Paige. He said, 'Especially Paige.'" Briggs sighed heavily, "I'm sorry, kiddo."

Determined, Paige shook her head, refusing to take no for an answer. "You don't understand, I need to see him. He can hate me forever, but until he tells me he never wants to see me again, I'm going to see him."

"I'll take her," Johnny said. "Come on, Briggs - this past week has been hell on all of us, but look at her. She needs to see him. If Mikey flips out, I'll take the heat. You can either tell me where Mike is or I'm going to start making calls. You owe her this."

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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thanks for reading...let me know what you think. Is it June 25th yet?**

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Johnny squeezed Paige's shoulder reassuringly as they showed their badges to the agents outside Mike's door, Jakes trailing behind them. "Do you want me to come in with you?"

"I need to do this by myself." Bringing Johnny in with her would be taking the easy way out. It would provide a buffer between her and Mike. At best, she could hope that Mike wouldn't want to unload on her in front of Johnny and he would ignore her. But however he decided to react, she deserved it after what she did.

Even though she wasn't sure Mike would ever forgive her, she needed to see him. Needed to see he was really alive. Needed to explain herself. Even if he didn't believe her, she needed to let him know she forgave him, even if he never forgave her. Needed him to know she didn't want him dead. That she had sent Sid after him, to arrest him. Not to kill him.

Johnny nodded, "I'll be right outside if you need me, P."

Paige nodded, blinking back tears as Johnny cupped her face in his hand. For three days she thought Mike was dead and would've given anything to have him alive and now that he was, she was afraid to see him. Afraid of how he would react to seeing her. Afraid to face what she had done.

"Hey, listen to me. Mike, he's stubborn, as stubborn as you are. He's gonna be mad. But Mike cares about you, I know he does. Just like when you were mad at him, you still cared about him."

"But what I did, what if - what if he can't forgive me?" Paige asked, voicing aloud that fear for the first time. It was selfish, but once the news that Mike was really alive sunk in, it preoccupied her thoughts.

"Give him time." Johnny kissed the top of her head. "Don't let him push you away. If he pushes you away, push him back."

Paige nodded and placed her hand on the doorknob, slowly opening the door. A sob escaped her throat and she placed her hand on her chest, clutching her shirt as she saw Mike lying in the hospital bed, as if all the air was sucked out of her chest. She gripped the door knob until her knuckles turned white, afraid to approach Mike. Her heart was racing in her chest and she took a few deep breaths as she cautiously approached the bed.

She stood there for what seemed like an eternity, watching his chest rise and fall with each breath, thankful to see that he was breathing fine on his own. Her eyes darted to the monitors, oddly comforted by the various blips of the machines. She was reminded of the summer before when she had waited for him to wake up when Jangles stabbed him.

His room wasn't filled with balloons and floors this time around. No stuffed bear from Johnny to tease him about the time he took down a gang of bears.

"_You're a bear."_

Should she have brought him something? Flowers? Balloons? She was pretty sure the gift shop didn't sell balloons that said, _Sorry, I sent someone to kill you. Get Well Soon._

Mike looked so peaceful. If it wasn't for the machines and paleness of his skin, he would look like he was sleeping. He hadn't shaved since he'd been in here. Paige made a mental note to pack him a care package and bring it with her the next time she visited. She had confiscated some of his clothes before Briggs packed them up, but she had his favorite tshirt, and she'd make sure to bring it. Make sure his ipod was charged. Get him some magazines and books. She was pretty sure he was bored out of his mind. It must be driving him insane not being able to leave the hospital or go outside. Running was definitely out of the question. Mike ran everyday, not just to stay in shape but because it cleared his head and she was positive there was a lot of garbage floating around his head right now.

Paige continued her silent observation of Mike, trying to gather as much information as she could in order to figure out what he needed. Mike looked like he had lost a little weight, not a lot, but just enough that she noticed. She would have to smuggle in some food for him, bring him a chili cheese dog or a Guadalajara Dog even though he was embarrassed to admit he secretly liked them. He had to be sick of hospital food. Maybe she could convince Charlie to make sauce. She wasn't sure how much longer Mike would be in the hospital, he might not even be here in three days. But if not, it could be a welcome home dinner for him. She'd have to text Charlie for an ingredient list and stop at the store on the way home.

Mike needed his rest and she didn't want to disturb his sleep, but she couldn't stop herself from reaching out to run her fingers through his hair. She needed to touch him. Needed to reassure herself that he was really here, that this wasn't another dream or hallucination.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Paige whispered, her voice barely audible as she gently stroked his hair. The simple action comforted her. Reassured her that this was real. He was real. "You have to believe me." Mike was alive. He could hate her all he wanted. But he was alive, no thanks to her. She was going to do whatever it took to get him to forgive her and earn back his trust.

She desperately needed his forgiveness. If only it was as easy as crawling through broken glass. Because she'd do it. She'd do anything he asked. Her hand stilled as Mike stirred.

"_There's those blue eyes."_

His eyes slowly opened, his gaze hazy and unfocused but it hardened once he saw her. She guiltily pulled her hand away.

"Why?"

A simple question. A single word. But her answer was anything but simple.

"How could you? How could you think I did all those things? Despite everything that happened, everything I did, how could you think that?"

When his questions were met with silence, he kept asking questions. She smiled slightly, despite being the target of his interrogation. Mike was alive. She said she'd give anything to argue with him again and it looked like she was getting her wish.

Relieved he was even talking to her, Paige sat down next to him and started to reach for his hand and felt like she had been slapped when he pulled it away. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I thought - I thought if you lied about Lina, you _lied_ to me about Lina. Again and again you lied to me. If I meant something to you and you lied to me, then I wasn't sure what you were capable of. I thought you could be lying about everything else," Paige rambled, the words spilling out of her mouth. She knew she should choose her words more carefully, but now that she started talking, she couldn't stop. "The lengths you went to with the letter you forged, I thought, I hoped - fuck, Mike, I believed it was true. Then I found out you were lying. I couldn't believe you did that to me." He had been so desperate to save his case, that she didn't know what lengths he would go to. She lost faith in him. He failed her. And his career had been tanking so fast that she no longer had any idea what he was capable of.

"The letter wasn't for you. It was for her family," Mike said, his voice getting hoarse. "You weren't supposed to find out."

Just because she wasn't supposed to find out, didn't make it okay. Just like not knowing the outcome of her actions, didn't excuse her. Paige handed him a glass of water, "You should rest. We can talk later. I just have one more thing to tell you, then I'll let you get some rest." How did everything go wrong with them? Things used to be so easy with them. They used to be honest with each other.

Mike clenched his jaw, waiting for her to continue. He took a drink of water and set it down on the bedside table.

"I understand if you can't forgive me. Especially with how I treated you, when I wouldn't forgive you. But I want you to know that all I ever wanted from you was the truth. I never wanted - God, Mike, I never thought. If I had thought - I didn't," Paige quietly said, struggling not to cry. "I'm sorry. I don't have an excuse and I'm not making one, but you have to believe me, I never wanted things to end like this. I never wanted - I wasn't thinking, I was just - "

"You being sorry doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that you sent someone to kill me. So much for Graceland being sacred," MIke snapped.

"I didn't send Sid to kill you! I sent him to arrest you! I never would've sent anyone to kill you."

"You sent him to arrest me?" Mike asked, unable to keep the bitterness out of his voice. "You sent a man that had me at gunpoint _after_ his team slaughtered everyone at Sulla's to arrest me? I was _unarmed_, Paige. Unarmed and he was about to shoot me when you walked in the room and you gave up my alias to him? If you wanted me dead, why not just let him kill me then? It would've been easier to cover up. Easier for your conscience."

"No, Mike - I didn't - "

"You're a fucking coward!"

"I never wanted you dead!"

"There's no excuse for turning me over to Sid. _None_! If you wanted me to pay, you should've turned me into The Bureau!"

"You have to believe me, Mike. I - "

"That's just it, Paige. I don't _have to_ believe you. You didn't believe me. My word is shit, remember? Well, so is yours. As soon as I'm cleared to travel, I'm going back to DC and as far away from you as possible."

"Mike, you can't do that," Paige said. He couldn't leave. He couldn't leave before she had a chance to fix things. She wasn't sure what kind of reaction she was expecting from Mike, but she wasn't expecting him to run from Graceland. To want to get so far away from her that he was leaving as soon as he could travel. Maybe that made her a hypocrite because she was leaving Graceland too. Or at least she had been earlier that day. But that was before she learned Mike was alive. Even though everyone had been great to her at the house, there was the chance that they wouldn't want her there anymore.

"I can. I never should've come back this summer. I wish..." Mike's voice trailed off, his voice filled with sadness. "I wish I never met you."

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Johnny collapsed on the couch next to Charlie as Paige angrily marched upstairs.

"How is he?" Charlie asked. "How does he look? Is he eating?"

"I didn't get a chance to see Mike. Paige went in first and they fought. I thought I was going to have to stop the guys from throwing Paige out of his room, but she ran out in tears before that happened." The agents watching over Mike had one order - protecting Mike. But even though Paige had turned Mike in, she would never intentionally hurt him. Mike wasn't in any danger from her. The stress from seeing her probably didn't do Mike any good, but not seeing him wouldn't do her any good. Unless a doctor told him that Paige shouldn't see Mike, she was going to see him. Until Mike decided otherwise. And even then, he wasn't sure Paige would stay away from Mike. Both of them were stubborn as hell and neither were going to give in. And he wasn't sure whose side to take. If he stood by Paige, because she had been through hell over the past few days. Or if he should take Mike's because she gave him up and almost got him killed in the process. "It was bad, Charlie. Mike said he wished he never met her and he's going back to DC as soon as he can."

"He can't do that."

"He's pissed." Johnny looked around, wanting to make sure Paige hadn't snuck back downstairs, because the last thing he wanted was for her to overhear. "She almost got him killed," Johnny whispered, keeping his voice low.

"You and I both know, she didn't mean it."

"Not meaning it doesn't matter to Mike."

"You weren't there the night they met. The way Mike looked at Paige, that's not something someone gets over."

"I think almost dying because your girl turns you over to the cop that she knows wants you dead trumps your love at first sight theory."

Charlie smacked his arm, "You have to have faith."

"Maybe, we'll see." Part of him felt like Mike could've forgiven Paige for anything. She probably could've shot him after he got her out of Sulla's and he would've begged for forgiveness, but it was going to take a miracle for them to work through this.

"Where's Jakes?"

"We left him at the hospital babysitting Mike. Paige was freaking out about him being left alone, so he stayed behind." Johnny shook his head, if Paige had been that paranoid earlier they wouldn't be in this mess. "Is Briggs around?" He wouldn't apologize for punching him and he was still angry with him, for not trusting him - any of them with the truth about Mike being alive, but now that he knew Mike was alive and Sid tried to kill him, he would have to put aside his issues to bring down Sid.

"He took off a while ago."

"He left you here alone knowing that Sid's watching this house?" Not that Charlie wasn't capable of taking care of herself, but with Sid watching them, Briggs shouldn't chance it.

"Sid has a family and he has no team, he can't watch us 24/7."

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	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I did say things would get better...and they will...later. But Mike being alive makes things better, right? Thanks for reading...and let me know what you think. It was always my intention to write Mike's side of this story as well, but in a separate fic because I really wanted this to be her dealing with things. I have this fic outlined...has been for almost two months, I'm just having trouble starting it. Because every time I plan to work on it, I start working on other things and don't even open the document :(**

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Mike made it perfectly clear that he didn't want to be around her, but he hadn't told her not to visit and until he did, she was going to keep showing up.

Paige held her fingers up to her lips, hoping the agents wouldn't wake up Jakes who was sleeping in a chair outside of Mike's room. She was probably being paranoid, there were two federal agents outside of Mike's room. But if Sid got to Mike once, he could get to him again. He killed his entire task force and framed Mike for it. She wouldn't put it past Sid to kill the men guarding Mike. She felt that Mike would be safer if someone from the house was with him at all times. Or maybe she felt guilty. She was a hypocrite. She had been so cavalier with his life and now she was paranoid about him not being left alone. She desperately wanted to make things right between them but didn't know where to start if he wouldn't even talk to her.

She appreciated that Jakes stayed with Mike, but she didn't want to hear a lecture from him. How was she supposed to just let Mike be? She knew he was pushing her away, but the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was giving up on him. She could fight with him tomorrow. Besides, he was sleeping right now. He wouldn't even know she was here. It was late or early, depending on how you looked at things. According to the nurse, Mike had a sedative a few hours ago and he would still be asleep for a few more hours before it started to wear off.

Paige quietly slipped into Mike's room, being careful not to make any noise. She didn't want to risk waking him up, she just wanted to watch him sleep.

It was still so surreal that he was alive. The past week had been hell thinking that he was dead. She wanted to kill Briggs for telling her that Mike was dead when he knew perfectly well that he wasn't. She was mad at Mike too. But at least he had the excuse of being angry with her. Briggs didn't have an excuse. Only that it fit better with whatever his plan was.

Paige sat down in the chair next to Mike's bed, content to watch him sleep for a while. Even though she had seen him earlier, she was still in disbelief that he was alive. She had never understood the fascination Mike had with watching her sleep. She supposed it was the romantic in him. There was a sweetness about it, a sentimentality she had never understood the necessity of until now.

_Her eyes slowly opened and she snuggled deeper into his embrace as he quickly shut his eyes. "I saw you. I'm a trained federal agent, I see everything." She pressed her lips to his chest. "Freak." If the weirdest thing Mike liked to do in bed was watch her sleep, she could deal. Although, she would have to see if there were weirder things he liked to do but hadn't told her yet._

"_You're beautiful," Mike murmured, lightly tracing his fingers along her spine. "Your fault."_

_Paige laughed as he pulled her closer, "How long have you been awake?"_

_Mike pressed his lips against hers, "Not long."_

"_It's early."_

"_Too early?" Mike asked, his hands wandering beneath the sheets._

"_Never," Paige whispered, wrapping her arms around Mike's neck, okay with being up this early if it meant his lips were on hers._

She must've been staring at him for at least an hour, if not longer, but each breath he took reminded her that he was real. This wasn't some dream she was going to wake up from and he wouldn't be here when she awoke. This wasn't some nightmare or hallucination where he was dying or tormenting her. This was real. Mike was real. She hesitantly reached out, gently placing her hand over his heart so she could feel his heart beating. She carefully watched him, wanting to be sure she didn't disturb him. She was grateful he was sleeping. That meant his eyes weren't full of hatred when he looked at her. She could just pretend this was a stolen moment where she was watching him sleep, only she didn't want him to catch her. There would be no teasing eye roll followed by a good morning kiss that would quickly turn into more. No. None of that. If he caught her watching him sleep, his eyes would harden and he'd order her out of his room. Too weak to throw her out, he would probably have to ask one of the agents in the hall make her leave. Paige blinked back tears, checking her watch, wanting to be sure she left before he woke up. She had about an hour before his sedative started to wear off.

Paige reluctantly pulled her hand away from his chest, "I'm sorry," Paige whispered. "This is all my fault. I'm so sorry."

This was the second time Mike ended up in the hospital since being at Graceland. Once last summer, and now. Both times they fought when he woke up. She left his hospital room in tears both times. But what she did paled in comparison to finding out he was investigating Briggs.

"_Paige, I'm just trying to tell you the truth here."_

"_I can't be here right now." Her head was spinning. She had asked Mike to come clean with her so many times, knowing he was holding something back, but she never expected this to be his secret. Never expected him to tell her that he was investigating Briggs. Who was Mike Warren? Was he a rat? The rookie she had been hanging out with all summer? Or someone else entirely?_

"_Paige, wait, please, just - "_

Why did both of them have to be so stubborn? Why did she have to push Mike away when he wanted to talk? She did it again and again. She shut him out completely after he got her out of Sulla's. If she had just listened to him, tried to understand his reasoning, maybe things wouldn't have gotten so fractured between them. Maybe he wouldn't have felt like he had to lie to her.

Maybe.

If only.

Things went wrong in so many ways that it was impossible to pinpoint the exact moment and she could drive herself crazy wondering how things would've turned out if one of them had made one different decision. Reacted differently. Listened.

Her heart started beating faster and she closed her eyes, trying to ward off another panic attack.

Breathe.

She counted to five as she slowly released a breath. The last thing she wanted was for Mike to wake up and not only find her in his hospital room, but to find her having a panic attack in his hospital room. He'd find out about them eventually, the whole house knew. She didn't want him to know how hard this had been on her, even if it could get her some sympathy and compassion from him. Because he didn't owe her anything.

Paige slowly opened her eyes, smiling softly as she looked at Mike. He was here. Alive. He hated her, but he was alive. Her heart stopped racing and she breathed a sigh of relief because she avoided a panic attack.

Mike couldn't freeze her out forever, could he? Well, he could. Especially if he went back to DC. She had zero chance of fixing things between them if he went back to DC. Forget about their relationship, she wasn't even sure if their friendship was salvageable if he stayed, but she had to try. The easy thing to do would be to give Mike what he wanted. Keep her distance. Move out of Graceland as planned. Put her head down and get back to work. Try to forget Mike Warren even existed if that was what he really wanted.

But she loved him.

She couldn't forget about Mike, even if she tried. He mattered to her. It didn't matter that they never technically dated. Or that they were only together a few weeks. Whatever was going on between them started the night they met. Mike wasn't just some one night stand that she hooked up with one night and kept sleeping with because it was convenient.

He was Mike.

The rookie FBI agent she met in the bathroom of a karaoke bar. The asshole that returned from DC a year later. The deer to her headlight. The man that broke her heart and everything in between.

It would be easier to give up. But she gave up on Mike once. She wasn't going to make that mistake again. She would move to DC if she had to. She had thought about it before. Oddly, she thought about it before she and Mike got together. Because Graceland felt so empty after Mike moved out. But she felt pathetic for even entertaining the idea of moving across the country to follow a man that she hadn't done more than kiss.

_Mike looked over his shoulder, before reaching for Paige's hand as they walked further down the beach. "You ever think about what happens after you leave Graceland?"_

_Paige pulled away from Mike and hugged herself, suddenly feeling chilly on the cool summer night. Leaving Graceland. That wasn't anywhere on her radar, but she couldn't stay here forever. At some point she would have to leave, but she didn't want to think about that now, even if she understood why it was on Mike's mind._

"_Sorry," Mike apologized, dropping a kiss on her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. "You cold?"_

"_Better now." Paige looked over her shoulder, smiling at him. "I just - I'm here now. You're here now." She didn't want to think about the future. Didn't want to think about what would happen when it was time for Mike to make his decision when this case was over._

"_I know, I wonder sometimes, if - if you've ever thought about the East Coast," Mike quietly said, his unspoken question hanging in the air._

"_A little." He said East Coast, but he meant DC. They both knew it._

_Mike hugged her tighter, and rested his chin on top of her shoulder. "I - I think about you there too," Mike murmured._

Taking a risk, Paige leaned forward and brushed her lips over his cheek. "Night, Mike," she softly whispered before leaving.

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	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Thanks for reading. This chapter's kind of filler...thinks start picking up again in the next few chapters. let me know what you think.**

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"Late night?" Charlie asked, giving Paige a knowing smile as she wandered into the kitchen. Jakes trailed in behind her but headed upstairs. "Mike's not going to be on sedatives forever."

Paige shrugged as she poured herself a cup of coffee. Apparently, her visiting Mike at night was the worst kept secret in the house. It was probably Briggs that told on her. Between Jakes, Johnny and Briggs one of them was always with Mike overnight. Her panic attacks had stopped, but she was still having nightmares. Which meant she got more sleep in Johnny's bed than her own and since Johnny needed to be sleeping in his bed in order for to get some sleep, he didn't usually get the overnight shift guarding Mike. But after she started going to the hospital at night, he started accompanying her to the hospital to relieve Briggs or Jakes. He had been really angry with her when she went to the hospital alone that first night. Part of her wanted to tell him to fuck off and that she could take care of herself, but she knew how worried Johnny was about her. How worried everyone had been about her. She figured that was why no one was really mad at her for what she did to Mike. They felt sorry for her or maybe deep down, they thought he did those horrible things like she did, even if none of them would've done what she did. There was also the possibility that they were all too relieved that Mike was really alive and were focused on catching Sid to waste energy on being angry with her. "But he is now." What Mike didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Not that she wanted to keep another secret from him. But this wasn't really a secret. If he asked her about it, she'd tell him. Any number of people could tell him. But for now, she was going to keep visiting him at night, since it was the only time they didn't fight. Even though Mike told her to stay away, it hadn't stopped her from visiting him during the day. Not that those visits ended well. Or lasted very long without them arguing. Yesterday's visit ended in disaster. "You don't think it's a good idea that I see him, do you?"

Charlie sighed, moving to stand next to her. "I think you're doing what you need to do. There's a lot of unfinished business and unresolved feelings for you and Mike. You've been on an emotional rollercoaster, thinking that Mike was gone."

"_**Dead**_, Charlie. I thought Mike was dead because _Briggs_ faked his death. Mike didn't want us thinking he died." This wasn't for a few hours like when Mike thought Johnny died in an explosion retrieving the submarine filled with heroin for Bello. This went on for days. "For 4 days I thought he was dead! You're pregnant and Briggs let you plan a memorial service. What kind of man does that to the mother of his child? I was planning to go to New York for a funeral that wasn't going to happen! I wrote his mom a letter. The only reason I didn't give it to her was because I was planning to give it to her in person."

Charlie laughed softly, "You two - you and Mike, even when you two are at odds, you're still taking his side."

"Don't make this about that." Everyone took sides in Graceland. Even when they said they weren't, everyone took sides. Why was it such a big deal when she and Mike took the same side? No one made a big deal about Charlie siding with Briggs or when Briggs backed up Charlie. Jakes usually sided with Briggs. Johnny always had her back. But _everyone_ had something to say if she took Mike's side. Everyone wanted to talk about her banging the rat or know the source of their issues. Both she and Mike had done a lot of things wrong, but faking Mike's death, that was _all_ Briggs.

"No, let's talk about that. Paul was wrong, he had no business faking Mikey's death with us. We deserved to know, especially you. But going back to last summer, the whole time with that Odin Rossi mess and Mike thinking Briggs was Odin, you were pissed at him for being a rat, but you helped him. You kept your mouth shut when Mike was investigating Briggs because he wanted - "

"He didn't ask me to keep quiet."

"_You're a rat?" Paige asked in disbelief._

"_What? No. A rat? No, I'm not a rat. That's not what I'm saying," Mike pleaded, desperate to explain._

"_I don't even know what to say." All this time, Mike had been lying. This explained everything. Why he never seemed at ease at Graceland. Why it always felt like he was holding back. It wasn't because he was a rookie, trying to navigate the job. Wasn't because he didn't want to be placed at Graceland. It was because he was a rat._

"_You don't have to say anything. Um, I just have to tell somebody. Somebody that I can trust."_

All Mike wanted was to tell her the truth. He trusted her enough to tell her something that put his life _and_ career in jeopardy. And how did she repay him? She walked out on him. He trusted her _again_ and she burned him. If she ever won back his trust, she wouldn't make the same mistakes. Mike deserved more. Deserved better.

Better than her.

"You did that all on your own?" Charlie asked. "Don't tell me that Mike didn't want you to keep quiet."

"_You got some real balls, you know that?" She couldn't believe that Mike was all buddy buddy with Briggs, just waiting for him to slip up so he could build his case and betray him in order to further his own career. _

"_Wow. I thought, after this morning, we were past all that."_

"_I'm not going to let you die in the living room, Mike, but I can't watch you play best friends with Briggs, not after what you told me."_

"_It's complicated."_

"_No, it's not. You're sitting down there, lying your ass off, to the only people who give a shit about you." Was anything she shared with Mike real? Or was their whole friendship a lie?_

"For the record, he never asked me to keep quiet. I did that all on my own. He told Briggs the truth because of me." Mike hadn't wanted her to say anything. But he hadn't asked her to keep quiet. Hadn't asked her to keep his secret. He had been convinced she had said something to everyone before he came home from the hospital, but she didn't. Not because she agreed with him. But because she wouldn't rat him out without giving him a chance to explain himself. "Don't project your issues with Briggs onto me and Mike, we have enough issues of our own."

"How is what Briggs does any different? It was all for the case. All those questionable decisions that look bad if they're an isolated incident, but they don't look so bad once you know the plan."

"The plan? The _plan_ was for me to think Mike died! How many times did I wake up screaming? The panic attacks? The guilt? I hate myself for what I did. Briggs knew how hard this was on me and he still let me believe Mike was dead. I get why he couldn't tell me at the hospital, but this went on for days."

"Briggs feels really bad - "

Paige shook her head, bitterly laughing. "He feels bad? I really don't care." Paige finished her coffee, "I'm going to the hospital."

"You need - "

"I'm really sick of everyone telling me what I need to do. I _need_ to fix things with Mike. I _need_ to see him. Even if he doesn't want to see me, I _need_ to see him. Even if all we do is fight, I _need_ to see him." Even though Mike kept reminding her that he didn't want to see her, he never once tried to bar her from his room. He could've told the agents outside his room not to let her in, but he didn't. She was taking that as permission to keep visiting him.

"I get it," Charlie said, softening her tone. "But, I don't want you running yourself ragged. At some point, you have to take care of yourself."

"Seeing Mike helps me." It didn't do anything to help with her guilt, but it helped keep the nightmares at bay. Mostly. She only woke up once last night. That was progress. Of course, she was awake for half of the night. She spent a few hours sitting at Mike's bedside and that didn't even account for the time it took her, well - Johnny, to drive to and from the hospital. "Even if he's angry with me."

"He's pretty upset," Charlie gently said. "If you want, I could talk to him."

"Does he - does he ask about me?" Paige asked, unused to feeling insecure. But she needed to know if Mike felt more than anger for her. Even if he argued with her, at least he was acknowledging her. He cared enough to be hurt. But she wanted to know If he wondered about her. Wondered how she was. Wondered anything about her.

"Paige, I'm sorry, but Mike - he doesn't want to really talk about you. Whenever I try to bring you up, he gets really upset. He asked me to leave when I mentioned you yesterday. But I - "

"No," Paige interrupted, tears threatening to spill down her face. "Don't talk to him about me. It's better for him to have you guys. I don't want him to be alone." Paige swiped at her eyes, "Okay, that's enough. I'm sick of crying. Tell me what's going on with Sid."

"You don't need to worry about it."

No one would tell her anything. She felt like she was under house arrest. All of them were sticking pretty close to home, with the exception of visiting Mike in the hospital. But everyone kept telling her she was under enough stress with Mike and she didn't need to worry about Sid too. "How am I not supposed to worry about it? There's a cop out there with ties to Carlito Solano and he tried to kill Mike. He did kill Mike. He was in this house and knows we all live here and we're after him. How am I not supposed to freak out? Maybe because I handed Mike over to Sid - "

"Don't you even think about that," Charlie warned, immediately picking up on her line of thinking.

"None of us are safe as long as Sid is out there! Not me, not you - not your baby! None of us!"

"You don't think I know that? You don't think I'm thinking about that? I'm trusting that Paul will handle this."

Her faith in Briggs used to be unshakeable. Even after she learned he was addicted to heroin and Mike was convinced he was Odin Rossi, she still had faith in him. Now she wasn't as sure. Oh, she was sure that Briggs would make sure Sid paid. What she wasn't sure of was how.

"We'll see."

Mike probably asked Briggs to keep her away from everything. She couldn't blame Mike for not trusting her. Or the rest of the house for not trusting her. They had every reason not to trust her. But she wasn't going to sit idly by while Briggs handled this. She should be going over security footage or interviewing people. Looking at ballistic reports from the massacre at the Solano compound. That was what she should've been doing instead of crying for over a week.

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**check my bio page for updates**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Thanks for sticking with this story...I know it's been angsty and I've been promising for a while that it gets better. But it had to get worse before it got better, right? Just wondering if people had to choose a side (for this story)...Paige or Mike? As always, I'm curious to know what people think and desperately hope the writers find a believable way to redeem Paige this season.**

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"You're not supposed to be here," Mike said, catching sight of her entering his hospital room as he slowly walked from the bathroom in his room to the bed.

"You're moving around better," Paige quietly said, resisting the urge to walk over to Mike and help him. He didn't want her help and she couldn't deal with him pushing her away, especially with how they ended things yesterday.

"_I made a lot of mistakes, but __**you**_ _put Lina on that bus. You put a target on her back when Sulla lost money because of her. Me trying to get her out of there, that's what got her killed. What happened to Lina is just as much your fault as it is mine."_

_Paige stared at him, shocked that he would say that to her._

"_Paige..."_

_She could hear the apology in his voice and see the regret in his eyes. But as much as she wanted him to comfort her, she didn't deserve it. Mike was right, she did those things. Sulla had already been targeting Lina when Mike moved in there. She heard Sulla beating Lina on the audio surveillance. "No, you're right. I did those things. I thought - I was trying to save her, but I made things worse." Paige jumped up and grabbed her bag, "I should go. You need to rest."_

He said some pretty harsh things to her, but those were harsh truths she needed to hear.

"About yesterday," Mike began.

"Don't, okay?" She was barely hanging onto her sanity. She didn't have the energy to fight with Mike today. She seriously debated not stopping by to see him at all, but she just needed to see him for a few minutes, because seeing him reminded her she was alive. She dropped a paper bag on the foot of the bed before walking over to the window. "I got you a salad and there's some chicken noodle soup in there. Charlie made the soup. It's pretty good."

One minute. They had gone almost a whole minute without fighting. That had to be some sort of record. She should leave now.

"Gotta keep my strength up, just in case someone tries to kill me," Mike joked.

"I was wrong and I don't blame you if you hate me forever, but you're not blameless in this. If you had been honest with me - "

"When Paige? When was I supposed to be honest with you? You shut me down every time I tried talking to you, because I wasn't saying what you wanted to hear. Things were so strained between us, I thought there was a chance you might've let Sid kill me back in the warehouse. Maybe you should have."

Paige turned around at Mike's words. "What?"

"This would all be over. You would've had Sid on murder charges and - "

"And you'd be dead! Do you really think I want that?"

"You sent Sid to kill me! That would've just eliminated you as the middleman. You - "

"Fuck you, Mike," Paige snapped. The last thing she wanted to do was fight with him today, but she was sick of being his emotional punching bag. All the anger she had pushed down because she thought he died came bubbling to the surface and she was ready to unload on him. "I was wrong, I can admit that. I fucked up, okay? I lost faith and I stopped trusting you. Can you blame me for that? All I ever wanted from you was the truth, but you lied to me. How did you keep all your lies straight? Was anything between us real?"

Mike insisted she was more than a _passing fling_. That night he practically told her that he loved her. And she believed him. Only now she wasn't so sure. What if that had been a lie too? Because his first summer at Graceland, their whole friendship had been built on lies. Lies of omission due to his assignment, but still lies. He also lied to her about breaking up with Abby. Lying used to make him uncomfortable. That certainly wasn't the case any more. Should she chalk that up to Briggs? One more thing Mike learned from his training officer or was him being uncomfortable with the lies all part of his act?

"You're asking me if anything was real?" Mike asked, unable to mask the hurt in his voice as he slowly moved towards her. "You know how much you mean - _meant _to me."

"I know how much I mean to you now," Paige tearfully whispered. "I ruined everything. Everything we had, I destroyed it. Destroyed us. But I didn't do it alone. I didn't recognize you anymore. You were so obsessed with Sid and catching him that you turned into a man I didn't recognize. That night when Lina died, you should've told me."

"Told you what? That every time I tried to protect Lina, it just made Sulla more interested? That Sulla was trying to assault her and I stopped him? That I tried to take her out of there and he stabbed her repeatedly? That I tried to save her and I couldn't? That I almost killed him? My hands were wrapped around his throat and I almost killed him with my bare hands, but one of his guys hit me and knocked me off him. He told me she was my mess and I had to clean it up. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is it? Because I tried calling you that night. I tried calling you afterwards and I couldn't. I didn't know how to tell you she was gone. I didn't know how to tell you that I failed you."

Stunned into silence, Paige was horrified as Mike finally shared the details of that night with her. Everything she suspected was true.

"_The worst part was, was seeing these girls not know whether or not they wanted to be bought, hoping that where they were going was better than where they were."_

Would Lina have been better off if she let that man buy her that day? Would she be alive? Instead she was beaten. Assaulted. Murdered. Burned.

And for what? So Mike could keep his Op going? That was the simple answer. She knew it was more complicated than that. That in order to shut it down for good, Sulla's needed to be kept open. But it was kept open at the expense of her girls. At the expense of Lina's life.

Images of what happened to Lina started flashing through her mind and she squeezed her hand into a fist, pressing her nails into the palm of her hand to help keep her in the present. She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly, knowing she needed to keep her breathing under control or she'd have another panic attack.

"Paige?" Mike asked, reaching out to gently place his hand on her shoulder.

Paige looked down at his hand in confusion and he quickly dropped it. This was the first time he touched her since finding her at Sulla's. She could see how much it had hurt him when she refused his comfort, especially when the rest of the house welcomed her home. But she probably would've slapped him if he had tried. The affection that consumed them behind closed doors didn't burn out or fade away, it was just gone. It was as if their personal connection was erased. Then Mike got shot and she thought she was wrong about him. For a few fleeting moments, she thought things could work out between them. She had covered him up with a jacket when delivering his ID, before discovering the truth. Then she turned him over to Sid and Briggs faked his death. Since finding out he was alive, all she wanted to do was touch him, but every time she did, he pulled away. Unless he was asleep. That was the only time she could touch him. And now that he had reached out to comfort her, she unintentionally pushed him away.

"Sorry," Mike mumbled.

"No, don't - it's okay. I needed to know what happened."

"I never wanted - "

"Mike, please," Paige pleaded, not wanting him to see how much everything had been affecting her, but letting him know was the only chance she had at some semblance of a truce. "I can't fight with you anymore. Whatever you want to say to me, can it just wait until tomorrow? I'm barely holding it together. You're still in here. You hate me and I have to find a way to live with what I did. Sid's out there and no one will tell me anything. I'm tired and I'm stressed and you probably don't care about any of that, why would you? You keep saying you want me to go, so I'll go." Paige moved to sidestep him but he held out his hand, stopping her.

"Believe it or not, I don't want to fight with you." Mike held her gaze for a few seconds, sadly smiling. "You're wrong."

"_You're wrong," Mike insisted, backing her up against the wall._

_Laughing, Paige held her hand behind her back, determined to keep the last ice-cream bar for herself. "Six bars, six of us. Seventeen hundred on your practicals and you can't do simple math? What did they teach you at Quantico?"_

"_Johnny ate two, I asked Charlie to save me one, so that one's mine."_

"_Possession is nine tenths of the law, Agent Warren," Paige teased._

"_Come on, I spent all day watching westerns with Bello. Please." Mike pouted giving her his best puppy dog eyes._

"_Fine, I'll share." Paige pulled out the ice cream bar and took a bite, offering it to Mike. He took a bite, then grabbed it from her hand and ran off. "Mike!" Paige screamed, running after him. Laughing she ran into Briggs and he pointed in the kitchen._

Since she didn't have an ice-cream bar behind her back, the odds of this conversation ending up with the both of them laughing before collapsing in the sand were slim. "Mike, please don't." She was exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Charlie was right, she needed to start taking care of herself. But she also needed to see Mike. Figure out a way to get involved with the investigation into Sid.

Paige sighed heavily and her shoulders slumped as she waited to see if he was going to let it drop. She just didn't have it in her to fight with him right now. She was so sick of fighting with him.

"You said, I don't care. You're wrong. I care."

For the second time that day, she stood there stunned into silence. Positive she heard him wrong, she closed her eyes for a few seconds, convinced that when she opened them, Mike would be sleeping and this would be happening in her head. Her eyes shot open when she felt Mike's hand on her face, lightly stroking her jaw with his thumb. She held her breath for a few seconds, unsure what was happening. _If_ this was happening. If she was hallucinating again.

"You're trembling," Mike murmured, reaching for hands.

Mike brushed his thumbs over her knuckles and she watched him, still in disbelief that he was willingly touching her. Just a simple touch that didn't used to be out of the ordinary. She looked up, offering him a small smile when he met her gaze.

They stood silently for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. She wondered if Mike was as afraid to speak as she was. Afraid to say the wrong thing. Afraid to start _another_ fight. Afraid to take a tiny step forward and hug. Afraid to apologize. Instead, they just stood there, lost in the moment, content to just _be_ in each other's company for the first time in months.

The spell was broken when the door opened and a nurse bustled in, "Mr. Warren, you should be in bed."

"I just needed to stretch my legs. Can you give us a minute? We're kind of in the middle of something?" Mike asked, turning to flash a smile at the nurse, while still holding onto her hands.

"It's time to change your dressing and Dr. West will be in soon to check on you. Two minutes," she said, disappearing back in the hall.

"That's my cue to leave," Paige said, suddenly anxious to make a hasty exit as she pulled away from him. Both of their outbursts seemed to clear the air between them. Mike was actually being civil to her and she wanted to get out of here before they started fighting again. Whatever the nurse interrupted, she couldn't deal with _that_ on top of everything else.

"Paige, you don't - "

"Maybe she can heat up that soup for you. It's probably cold by now. I should've packed it in a thermos or something," Paige said, desperate to talk about anything impersonal.

Mike met her eyes for a few moments and nodded, "Yeah, I'll ask. Thanks."

"Yeah, well, I should get going."

"Are you okay to drive?"

"I'm fine."

"Who drove you out here?"

"What makes you think someone drove me out here?" Paige suspiciously asked as Mike moved past her towards the bed. Not wanting to push her luck, she kept her distance, letting him climb in by himself. She moved the bag she put on his bed earlier, setting it on his overbed table.

"Never mind, just ignore me. You should probably go home and get some rest."

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**check my bio page for updates**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Not really much to say...other than less than 2 months until Season 3 premieres! Clearly, I'm chomping at the bit...and all the pics surfacing on social media help, but still...almost 2 months...**

**let me know what you think...**

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"What's going on?" Paige asked, walking into the kitchen, glancing at the stacks of folders and scattered papers spread all over the table. The drive home from the hospital had helped her calm down, but she didn't want to think about what happened earlier with Mike. What it meant when he said he cared. She didn't have time to think about that right now. Mike was alive and safe in the hospital, but Sid was still out there. Right now, that had to be her priority. She needed to make sure that Sid could never hurt any of them again.

Johnny looked at Briggs, and he gave him a small nod. "We're trying to figure out what to do with Sid," Johnny explained.

"So what's the plan?" Paige tentatively asked, wondering if Charlie had talked to Briggs about what they spoke about earlier, about how she needed to be involved. She needed somewhere else to focus her energy, because spending her days crying over Mike and fighting with him were slowly driving her mad. Although, today was different. Today, gave her hope. But she couldn't focus on that right now.

"The plan is that there is no plan," Johnny said, clearly frustrated as he shoved away the file he was flipping through.

"I have a plan, but you shot it down," Briggs pointed out.

"It's too risky," Jakes said, waving his hand at him. "Too many unknown variables."

"Go big or go home," Briggs said.

"Mike's coming home next week, he can't come home if Sid's still out there," Paige quietly said. For obvious reasons, she canceled her trip out East and her visit to her parents. She was still seriously considering leaving Graceland. She had talked to Silvo and let him know she needed some more time to think things over, and he told her to take all the time she needed. Her brother said she was welcome to stay with him for a while if she needed to move. She hadn't told him specifics, but like her parents he thought she was grieving her boyfriend. But even if she decided to leave Graceland, she couldn't go to her brother's until Sid was behind bars. It was one thing for Sid to be gunning for her and the rest of her roommates, but she couldn't put a target on her brother's back.

"Sid's the problem. We need to eliminate the problem," Briggs said.

"That's not what Mike wants," Paige said. Everyone turned to look at her and she looked down at the table, reaching for the nearest file, just waiting for someone to blow up at her. She could tell everyone was thinking that she gave up her right to speak for Mike when she gave him up to Sid. But Mike wouldn't want Sid dead. As much as Mike was like Briggs, killing wasn't the answer for him. Mike would want Sid to have to answer to his crimes. Mike would want Sid in jail, not in some unmarked shallow grave, buried with so many of Briggs' secrets.

"She's right," Jakes said, breaking the silence. "Mike's career is over unless we clear his name. We can't clear his name if Sid is dead."

"We can do both," Briggs said. "Clear Mike's name and something can go wrong when we're apprehending Sid. Maybe - "

"No," Paige insisted. "Killing Sid isn't the kind of justice that Mike wants. You can decide how to deal with the next person that tries to kill you, but Sid's going to to rot in a jail cell and that's final."

"Can we go over what we actually have on Sid?" Johnny asked. "You have his fingerprints all over Mike's hospital room, don't you?"

"Paige sent him there to arrest him," Briggs said. "SId could easily explain that away."

"Didn't you find Sid's fingerprints on Mike's ventilator?" Paige asked. "If you got there when Mike was flatlining and locked down the room afterwards, there wasn't a chance for Sid to go in there."

"Sid could claim that he went to the room after Mike _died_ and touched it then," Briggs explained.

"What about the ballistics report?" Jakes asked. "Sid shot himself - with Mike's gun. If we can prove that Sid shot himself, that'll give us a motive."

"We already have a motive. Mike was after Sid, he didn't make it a secret," Paige said. "There's everything with the bank and Clarke witnessed their fight downtown."

"Are we even safe here?" Johnny asked. "Should we move to another safe house?"

"Graceland is supposed to be a safe house," Paige mused. This was supposed to be the one place where they were safe. Where they could put away their covers and trust that everything within these walls was sacred. Somewhere along the way that changed. There were too many lies and hidden agendas. Not that she was blameless, she played a part as well. But she shouldn't distrust her roommates more than she trusted them. Not all of them. Mainly Briggs.

"And it's burned," Johnny said. "We need to stay off the radar. On the off chance that Sid has an insider with the FBI, we can't risk any paperwork about a new location."

"So what, we're supposed to move into the apartment I got for me and Daniel?" Jakes asked. "It's a two bedroom apartment."

"Mikey's still in the hospital, there's five of us," Johnny mused. "We can make it work. Do you have bunk beds?"

Paige laughed, picturing the five of them crammed into a two bedroom apartment. In under an hour, Johnny and Jakes would be at each other's throats. Even though the five of them shared a bathroom, there was a reason they all had their own rooms. Not to mention the bathroom they shared was huge. Out of everyone in the house, she took the longest showers and everyone would be gunning for her once she used all the hot water. She could only imagine how much Charlie would hound them about keeping a smaller kitchen clean.

"Don't even think about it. We are _not_ bunking together," Jakes said.

"Come on, we could build a blanket fort. It'll be like summer camp," Johnny teased. "I can braid your hair - "

"They're dreads," Briggs pointed out before Jakes could. "Besides, JT, you already have a bunkmate."

"If Johnny really wants to bunk with Jakes, I - "

"Nah, he snores," Johnny said, reassuringly squeezing her shoulder. "And you smell better."

Paige gave Johnny a grateful smile. Not only did she appreciate him letting her sleep in his bed, but he didn't make a big deal about it. But she was planning to start sleeping in her own bed before Mike came home. She didn't really want Mike to know or have to explain it to him or have him wonder if something was going on with her and Johnny. She didn't wake-up screaming anymore, but she was still having nightmares. Her appointment with a therapist was scheduled for tomorrow. She wanted to talk to her about the possibility of getting some kind of sleep aid. She wondered if that would somehow help with the nightmares. She wasn't looking forward to meeting with someone, not because she didn't need to talk to someone, but because she still had to pretend with the outside world that Mike was gone. She really wasn't sure she'd be able to hold it together if she had to relive that grief again. She should probably reschedule her appointment.

"I still think it's safer if we stay here," Briggs said.

"Briggs is right," Paige said. "I don't want to do anything out of the ordinary that would tip off Sid that we're onto him." Any sort of delay could jeopardize the case they were building against him. Even though Sid had been in this house, she still felt safer here than anywhere else. Since finding out the truth about Mike, everyone was still staying close to home. She had limited her outings to just the hospital to visit Mike, but it might do her some good to get of the house tomorrow. Stare at something that wasn't the walls of Mike's hospital room.

"If we're voting, I vote we stay," Jakes said.

"You just don't want all of us crammed into your apartment," Johnny said.

Jakes shrugged, "That's an added bonus. But going back to Sid, what's going on with Carlito? Papa Solano is gone and Carlito's running the show."

"It's still complicated," Johnny said. "Carlito's laying low for now."

"What about Carlito?" Charlie asked, walking into the house.

Paige looked at Charlie, concerned why she was home. She was supposed to be at the hospital for a few more hours before Briggs went to relieve her.

"Before you freak out, Mike is fine. Zelanski stopped by to visit and he's going to stay there until Briggs gets there."

"Good," Paige whispered, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Now tell me what's going on with Carlito?"

"I want to look at the money trail again," Paige said. "There has to be something that could link him to Sid. Where's Mike's file on Sid's financial statements?" Paige started searching through the files on the table.

"Mike went through that file at least a hundred times. If there was something there, he would've found it. The only way to handle Sid is to take him out, _for good_," Briggs said, turning to Charlie. "Chuck, you know I'm right. Sid already massacred his entire team and he framed Mike for it. He tried to kill Mike to cover his tracks. He's been in this house. Sid's too much of a wild card. He needs to be eliminated."

Charlie gave Briggs a disapproving look. "Mike wants Sid in jail."

"He wants Sid caught!"

"_Caught_, not dead," Jakes said.

"Do you really want to risk this?" Charlie asked. "A murder investigation that would lead back to you? Because once you do this, there's no going back. I'm not bailing you out again."

Everyone was watching Charlie and Briggs have a staredown and it was Johnny that voiced the question on everyone's minds. "Bailed Briggs out, how?"

Charlie shook her head and grabbed a file, "Never mind, it's just the hormones talking."

"I don't think it's hormones," Paige said. "I want to know what you're talking about."

"Just a disagreement about philosophies," Charlie said. "I'm going to look this over. Paul, I'll touch base with you later."

"Actually, Charlie, do you have a minute now?" Briggs asked.

Paige watched Charlie and Briggs head upstairs, "Do either of you know what that's about?"

"Briggs is just being Briggs, he's probably trying to convince her that it's a good idea to kill Sid," Johnny said.

Something wasn't right. Charlie and Briggs were hiding something and if it affected Mike, she had a right to know. "No, there's something else going on." If Briggs was hiding something, there was a good chance that Jakes knew what it was. He was the keeper of so many of their secrets and Briggs' were no exception. "Jakes?"

Her question was met with silence. Jakes purposefully ignored her gaze and started flipping through files. The same thing Charlie started doing when she pressed her for answers. They were hiding something.

Since finding out that Mike was alive, this was the first time Mike had been alone. Not that he was alone. There were two FBI agents stationed outside his door and Zelanski was with him, but something wasn't adding up. "When did Zelanski find out about Mike?"

"Briggs must've told him," Johnny said.

Paige frantically called Zelanski, "Pick up, pick up," Paige whispered. This wouldn't be the first time that Briggs used Mike as bait. If Briggs put Mike in danger to catch Sid, she was going to kill him.

"Hey," Zelanski answered.

"Where are you?"

"At the hospital."

"Which one?"

"You know which one, what's going on?"

"I need to talk to Mike." She just needed to make sure he was okay. Make sure that Briggs wasn't using him to draw out Sid. Make sure that Mike wasn't being transferred. This would be so much easier if Briggs would give her the number to Mike's burner phone. At first she thought that MIke didn't want her to have the number, now she was wondering if anyone but Briggs had the number. Or if Briggs was taking the phone away from Mike.

Zelanski hesitated a few seconds before answering. "He's resting right now. I'm out in the hall."

She was starting to wonder if Zelanski was even with Mike. Maybe Briggs moved him. But wouldn't Briggs be there if Mike was changing hospitals? Unless Zelanski was supervising. "Zelanski, please. Just - I need to talk to him," Paige pleaded, on the verge of tears.

"Mike kicked me out of his room. I don't think it's a good idea for me to go back in there, he's - he's pretty agitated. His nurse said - "

"I don't care what his nurse said! I need to talk to him! Either put him on the phone or hand the phone to whatever FBI Agent is standing next to you!"

"Okay, fine. I'm going in."

"Mike, hey - Paige is on the phone, she wants to speak with you."

A few seconds passed before Zelanski broke the silence, "Paige, he doesn't - "

"Put me on speaker." If Mike didn't want to talk to her, that was fine. She would hang up the second she heard his voice. And if she didn't hear his voice in the next five seconds, she was going to get some answers out of Briggs one way or another.

She heard the phone click and she took a deep breath, "Mike? Just - say something, say anything," Paige tearfully pleaded, struggling to keep her voice even. "If - if you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. Just tell me to hang up and I will."

"What's wrong?" Mike asked.

Paige breathed a sigh of relief. He was okay. For now, he was okay. But she needed to know what else was going on. She wasn't sure he could tell her if something was going on, not to mention she wasn't sure he would. But she was still going to ask. When she left, they were on semi-civil terms. She wasn't sure what had happened afterwards to set him off. "We didn't finish our conversation from earlier."

"You want to talk about that now? Zelanski, give me the phone." A few seconds passed and Mike continued, "That can wait."

Paige was well aware that both Johnny and Jakes were watching her and she wasn't sure how much she could say in front of them right now. Zelanski was probably still in Mike's room and could be reporting back to Briggs. She _hated_ this. She hated not knowing who she could trust and who she couldn't. Not because she couldn't trust them, but because she couldn't trust who they trusted. Graceland wasn't supposed to be like this. Graceland was supposed to be sacred, not a web of lies and misplaced loyalties. "Disneyland can't."

"_Do want to ditch this case and go to Disneyland, cause we could get to all the front of the rides with this bad boy," Paige said, referring to her fake pregnancy belly. Motherhood wasn't something she really thought about. At least nowhere in the near future, but the few times she had worn this she had definitely noticed some perks to people thinking she was pregnant. Most people ushered her to the front of lines and that would be a great way to not have to stand in line all day in Disneyland. She wished she and Mike weren't investigating Briggs right now, because if they weren't, they could ditch the case and do something fun for a change._

"_I'm tempted, but we're here."_

Johnny and Jakes exchanged a curious glance. "Disneyland?" Johnny mouthed.

Waving him off, she got up from the table and wandered over to the window. "Mike? Are you still there?" She hoped he remembered that conversation. Remembered that they were investigating Briggs when she joked about going to Disneyland. She couldn't ask him outright. Couldn't risk the chance that Briggs put a bug in Mike's hospital room.

"You're not - are you - "

"Am I - NO!" Paige exclaimed, hearing the question in Mike's voice. She definitely wasn't pregnant. Being pregnant at a time like this would've been a disaster. She wasn't even sure she could deal with what was going on right now. She was positive that dealing with a baby on top of all this would've been a disaster. She'd probably be in the hospital psych ward if she was pregnant. "Definitely not."

"_You're gonna get me pregnant," Paige announced. Mike's eyes widened and she thought he was going to have a heart attack._

"Good. But Disneyland?"

"Yes, Disneyland," Paige softly said. With as complicated as things got last summer, things were so much simpler then. "You remember why we couldn't go?"

"Yeah, but..." MIke's voice trailed off for a few seconds before continuing. "I'm tempted, but I'm here."

He remembered. "No line skipping?"

"No."

Briggs was involved with something she didn't know about and Mike didn't trust him.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Someone asked about Disneyland...and just in case anyone else is confused, here's an explanation. Paige needed a way to ask Mike if he trusted Briggs, without asking him directly because she's paranoid that something is up with Briggs. She's not entirely sure of Briggs' motives and feels like he's hiding something, but doesn't know what. Obviously, Briggs faking Mike's death didn't do much in terms of building trust...so that led Paige to ask Mike about Disneyland. When they were investigating Briggs and Paige had the fake pregnancy belly, she joked about going to Disneyland...Mike jokingly turned her down because they arrived at their location. **

**Someone else asked if Briggs is on Mike's side...and since this story is from Paige's POV, that remains to be seen. At the very least, he wants Sid handled.**

**Hope this clears things up. If you have questions, just ask :)**

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Paige waited until Briggs left for the hospital before approaching Charlie. She wasn't entirely comfortable with Briggs having a shift _guarding_ Mike, but she couldn't do anything about it and if Mike was okay with it, she'd have to trust that Mike knew what he was doing. Paige softly knocked on Charlie's bedroom door. "Charlie?"

"Everything okay?" Charlie asked, opening the door and ushering her into her room.

She had this whole speech rehearsed in her head to get Charlie to let her guard down so she could manipulate her into slipping up about what Briggs was hiding. But she couldn't do it. She was so sick of the lies and didn't want to add to them. As much as Charlie cared about Mike, she wasn't entirely sure that Charlie would side with Mike over the father of her child.

"Yes. No." Paige sighed heavily before unexpectedly bursting into tears. "I don't know."

Charlie wrapped her arms around her, tightly hugging her. "It's okay, baby."

"Sorry, it's just - so much is going on." Crying definitely hadn't been on her agenda for tonight, but she was just so overwhelmed with everything. Guilt over what she did. Everything with Mike. Not trusting Briggs. Sid being out there. And despite everything, Charlie was her friend and she really was the only person she could talk to about this. Not that Jakes or Johnny, or even Briggs wouldn't listen, but it was different with Charlie. Maybe because they were the only females in the house. Or because Charlie took care of all of them. Or maybe on some level, she was looking for some hope in what felt like a sea of hopelessness. Charlie was convinced she and Mike were star-crossed lovers, but didn't Charlie realize that star-crossed was basically another word for doomed?

Charlie walked over to the bed and motioned for Paige to sit down next to her, "Don't apologize. You're dealing with a lot."

"Mike and I talked today. Well, we fought first. It seems that all we do is fight. But it was good. We cleared the air about a lot of things, talked about things we needed to get out in the open. How do you and Briggs keep it together?" Charlie and Briggs had more than their fair share of ups and downs, but when things were bad they rallied and found a way to make it work. That was the complete opposite of what she and Mike did, which was allow outside forces to strain their relationship, letting their pride get in the way and allowing their differences to pull them apart and pit them against each other, instead of forcing them to present an united front, which was what Charlie and Briggs did. Maybe she and Mike weren't meant to be anything more than friends. But how could they _just be friends_?

It was hard to keep their personal feelings away from their jobs and even harder to keep work from interfering with their relationship. Maybe things would be different if she moved out. Maybe they needed space from each other. Space to learn how to trust each other. Time to become friends again.

"It helps that I'm pregnant. For all his faults, and trust me, Paul has many - but when I need him, he's always there for me. Things with Amber were bad and he saved me. All those things I had doubts about, suddenly didn't matter anymore. When I fell for Paul, I knew he was a flawed man."

That was the difference. Mike wasn't a flawed man. He had flaws. He made mistakes. But as similar as Mike was to Briggs, he wasn't Briggs. By no means was Mike perfect, neither was she. It was unfair to hold Mike to an impossible standard and when he failed, she froze him out and made it so he couldn't talk to her.

"_Your word is shit."_

Both of them were to blame for so many things, and while Mike was ultimately responsible for his own actions, she recognized her part in them.

"I don't know if we can ever fix things," Paige confessed. Although they cleared the air, the animosity still lingered between them. She was so desperate to find a way to make things right with Mike that she was afraid to say or do the wrong thing. She didn't want to destroy their truce before it even started. But things were different now that he let her know that something was going on with Briggs. That meant he trusted her, didn't it? Maybe just a little.

It was a start. Rebuilding trust with Mike wasn't going to happen overnight. It was going to take time and it was going to be hard. They had a lot of stuff to work through. _If_ he wanted to make things work. _If_ he chose to stay and not move back to DC as soon as he could.

Things would never be the same between them. They couldn't pick things up where they left off. There was too much history and hurt between them to start over, but they had to find a way to move forward. If she could help Mike clear his name, it could be the start of him trusting her again. Even if it was just in a professional capacity, it was a start.

"You said you two talked today," Charlie gently said.

"We were fighting," Paige bitterly laughed. If her relationship with Mike could be summed up in one word, it was fighting. They playfully bickered when they were getting along. When they were angry they let didn't hold back and either they made up or kept arguing. But things had been so strained between them after he got her out of Sulla's, that they never made up. Instead they kept fighting and finding new ways to hurt each other, until there was nothing left. "But he finally told me the truth about what happened with Lina."

Lina. The one tinker bell she desperately wanted to save and the only one she couldn't. Sulla may have been the one that stabbed her, but she and Mike were also responsible for her death. She put Lina on that bus. Put a target on her back. And Mike kept her in there.

She hated that Mike forged the letter to Lina's family. Hated that he felt he needed to. But she understood why he did it. He hadn't been trying to trick her. He was trying to comfort them. In his mind, it was better that they lost contact with their daughter, but believed that she was out there somewhere. Happy. Alive. A lie was better than breaking their hearts with the horrors Lina endured before dying.

Charlie rested her hand on her shoulder, "It's good to get things out in the open. You can't forgive Mike for something you don't know about."

"He touched my face," Paige said, blinking back tears. "I know it doesn't sound like much. But I was upset and he touched my face and he said he cared." All the hurtful things they said and did to each other still happened. Maybe he still hated her, but he cared. At least cared enough to comfort her. Cared enough to not want her to hurt.

"Of course, Mike cares about you," Charlie said, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. "That didn't all disappear because of this. He can't shut off his feelings, especially not how he felt about you. From the moment he saw you - "

"That was a crush," Paige insisted. Just an attraction. Despite what everyone thought, nothing happened between her and Mike last summer. They were friends. Friends on the edge of maybe becoming something, but they never really crossed that line. Just one kiss when they were investigating Briggs.

But that moment he saw her, she remembered seeing _Levi_ walk in with Charlie. Wondering who he was and what his story was. Being attracted to him, but not wanting to pursue anything because of Graceland. Not wanting to let a personal relationship interfere with her job. Not wanting to get involved because it would cloud her judgment and split her focus. Clearly, that had been the right idea because from the moment she and Mike slept together, things got complicated. Everything snowballed with the case so quickly, they barely had time to start figuring out what they meant to each other before falling apart.

There hadn't been time for them to just _be_. To have fun and enjoy that beginning stage of a relationship. Sure, they both enjoyed sneaking around and even though no one said anything, everyone _knew_ that they had been sleeping together, no matter how stealthy they thought they were being. They had almost been caught more times than she could count.

"_You're so bad," Paige whispered as Mike pushed her up against one of the pillars downstairs. Anyone could walk in at any moment._

"_No one's home," Mike insisted as he slid his hand up her skirt._

"_But we're downstairs and..." her voice trailed off as she leaned against the pillar for more support. Paige bit her lip, moaning softly as his fingers pushed aside her bikini bottoms. How was she supposed to find the willpower to tell him they should go upstairs when he was touching her like that? "Mike..."_

"_Then we better be quick." _

_She met his gaze and nodded. Just being with him was enough to turn her on, but the idea of getting caught was exhilarating. She fumbled with his zipper as Mike kissed her neck. _

"_I want you," Mike whispered as he unbuttoned her shirt. Pushing if off her shoulders, it fell to the floor. Mike started untying the strings of her bikini top. "How the hell do I get this off?"_

_Paige laughed, ignoring Mike's frustration with the many strings of her bikini top. She pulled him closer for a kiss. "I hate your schedule."_

"_I - "_

_They both froze when they heard the front door slam. Paige pushed Mike away from her as they both frantically started straightening their clothing. Mike ducked into the kitchen and she made a beeline for the living room._

_Johnny looked at her curiously when she sat down on the couch and grabbed a magazine. "You okay, P?"_

"_Perfectly fine," Paige said, holding up a magazine, quickly turning it so it wasn't upside down anymore. "Just catching up on my celebrity gossip before I head out to the beach. I see why Charlie's hooked."_

"_You look a little flushed. Were you..." Johnny's voice trailed off and he grinned widely when Mike stepped out of the kitchen. "Your jeans are unzipped, Mikey."_

_Paige kept her eyes on the magazine in front of her as Mike said, "You know, I think the zipper's broken." Mike zipped and unzipped his jeans a few times. "I think I need new jeans."_

_Paige tossed the magazine on the coffee table, "You can go shopping later. Those reports you wanted to look at are up in my room."_

"_I have to check in with Jakes first, but I'll be up in a bit."_

"_I thought you were headed to the beach, Paige." Johnny shook his head, laughing to himself as he headed into the kitchen. He knelt down and picked up her discarded shirt, "Lose something?"_

Surprisingly, no one said anything to them about it. But everyone knew. Sure, she and Mike had been close. But everyone _knew_. That was evident when they all thought Mike was dead. But something had been off about Briggs. She hadn't put much thought into it until now, because she had been too caught up in her own grief. But now that she knew Mike was suspicious of Briggs, she was rethinking every interaction she had with Briggs since that night.

"Maybe _that_ was a crush, but now, can you honestly tell me that what's going on with you and Mike is a crush? You two aren't some summer fling that ran it's course."

"No love in Graceland," Paige reminded her.

Charlie laughed, resting her hand on her stomach, "I think Peanut disagrees."

"I don't know what Mike meant. It's probably just residual feelings or because we're roommates or coworkers or something." Paige closed her eyes for a few seconds, angry that she was still having trouble keeping her emotions in check. Damn Mike Warren for making her an emotional mess. For breaking down the walls she used to protect herself from getting hurt. Just when she was starting to make peace with the fact that she meant nothing to Mike, he had to go and tell her that he cared. And while part of her was thrilled at what it might mean, she was afraid to hope that it could mean something.

Usually she was the one that was hot and cold, not Mike. The tables were definitely turned this time around. Her feelings were an open book but she was left guessing what his feelings were.

"You and I both know that you and Mike aren't over. You'll find a way to work through this."

"And if we don't?" Paige tearfully asked.

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**check my bio page for updates**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Didn't mean to update this late in the day, but my Sunday kinda ran away from me. For everyone finishing up their semester...good luck with finals, I know it's that time of year.**

**After this chapter, five more left. Let me know what you think :)**

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Today was the first day Paige felt like herself in a long time. She finally felt like a badass DEA Agent again, one that wasn't ruled by her emotions and not someone that spent her nights crying over the guy that broke her heart. Although, in her defense she thought Mike _died_. Then she thought she killed him. She was still overly emotional, but she wasn't a basket case anymore. Last night was the first night she managed to get some sleep without waking up or having nightmares of Mike dying in her arms. Aside from the obvious reason that she actually got real sleep, before waking up to sit at Mike's bedside in the middle of the night, it was a good indication that she would be able to sleep in her own room once Mike got discharged from the hospital.

Once Mike got home, she had to decide what she was going to do and if his decision was going to factor into hers.

She was still undecided about leaving Graceland. She wasn't sure _when_ she'd be able to go back in the field. _If_ she'd be able to go back in the field. At a time like this, she really wished she hadn't lost touch with Lauren and Donnie. But she never repaired her relationship with Lauren after reporting her to the DEA. Calling Lauren out of the blue to ask her if it was hard to transition out of Graceland probably wouldn't be the best idea. But she needed to put all her uncertainty about her career aside and focus on making sure Sid paid for what he did to Mike.

Not only did she get real sleep last night, but today marked the first day she didn't fight with Mike since she went under as a tinkerbell. Mike came clean about having a tape of Briggs accidentally killing Badillo and that he originally planned to arrest Briggs after _busting_ him at the Solano compound, but that obviously didn't happen.

"_Does Briggs know you have the tape?" Paige asked, sitting down on the edge of his hospital bed. Briggs knowing that Mike had the tape could explain Briggs' behavior, why he was so adamant about killing Sid. Maybe she didn't need to be so suspicious of him, maybe he wasn't out to get Mike. Because if Briggs got all of them involved with a murder, they'd be more likely to keep quiet about him killing Badillo._

"_I don't know. He hasn't said anything. He thinks Charlie has it. Unless she told him - "_

"_They don't lie to each other."_

_Mike bitterly laughed, "Maybe she doesn't lie to him, but he kept this from her. Not just the stuff about Badillo. But Odin Rossi, he kept that from her for years."_

_Paige sighed, realizing that Mike was right. But she couldn't deal with that now. "Do you know where the tape is?"_

"_The warehouse I was in when you - when - " Mike shook his head and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "I hid it in there. As far as I know it's still there."_

Mike was lucky he didn't have it with him when he was at the hospital. Since Briggs faked his death, he had access to all of his personal effects. There was no telling what Briggs might have done if he had found the tape. Paige shook her head, not wanting to focus on Briggs right now. Mike's main goal was clearing his name and putting Sid behind bars, so that was her main goal. He couldn't deal with both Briggs and Sid at the same time. Since Briggs killing Badillo was accidental, what happened to Briggs was Charlie's call and it seemed like Charlie was willing to put it behind her.

Paige shoved the bag from the card store into her tote bag and fumbled for her wallet as she approached the coffee shop.

"Karen?"

Paige froze when she heard Sid's voice.

"Agent Bradford?"

Forcing a smile onto her face, she turned to greet him. "Hi."

Sid held up a newspaper and gestured to an article, "I was just reading about your colleague. I'm sorry to hear he didn't make it. I didn't even make it to the hospital to arrest him. I got held up making sure all the paperwork was in order, and by the time it was, I was too late."

Paige adjusted her bag on her shoulder, wishing she had her gun with her. But she had left it in the car. She seriously didn't think she needed it to go buy a picture frame and grab a latte. It was probably a good thing she didn't have her gun with her, because she would probably shoot Sid at point blank range and deal with the consequences later. But a quick death would be too good for Sid. He deserved to suffer, like Mike suffered.

Mike.

The last thing he wanted was for any of them to kill Sid. Even now, even with what Sid did to him and how he used the system _against_ him, Mike _believed_ in the system. That was the whole reason why she turned Mike over to Sid, because he believed in the system. But instead of arresting Mike, Sid tried to kill him. Believed he killed him and he had the nerve to offer her condolences.

She couldn't stop herself from reaching out for the newspaper to get a closer look at the article he mentioned, despite purposefully avoiding the newspapers for this very reason. She knew it was about the massacre at the Solano compound. A massacre that Sid orchestrated and Mike was taking the fall for. She knew Briggs arranged for the article to appear in the paper, it wasn't the first. But to see it in print was jarring.

Mike was alive. She had to keep reminding herself that Mike was alive.

Paige blinked back tears as she traced her fingers over the picture of Mike's face. This was his official FBI picture, less than a few years old, but he looked so young and green, like the rookie she barely remembered. Was his first summer at Graceland really last year? A rush of memories flashed through her mind. The first time she saw him. Their many walks along the beach. Him playing his _I got stabbed_ card to get out of putting a tracking device on Briggs' truck. Hearing him say marijuana farmer. Playing beach football with Johnny. Joking about his not so walk of shame as the get laid parade and teaching him a few tricks on how to act if he was under as a heroin junkie. Sharing his secret spoon hiding spot. Their first kiss.

"Karen, are you okay? Can I get you something?"

Paige shook her head, "No, I'm fine," Paige quickly said, snapping back into the present and focusing on the fact that Sid was watching her every move instead of getting lost in the past. He called her Karen, the alias she gave him when she met him. He was trying to see what she knew. If she knew anything about him _killing _Mike.

The only thing that prevented her from screaming or flipping out right now was that Sid was analyzing her every move. Waiting for her to slip up. Looking for any indication that she knew what he did. As far as she knew, Sid didn't suspect Mike wasn't dead. His only concern was figuring out if he was a suspect in Mike's death.

"It's tragic," Paige whispered, handing him back the newspaper. "He - he was a good guy, but he lost his way."

"You two were close?"

Her blood pressure rose with every word that spilled out of Sid's mouth. He had zero right to know anything about her relationship with Mike. He didn't even deserve to say his name. "We worked together a few times. He..." her voice trailed off, unsure if she could do this. She had been with the DEA for years and encountered more horrible men than she could count. Men that were pure evil. Men like Sulla and Carlito that profited off girls. A few months ago, she never would've imagined that there would be men worse than Sulla. But men like Sid were even worse. He swore to protect the law and protect those that couldn't protect themselves, but instead he protected the monsters so he could fill his safety deposit boxes with money _earned_ by selling girls.

Everything about him was a lie. From his phony smile to his fake condolences.

He disgusted her. She wanted to claw his eyes out or wrap her hands around his throat and squeeze the life out of him. Deprive him of the oxygen he deprived Mike of until he flatlined. Watch him suffer. Beg for his life. See the life slip out of his eyes.

Did Mike suffer? How long was it before his lungs gave out? How aware was he of what was going on that day? She hadn't asked Mike what happened that day. She wasn't sure if he wanted to talk about it or forget. Or maybe she was the one that desperately wanted to forget everything about that day. Forgiving Mike. Finding out he lied. Giving him up. Learning he died. Without out a doubt, that was the worst day of her life and as much as she wanted to bury it down, she was positive it would haunt her for the foreseeable future.

Her thoughts were racing and now definitely wasn't the right time to have a panic attack. It was okay if Sid saw that she was upset. He _knew_ that Mike was more than her colleague. But Sid wasn't sure if _she _knew that. He was fishing for information. Baiting her to see how she would react. If she would react. She just saw Mike less than an hour ago. She knew he was okay. Knew he was safe. As much as she wanted to check in with him right this second she couldn't.

How in the world did Sid encounter her _here? _At her favorite coffee shop. With a newspaper article that ran _four_ days ago. Was he waiting for her? Did he follow her here? She just left the hospital. Her blood ran cold as she realized that Mike's location could be compromised.

She needed to check in with Mike. Then Johnny. Then with Briggs to see if his friends that he had watching Graceland had seen anyone suspicious. Maybe they should put more guards on Mike at the hospital. Would it be too risky for Mike to change hospitals and identities? Was he stable enough to moved to a safe house?

"He - yes, we used to be close," Paige quietly said, trying to focus on Sid, not the paper Sid was holding. Before she could check in with anyone, she needed to get rid of Sid without arousing any suspicion. If that meant she had to stand here with a smile on her face and accept condolences from the man that thought he killed him, she would. As much as she hated Sid seeing how upset she was, it helped keep her cover. "I - " Her phone was buzzing and she wasn't sure if she should answer it. On the off chance that Mike was calling her, she didn't want to risk alerting Sid that he was alive. Then again, it wasn't like she actually had Mike's burner number stored in her phone. He still hadn't given it to her. And she was afraid to upset the tentative truce they had right now by swiping it from someone's phone. Her phone buzzed again and she was grateful for the distraction, she was this close to losing it. She needed a few seconds to gather herself. She offered Sid an apologetic smile, "I'm sorry, I have to take this. My cousin is pregnant and she's almost due, this could be _the_ call," she enthusiastically said, hoping her phony smile reached her eyes.

Not wanting Sid to get a glimpse at her phone, she pulled it out of her pocket and didn't glance at the screen.

"I've taken enough of your time, I have to get going. Have a nice day. Hope it's good news." Sid flashed a smile at her and walked away, as she waved at him.

"Hello?" Paige answered with a shaky breath, relieved to watch Sid walk away.

"You left the hospital two hours ago."

For once, she was grateful that Briggs was monitoring her movements. All of them were on high alert because of Sid, but she was pretty sure she was the only roommate anyone checked in on if she was gone longer than she _should_ be. Mindful that Sid found Graceland by placing a tracking device in Mike's suit, she was trying to figure out how close Sid got to her. He already knew where the house was, but if he was trying to figure out what she knew, he could've planted a bug.

She didn't want to tip off Sid that she was onto him, so she didn't have to pretend to be Karen, but she had to be careful about what she said in case he managed to plant something on her. When she was looking at Mike's picture he could've slipped something on her or in her bag.

"_Stop looking at me," Paige said, catching the lovesick look in Mike's eyes. The problem with sleeping with your roommate was that there was no mystery. He saw her when she didn't look her best, exhausted and filthy after working a long night or hungover looking disheveled. There were no secrets to her beauty regimen, he had seen her with yogurt on her face, rollers in her hair and aluminum foil on her fingertips. She was surprised she hadn't scared him off by now for resembling a space alien from time to time._

"_You're beautiful," Mike murmured, brushing her hair out of her face._

"_No one is beautiful in the morning," Paige insisted, burying her face in his chest. Her hair was a mess, her makeup was smudged and she barely got any sleep last night, so she was sure her eyes were puffy, if not bloodshot. Maybe both._

"_You are."_

_She kissed her way up his chest and decided to turn the tables on him. "What about you? You're prettier than I am. So pretty it hurts," she teased. Mike rolled his eyes and she brushed her lips over his. "Even with bedhead, your hair is still perfect." She ruffled his hair, laughing as he tried moving out of her reach._

"_Shut up," Mike said, wrapping his arms around her and rolling them over so she was beneath him._

"_Make me."_

"Paige?"

Briggs voice broke her out of her reverie. "Yeah, I'm here. I'm just getting coffee. I'll see you soon." She could update Briggs when she got home. It didn't matter if she led Sid back to Graceland, since he already knew where it was. She would have to wait to check in with Mike until she got home and was certain it was safe. "Briggs, you still there?"

"Are you sure you're okay? I can come get you if - "

"I'm fine. Have you heard from Levi? We were supposed to meet earlier and discuss some surveillance footage, but he never showed up."

"Levi? You never call Mike, Levi. Wasn't he at the hospital? Where are you?" Briggs asked, his voice filled with worry. "Are you alone? What's going on?"

"I went and I'm getting coffee now. Just text me an update. I'll be home soon." She didn't want Briggs freaking out about Mike, but she needed him to check in with Mike then check in with her.

"Are you okay? Give me something or I'm going to track your phone and come get you myself."

"I'll see you in twenty," Paige said, not wanting to mention Sid over the phone. Briggs would freak out and she was afraid she'd have a panic attack if she had to say his name right now. She would update him as soon as got home.

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**check my bio page for updates**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Another late night...story of my life...thanks for reading. Let me know what you think :)**

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Paige opened her eyes slowly, rapidly blinking as her eyes adjusted to the light now that her blindfold was removed. She tested the ropes on her wrists, wishing Sid had used handcuffs to restrain her, because she would have a better chance of slipping out of those or picking the lock. Ropes were tricky, but not impossible, it just meant she had to work at it more. If anyone else had grabbed her, she probably wouldn't even be restrained. So many of the men she dealt with underestimated her. One look at her blonde hair and body and they assumed she wasn't a threat. They didn't realize she was a better shot than them or could just as easily kick their ass. But Sid knew exactly who and what she was.

That was why he grabbed her.

He hadn't dared to grab her outside of Graceland. With a house full of federal agents whose schedules were unpredictable at best, it would've been impossible for him to figure out a pattern in their comings and goings.

It was second nature for all of them to check for tails and do heat runs, but the one thing they couldn't risk was giving up Mike's location. Which meant they had to be extra careful if one of them was going to visit Mike. It usually meant that two cars had to leave at the same time, unless they had eyes on Sid in another location. One benefit to him massacring his team that there was no one for him to trust. Sid was all alone in his vendetta against Mike. Sid's only ally was Carlito Solano, but Carlito had been in hiding since the day he had his father killed. Even Carlito wasn't arrogant enough to want to get involved with taking out a house full of federal agents so soon after killing his father and taking control of the Solano cartel. Another benefit to Sid massacring his team, was that he needed a new team. Briggs took a leave of absence from the LAPD, citing personal reasons. Sid most likely thought that _West_ was grieving for his friend or shaken up that he could've died on the Solano compound. But what Briggs was really doing was lulling Sid into a false sense of security, while he planted a two federal agents to be a part of Sid's team to help monitor him.

Out of habit, Paige tested the ropes binding her wrists and detected that she could shift her wrists slightly. Slightly was better than nothing. It gave her something to work with. She slowly looked around the room, looking for anything she could potentially use as a weapon. She needed to know where the windows and doors were. She closed her eyes, trying to visualize all the points of entry so if she got a chance to move, she wouldn't waste time later looking for an exit.

"You're wasting your time," Sid said as he circled around her until he was standing over her.

He was trying to intimidate her. But she wasn't afraid of him. She had dealt with men far more dangerous than him. Not that Sid wasn't planning to kill her. But he wouldn't torture her. He might hit her around. But he wouldn't rape her. Wouldn't shoot her just for fun. He was too practical. Didn't want to get his hands dirty. It didn't bother him to murder someone. But it was all about practicalities for him. Even if he delivered the fatal shot to Lawrence, she was positive he wasn't the one that chopped him up. Whatever misgivings he had initially about working with Carlito were long gone. Sid had no problems profiting off human trafficking for the right price, but she still had her doubts about him getting his hands dirty.

Holding her head high, Paige met his gaze, refusing to let him think she was afraid of him. Although, as much as she wanted to laugh in his face, it would probably be a bad idea to taunt a man that kidnapped her outside of a coffee shop and planned to kill her. But, she wasn't faking it. Maybe it was the adrenaline, but she felt eerily calm and wasn't afraid at all. "I've got nothing but time," Paige said, keeping her voice even.

Sid yanked her hair, "It's too bad I'm married and committed to my wife, because we could've had some fun together."

Maybe she was wrong about him. Maybe he was even more evil than she originally thought. Swallowing the bile rising in her throat, she forced herself to keep eye contact with him. Just the idea of him touching her, anywhere, made her skin crawl, but she was too proud to let him see her afraid. Didn't want to give him any sort of power over her. "Thought you weren't involved in the sex trade part of the Solanos' business?" She needed to keep him talking.

"Aren't you a chatty broad? Is that what happened with you and Warren? He get sick of your mouth running? Because I got sick of his. I should thank you. Because whatever he did to piss you off made you give him up to me."

"_I sent you to Sylmar to wipe out that trash, but I didn't let you finish."_

"Don't talk about Mike," Paige whispered. She convinced herself she could do this. She was trained for this. She could placate men like Sid with her arms tied behind her back, literally. But Mike was her achilles heel. _This_ was for Mike, but she couldn't handle Sid talking about him. It distracted her. Clouded her judgment. Made her think with her heart, not her head. Reminded her of how she betrayed him. Flooded her with guilt.

"Miss your boyfriend? You should've seen his face when I told him it was you. If I had known how important you were to him, I would've killed you in front of him, just so he would suffer more."

"Suffer more?" Paige asked before she could stop herself. Briggs had told her everything that happened at the hospital that night, but his details felt like a case report. Too afraid to ask Mike what happened, she found herself face to face with the man that tried to kill him, asking him for answers. Sid had nothing to gain by lying to her, but she wasn't fully sure she could trust him to tell the truth. Because making her suffer by reliving Mike's pain fed into his ego.

"I'm still not sure why Warren chose me. Out of all the men responsible, he chose to focus his investigation on me. He was cocky. Reckless. Scared. He said he wasn't, but he was. Especially when I wrapped my hand around his ventilator tube and squeezed." A ghost of a smile filled Sid's face, clearly enjoying the memory.

Paige blinked back tears, no longer caring about her earlier vow to not let Sid get under her skin. To not let him see how much he was upsetting her. But, she was stronger than this. Stronger than Sid. Mike was alive. Sid didn't win.

Paige shifted slightly as Sid walked around the room, ranting about Mike and how he had to pay. How he enjoyed making him pay. She winced slightly as her wrists dug into the back of the chair, but she kept moving her wrists back and forth, determined to weaken the ropes so she could free herself, trying to focus on _that_ instead of Sid's words. She stilled as Sid turned around and walked towards her.

"He almost had me. But almost isn't good enough. Warren wasn't good enough."

"You're the one not good enough. You're trash. You're a cop. You're supposed to serve and protect. _Protect._ But instead you're a coward. Just kill me and get it over with! Unless you're too much of a coward to shoot me. I'm not enough of a challenge for you? I'm not in a hospital bed on a respirator." Paige knew she was treading on dangerous ground. But she couldn't resist baiting him. Her eyes flashed with anger, daring him to make a move.

Sid pulled her to her feet, shoving her against the wall. She spit in his face and he slapped her. Hard. Her cheek stung, but her pride wouldn't allow her to show weakness, swallowing the pain, she bit the inside of her cheek instead of screaming.

Sid pressed her against the wall and she took advantage of their position to knee him in the groin. She managed to slip one of her hands out of the rope and she sprinted towards the door, not even wasting a second to look back and see how closely Sid was trailing behind her.

Paige made it halfway to the door before Sid grabbed her wrist, and roughly threw her across the room. Her head hit the wall and she closed her eyes for a few seconds, visualizing the room in her mind. Succumbing to the pain wasn't an option for her. One window was five feet to the left of her and the other was on the far wall. The door was ten feet away. If she could grab the chair, she could hit him with it before breaking the window.

Her head was throbbing and she could feel blood dripping down her face, but she couldn't focus on that. Couldn't focus on the pain. She couldn't wait any longer. She needed to get out of here before Sid made good on his threat to kill her.

Paige wasn't sure how much time she had before Sid decided he'd had enough fun toying with her.

"_Let him take me," Paige insisted. If they wanted to catch Sid, they needed to catch him off guard. Make him think he was one step ahead of them. Make him walk into their trap. And she was perfect bait._

"_Not happening," Jakes said. "Briggs is - "_

"_I don't care what Briggs is working on." She had a lot of doubts about Briggs, but him clearing Mike's name wasn't one of them. It was his methods that she was concerned about. Not to mention his agendas. "Either help me or I'm going to do it alone." _

"_If anything happens to you, Mike - "_

"_Nothing's going to happen. I know he's watching me, Jakes. Sid's watching all of us. But I'm the only one he approached. He looked me in the eye and offered me condolences about Mike. Do you know how hard it was for me not to lose it?"_

"_Sid told Mike he was going to put down his friends, one by one. He's going to start with you."_

"_Let him. Let him get me alone. I guarantee you he'll grab me. I'll get him to confess and then you can arrest him and it'll be over."_

"_You sound like Mike."_

"_He was right, wasn't he?"_

"You're more trouble than you're worth," Sid said, pulling out his gun.

"Let her go," Briggs ordered, walking into the room with Jakes right behind him. She didn't see Johnny or Zelanski, but she knew they were nearby.

Despite the fact that Sid ignored Briggs' order and pressed his gun to her temple, she felt safe. She bit back a groan when Sid roughly grabbed her arm, causing her head to hit the wall again before he pulled her in front of him, using her as a human shield.

Her eyes fluttered closed for a few seconds, but she used the adrenaline to stay in the present. "Shoot him!" Paige screamed as she struggled against him.

"Hold still or I'll shoot," Sid said, his fingers digging into her arm as he pulled her closer to him. "Drop your weapons or I'll kill her. Get blood all over that pretty blonde head of hers."

Paige stilled against him, not because he asked her, but because the room started spinning. She was dizzy and having trouble keeping her balance. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and focused on Briggs' face.

"You don't want to do this," Briggs said.

"Trust me, I want to do this. I don't have any regrets about what I did. My only regret is that I didn't shoot Warren myself. But mine was the last face he saw before he died."

Dazed, Paige turned her head slightly so she could see Sid's face when she dropped her bombshell. "Mike's alive. You're gonna rot in a jail cell and Mike's alive."

Stunned, Sid's hand faltered and Paige collapsed in his arms, falling to the ground as a shot rang out.

When she hit the ground, she turned to face Sid. He was sprawled out behind her, shot in the shoulder. His hand clutching his wound as he made a move for his gun. Paige pushed his gun away from him as she stood and ran into Briggs' arms, leaving Jakes to deal with Sid. She could barely think straight, but as much as she wanted Sid dead, there was a greater chance of that happening if Briggs could get a chance at another shot.

"I've got you," Briggs said, pushing aside her hair to look at her head wound. "Hey, Paige, kiddo - look at me."

"We got him?" Paige asked, trying to steady herself.

"Yeah, we got him," Briggs said.

Paige nodded slowly, "Good," she quietly said, before everything faded to black.

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	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Just three chapters left after this...no pike this chapter, but any guesses on how Mike reacts when he does see Paige?**

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"You need to get that looked at," Jakes said, kneeling next to Paige so he could get a closer look at the cut on her head. He stood up and expectantly held out his hand.

Momentarily ignoring his outstretched hand, Paige touched her head, staring at the blood on her fingertips. Dried blood. Not fresh. "I'm fine. It's not even bleeding anymore." She winced slightly as Jakes helped her to her feet. Feeling a little woozy, she leaned against him for support. "Don't even need stitches." But he was right, she probably should get looked at.

Paige couldn't believe that this was over. The past few weeks had been one long nightmare, but Mike was alive and Sid was in custody. She was starting to think there might even be some hope for her and Mike. He trusted her enough to tell her about the tape. Not that he really had anyone else to tell, but it was a start. She had put off her decision about leaving Graceland and now that Sid wasn't out there anymore, she needed to figure out if she was still planning to leave. Even if Mike was still planning to go back to DC, like he told her the first time she saw him in the hospital, she wasn't sure she would stay. Her decision to leave Graceland had everything and nothing to do with Mike. Sure, it would be hard to live one room over from a man that hated her. The last thing she wanted was for them to go back to just being roommates, but they weren't even friends right now. They were barely civil to each other. But none of that mattered if she couldn't work in the field. Paige groaned, her head was still throbbing.

"You look like hell," Johnny said, stepping closer to take a better look. He gently pushed aside her hair, "No stitches, but you passed out for a few minutes."

"I just hit my head, I'll be fine. One of you should go with Briggs." The room was swarming with FBI Agents and any one of them could accompany Sid to the hospital, but she knew Briggs wanted to do it personally. He wouldn't jeopardize Mike's freedom, at least she hoped he wouldn't, but she was still a little wary about his motives. She wouldn't put it past Briggs to stage an escape for Sid that was actually an execution.

"You need to go give a statement," Jakes said. "Not visit Mike."

Paige narrowed her eyes and touched her head, trying to look like she was in more pain than she was, but she stopped when Jakes rolled his eyes at her, clearly catching onto her plan, "Didn't you just tell me I need to go to the hospital? I should go to the ER. There was only one ambulance, right? Mike's at a hospital." She turned to Johnny, silently pleading with him. She had a better chance at convincing Johnny to cave than Jakes. Not that Jakes wouldn't cave, but it would take longer to convince Jakes to drive her an extra hour so she could go to a hospital further away. "Plus, I shouldn't go to the same hospital Sid does." Although, she did like the idea of seeing Sid in pain, even if his injuries were far less severe than the ones he caused. "I'll sleep in my room tonight."

Johnny shook his head, laughing softly, "Okay, you got me."

"You guys got his confession on tape, right?"

Johnny reassuringly squeezed her hand, "We did, he's gonna pay for what he did to Mikey. To you," he softly added. "To everyone."

"We have the full cooperation of the LAPD," Jakes added.

"Nothing like a dirty cop to make the LAPD not care about jurisdiction," Johnny muttered.

"As much as I would love to stand here and debate about jurisdiction, can you drive me to the hospital?" Not that she would ever admit it, but she was this close to passing out.

"Make sure they get pictures of her," Jakes said, gesturing to the bruises forming on her arm. "Take some before she gets cleaned up."

"I'm standing right here," Paige said, moving away from Jakes so she could lean against the wall for support.

"Barely," Johnny said.

Jakes pulled out his phone, "I'll take some pictures now. Have Johnny take some more once your bruises start changing colors. But you better make sure you get cleaned up before you see Mike unless you want to give him a brand new reason to be mad at you. Hey, Johnny, twenty bucks he gets pissed at you for her bruises."

Johnny laughed, "I am not taking that bet. But, since you're the one she talked into this plan, he's gonna be more pissed at you than me."

Ignoring their comments about Mike, she lifted the edge of her shirt to see if there was a bruise on her abdomen from when Sid threw her against the wall.

"What the hell?" Johnny asked, moving closer to examine the bruise that was starting to form along her side. "Does it hurt?" He carefully pressed his fingers along her side, trying to get a sense of how injured she was.

"It's fine," Paige hissed out through gritted teeth. "Just a little sore."

Jakes and Johnny exchanged a look before Jakes started ushering all of the agents out of the room, "Everybody out," Jakes ordered to give her some privacy. "Come back in ten minutes."

They looked to Johnny for confirmation and he nodded. One by one they filtered out of the room and Johnny turned back to face her. "Lose your shirt. If it looks like serious, you're going to the nearest hospital."

As much as she wanted to joke about him needing to buy her a drink first, Paige bit her tongue, because the lack of sexual innuendo in Johnny's voice let her know he was dead serious. She fumbled with the buttons on her shirt, letting it slip off her shoulders. She undid the button on her jeans, knowing it would just be easier to cooperate. She could protest and make them send in an EMT or a female agent, but they had seen her in bikinis that covered less, and that would take longer. Besides, she trusted them. Copping a feel was the last thing on their minds. She lowered her jeans just a little, because she had hit her hip earlier. Looking down, she sighed in relief when she didn't see a bruise.

"Any swelling?" Jakes asked, moving her head so she was looking away from him. He pushed her hair aside and started taking pictures of her face, before moving onto her other injuries.

"No, no swelling. Just bruising," Johnny said. He lightly pressed his fingers into her side again, carefully watching her face for any indication of pain, "How bad does it hurt? Scale of 1 to 10?"

"Four."

"Take a few deep breaths," Johnny said.

Paige rolled her eyes, but agreed. The faster she got this over with, the faster she could get out of here. "See, I'm breathing fine. There's no swelling. Manageable pain. My vision's fine."

Jakes slipped his phone in his pocket and bent down to hand Paige her shirt, "You got him," Jakes said. "You said you'd get him and you did."

"It's the least I could do," Paige whispered, blinking back tears as she straightened out her clothing. She refused to cry. As much as Sid caused her a lot of heartache, she couldn't ignore her part. But with Sid in custody and a confession, Mike's name was cleared and hopefully they all could start to put this behind them. She closed her eyes for a few seconds to center herself, "Can we get out of here?"

Jakes pulled out his phone again and glanced at the screen, "Briggs is about to leave, I'm out of here. Paige, call me later and I'll pick you up from the hospital. I'm calling Charlie now to update her."

Carefully sliding his arm around her waist, Johnny started leading her towards the door. "Let's get you to the hospital and you can tell me about Disneyland." He motioned to the agents waiting outside the door to go back inside.

"It's a theme park," Paige said. "You've been there."

"You know what I'm talking about. The other night, you were freaked out about something and you called Mike. You two are barely talking, but out of everything you could've asked him about, you asked him about Disneyland?"

"You were eavesdropping."

"No, you were sitting across from me. That doesn't count as eavesdropping. Don't even think of changing the subject."

She let Johnny help her into the car, even let him make sure her seat belt was buckled. She hated feeling helpless, but her body was sore. Her muscles ached. The adrenaline from earlier had started wearing off and the pain was starting to kick in. She had popped a few ibuprofen earlier and was positive that Johnny would have something stronger, but if she asked there was a good chance he would take her to the nearest hospital and not the one Mike was at.

Paige closed her eyes, tuning out Johnny. Everything still felt so surreal. This nightmare was finally over. Mike was alive and Sid was going to pay. She should be celebrating, but she felt so defeated. All she wanted to do was celebrate with Mike, but she wasn't even sure if he wanted to see her. Their truce was so fragile, that she didn't know if going to him would remind him that part of the reason he was in the hospital was because of her. Helping catch Sid didn't absolve her of her of that.

"No, no, no. Don't even think about falling asleep. You hit your head pretty hard."

"I'm tired, I don't have a concussion," Paige insisted.

"If you want to go to a closer hospital so you can go to sleep faster, we can do that, otherwise, you're staying awake. I'll blast some techno if that's what it takes to keep you awake."

Just the thought of listening to music made her head hurt more, "I'm awake, no music."

Johnny glanced over at her, "Are you hungry? We can grab something if you are."

"No, I'm okay. Just drive."

"So what is going on with you and Mikey right now?"

Paige sighed, wishing she knew what was going on between them. "I don't know. It's complicated."

"Complicated, right. Jakes told me that you were going to tell him embarrassing things about you and Mike. You know, my feelings would be hurt, but I'm too much of a gentleman to ask those kind of questions of my roommate's girl, even if we're bunking together."

Paige looked at Johnny confused, not sure if he wasn't making sense because she hit her head too hard or because he was Johnny and he was being awkward and insecure. "So you're not going to ask me about having sex with Mike because I've been sleeping in your bed? That doesn't make any sense."

"I'm not going to ask you, but I'm going to ask Mike. I want details from him, not from you."

Paige laughed, "Are you sixteen or something?"

"Mike gets flustered sometimes with personal stuff, you don't. It's more fun to ask him. Besides, I'd rather hear details about you than from you."

Paige groaned at his immaturity. "Good luck getting Mike to share." It wasn't that Mike was a prude about sex, far from it. But he didn't like to kiss and tell. He especially wouldn't want to share things about them with their roommates. Although, he was the one that didn't see the big deal about keeping their relationship a secret.

_"I don't think it's the end of the world if everyone knows," Mike quietly said, lightly brushing his lips over hers._

_Paige tugged on his hands, pulling him further into the kitchen. "No one needs to know. I like that whatever we are, it's just us." Paige kissed him slowly, trying to reassure him that she wasn't embarrassed about being with him. Maybe he didn't mention it, but she knew he was worried about why she wanted to keep their relationship a secret. She could see the doubt and insecurity in his eyes, even if he didn't voice that aloud. Feeling him relax in her embrace, she gently bit his lower lip. "I promise you, Mike. I want you, I just don't want to share you." She wanted to keep things casual. She didn't want anyone offering opinions or advice._

_"Mike? You home?" Charlie called._

_Paige reluctantly pulled away from Mike, smiling softly at the flustered, yet annoyed look on his face. Mike ran his hand through his hair, and quickly kissed her hand before stepping out of the kitchen. "Yeah, you need something?"_

"Since you don't have a problem sharing details, tell me about Disneyland. Is that code for something? Were you guys talking about sex?"

Paige hesitated a few seconds before answering. It wasn't that she didn't trust Johnny. It was just that information about the tape wasn't her information to share. Even though it affected him. "Yes," she lied, knowing she would probably regret this later.

"I knew it! Is it some your body is a wonderland type of thing or are you two freaks into having sex in public?"

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	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I'm not sure what happened, this chapter was only half as long two days ago. Upfronts are today...so there should be some new pictures and hopefully some interviews surfacing. As for other candid photos that surfaced today, I'm going with people were just goofing around on set until I see something else on air. 6 weeks until the Season 3 premiere!**

**Thanks for reading, let me know what you think.**

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"You okay?" Charlie asked, tightly hugging Paige outside of Mike's hospital room. She quickly let Paige go once Paige groaned. "What the hell did Sid do to you?" Charlie started examining her before she could get a word in edgewise.

"I look worse than I feel." For the most part she was okay. Mostly bruises and a few cuts. No concussion, but her head was sore. Her arm would probably hurt for a few days. But she was fine. She was well aware of the fact that things could've turned out much worse, but she didn't want to think about any of that right now. Sid was in custody and would most likely never be a free man. Mike's name was officially cleared and she hoped they could all start moving forward. Paige motioned to Mike's room. "Is Mike awake?"

"He started dozing off, so I decided to head home. Briggs was here earlier, he updated Mike already and filed a report. Are you going to wait around here or do you want a ride home?"

Charlie continued fussing over her and Paige had learned that it was easier to let Charlie play caretaker than to fight her. She had been able to placate Johnny and Jakes earlier, and it wouldn't matter that a real doctor said she didn't need to be admitted to the hospital, Charlie wasn't going to back off until she was convinced she was okay.

"I'm going to stay for a little while. I talked to Jakes, he said he'd pick me up later," Paige said, keeping her voice casual.

"Johnny said you were cleared to go home and rest."

"Johnny has a big mouth." She wasn't mad that Johnny updated Charlie about her injuries. In fact, she expected it. She was just sick of everyone treating her like she was going to break. Although, she supposed that was her own fault. She had been all over the place emotionally the past two weeks and she wouldn't have gotten through any of it without her roommates. Even though Briggs was part of the reason why she had been such a mess.

"Speaking of Johnny, he also told me something about you and Mike having sex at Disneyland? When did that happen?"

Paige nervously laughed, running her hand through her hair. "Wow, that didn't take him long to share did it?" And this was how rumors got started. She wasn't sure if she should give Mike a heads up that everyone thought they had sex at Disneyland or hope that no one would mention it to him. "I'm not sure if I should be flattered - "

"Don't even go there, the two of you made a bet on if Briggs and I would sleep together last summer. Paul and I got you a free week's worth of drinks. I need to hear all about Disneyland."

"Believe me, it's not as exciting as it sounds." Charlie knew about the tape. Knew Mike had it. Or potentially had it. Now that Sid was taken care of, she could go check that warehouse where Mike was after he got shot to and retrieve it for him. But what Charlie didn't know was that Mike told her about the tape.

Charlie looked at her skeptically, "I'm not buying it. I'm going to need _very_ explicit details. You've been holding out about you and Mike. Did they give you anything for pain?"

"Not really. Just some extra strength ibuprofen."

"So tomorrow, me and you and some zombie virus for you and a virgin daiquiri for me?" Charlie gently nudged her with her hip, "Because one way or another, I'm getting that Disneyland story out of you. Don't make me ask Mike, he'll be mortified that you told everyone you two were having sex at Disneyland."

"He definitely will be." Paige closed her eyes for a few seconds, leaning against the wall.

Charlie lightly rested her hand over her forehead, "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"Just a little tired," Paige confessed. The adrenaline she had been running on for the past week had finally worn off and as much as she would love to crawl into bed, she needed to see Mike first. She wasn't looking for his praise or gratitude. She wasn't trying to show off her battle wounds, but she just wanted to see him now that it was over.

"Maybe you should go home for a little while. Get some sleep and - "

"We both know that's not happening until I see Mike. It's just - it's over, you know? Mike's name will be cleared. He got his big win. When he gets out of the hospital, he can come home. He won't have to hide."

"What about you?" Charlie gently asked. "Are you hiding from Mike?"

"I'm standing right here, aren't I?" Paige asked, even though she knew that wasn't what Charlie was talking about.

"You messed up, I know that. You know that. Mike knows that, but you owned up to what you did. You messed up, trusted the wrong person, but you - "

"Don't make excuses for me," Paige whispered. "Don't." She had gone over what happened so many times, wondering how things would've turned out differently _if_ she had done something differently. But it all boiled down to her not trusting Mike when she should have. It didn't matter why or how, she hadn't trusted him and her mistake nearly cost MIke his life. She apologized and tried to make things right as best she could. Now it was up to Mike if he chose to forgive her.

"All I'm trying to say, is that you have to be patient. Give Mike some time. If you want to fight for him, don't give up."

"I'm trying."

Charlie hugged her, "I'll see you at home. Don't forget, we have a date tomorrow."

Paige stared at her blankly for a few seconds before laughing, "Zombie virus, right." She watched Charlie leave and took a deep breath before entering Mike's hospital room.

Her lips curved into a slight smile as she watched him peacefully sleeping. He looked so much stronger than he had the week before. He was still pale, reminding her of when he first arrived from DC last summer. Like he hadn't seen the sun in ages. He looked peaceful, like he could wake up at any moment and smile at her.

"_There's those blue eyes."_

What she wouldn't give for him to be happy to see her. The animosity between them had definitely lessened since their last blow up. They weren't always fighting but Mike was sending her so many mixed signals she wasn't sure what was going on between them. One minute they were getting closer and the next it seemed like they would never work things out.

There had been so many times where it would have been easier to cut her losses and she was running out of ways to say she was sorry, but she wasn't going to give up on him. Even if he moved back to DC. Even if she moved out of Graceland.

Paige settled into the chair next to Mike's bed and hesitantly reached for his hand, carefully watching Mike to see if she was disturbing him. "It's over," Paige quietly said. "Sid - he's gonna pay for everything he did. Your name is clear. You got the win."

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Her neck was killing her. She hadn't meant to fall asleep in Mike's hospital room, but apparently the stress from the past few weeks, especially today, had taken its toll. Paige opened her eyes slowly, surprised to see Mike watching her. She was even more surprised to see that her hand was still resting over his. Paige guiltily pulled her hand away, her fingers lingering over his for a few extra seconds, "Sorry," she apologized, wondering how long he had been watching her.

"You should be home, resting," Mike said, sitting up.

"I'm fine. Not even a concussion. I didn't even need stitches." Jakes and Johnny were wrong about Mike's reaction. Mike wasn't freaking out. She could tell by the way he was clenching his jaw that he wasn't happy, but he wasn't freaking out.

Mike took a deep breath and he stared at her for a few seconds before continuing. "Does your head hurt?"

"A little," Paige admitted, unsure what to make of Mike's concern, reaching up to touch the bandage on her head. She wasn't even sure the bandage was necessary.

"You should go home. Get some real sleep."

"I can take care of myself. I don't need you to manage me," Paige said, her voice more hostile than she intended. What the hell was wrong with her? They were having a semi-civilized conversation, but it was driving her crazy that their interaction seemed so normal. She was so fed up with Mike's mixed signals. One minute he wanted her to leave. The next they were colleagues and talking about the tape. Now he was concerned about her health. She was sick of this. SIck of not knowing what they were to each other. If they were anything.

"I'm not trying..." Mike's voice trailed off and he met her gaze. "I know you've been spending part of your nights here."

"Save the lecture, Mike," Paige bitterly said, too annoyed to feel embarrassed for being _caught_. This conversation seemed so normal when they were anything but. "You're mad at me, I get that. If I knew how to fix things, I would. But I care about you and you're going to have to deal with that."

"I care about you too," Mike quietly confessed. "As hard as it was to see you, if you were here - I knew you were safe. I knew that Sid hadn't gotten to you. Paige, I..." Mike's voice trailed off for a few moments and she held her breath, waiting for him to continue. "You scared me today."

Paige started picking at her nails, uncomfortable with how personal this conversation was getting. Even though this was what she wanted. She wanted to know where she stood with Mike. The entire time they were together, she spent weeks not trying to define what they meant to each other. Then things blew up between them before they even began. Only to have her wreck things. She wasn't sure if their relationship could be salvaged. If they could find a way to start over. If Mike even wanted that. But the past few days they had been working together. Figuring out how to trust each other again.

Then she lied about her plan to catch Sid.

Technically.

A lie of omission was still a lie. She hadn't wanted Mike to know that she was planning to use herself as bait to catch Sid. He never would've wanted her to do it. Even with how strained things had been between them, he wouldn't have wanted her to take an unnecessary risk. She hated and loved that about him. That he was overprotective of her to a fault. She wasn't sure if it was because she was female. Because they were roommates. Coworkers. Or because it was her. Their past made it impossible for her to know why he was overprotective.

"I didn't mean to."

"You used yourself as bait? He could've killed you! What the hell? You know how dangerous he is! He almost killed me! I flatlined!" Mike yelled, his voice getting louder with each word.

"I know how dangerous he is! But I was fine."

"You're safe now, but you weren't fine! He held a GUN to your head! He smacked you around and threw you across the room! You're lucky all you got was a concussion and a few bruises. What the hell were you thinking?"

Ignoring his question she continued, downplaying the danger she had been in, "I made sure I had backup and - "

"The last time you thought you had backup, you didn't. You were out there all alone. Sid threatened to kill you. He told me he was going to kill you," Mike said, his voice softening slightly but she could see how agitated he was.

"He offered me condolences! Did Briggs tell you that? Did he tell you that he must've been following me for days? Because Sid was waiting for me at my favorite coffee shop with a newspaper that had a fake article about your death and all your alleged crimes." Now that she had started talking, she couldn't stop. She didn't care if she was upsetting Mike. He didn't dictate her life.

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't have been bait. He's dangerous. He hurt you! Look what he did to your face! He went after you because of me! Because of..." Mike's voice trailed off for a few seconds and he squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds. "He thought I was dead, but targeted _you _because of me. If something had happened to you.."

She heard the guilt in his voice. Mike initially tried to hide how bothered he was about what happened, he couldn't. This wasn't just about Sid. This was about her. He was upset because she got hurt and arguing with him about it wasn't making it any better. She was supposed to be fixing things with Mike, not fighting with him. They couldn't even celebrate that Sid was behind bars because they had this inescapable need to fight. Because fighting about Sid, about whether or not she was bait, meant they could ignore their problems. Meant they didn't have to work through their issues if they were fighting about Sid.

"It's a good thing I have a hard head," Paige joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Mike leaned back on his bed, signaling that he was done fighting. At least for the moment. "You could've told me. I didn't want to find out from Briggs after the fact."

"Would you have tried to stop me?" There were dozens of reasons why she didn't tell Mike, why she insisted no one tell Mike about her plan. Part of her didn't want him to worry. But if she was being completely honest with herself, she was afraid that he wouldn't worry about her, and it wouldn't be because he was compartmentalizing his emotions from the case, but because she no longer factored into his emotions.

Mike laughed softly, "If there's one thing I've learned about you, it's that when you want to do something, nothing can stop you."

"I have it on good authority that I'm stubborn."

Mike nodded quickly, "You think?" He motioned to the remote, "Hand me that, will you?"

Reaching for the remote on the end of the bed, she gave it to him, watching him curiously as he flipped on the TV. "I should probably get going." She had never called Jakes, but she had a feeling he was probably waiting in the hall. Their fight was over, but Mike was clearly more interested in watching TV than talking to her. She wanted to talk about the tape, but tonight probably wasn't a good time.

"I get the old movie channel, I watched a few of the movies you told me about. I finally watched _Rear Window_. They show black and white movies after midnight. Do you want to watch one?"

"_I can't believe you've never seen it," Paige exclaimed, grabbing Mike's laptop from him. "Rear Window is a classic."_

"_Hey! I was working on - "_

_Paige silenced him with a kiss. "It's a report that doesn't need to be filed until next week, it can wait a few hours." She pulled up the movie and settled in next to Mike, relaxing when he slipped his arm around her shoulders._

_Mike started kissing her neck, "This is nice," he murmured as his fingers inched their way underneath her shirt._

_Paige moaned softly, tilting her neck to give him better access. The volume from the movie startled her and she jumped. "Popcorn!" Pulling away from Mike, she swung her legs over the side of the bed but didn't even take one step before he was tugging her back towards him._

"_Where do you think you're going?"_

"_We're watching a movie, we need popcorn."_

"_You're not eating popcorn in my bed."_

_Paige laughed then shook her head in disbelief, "Seriously?" Of course he was serious. This was the same guy that not only made his bed every morning, but started making hers too. Not that she didn't make her bed, but never first thing in the morning. She was surprised no one had commented about her bed being made before dinner. Because if that wasn't an obvious clue she was sleeping with Mike, she didn't know what else was. "Fine, we can go to my room." She didn't mind eating in her bed, but apparently it upset something in Mike's neat freak world._

_Mike shook his head._

_Paige pouted and climbed back in bed, pushing his laptop aside as she crawled in his lap. "Please?"_

_Mike's hands rested on her hips briefly before pulling her closer for a kiss. "Rain check?"_

This was the first time that Mike actually seemed glad to see her. He wasn't talking with her because she was stubborn and kept showing up even though he claimed he didn't want to see her. It wasn't because of necessity because there was no one else for him to talk to about the tape. He actually wanted to spend time with her.

She was tempted. So tempted. But she was exhausted and as much as she would love to stay here and watch an old movie with him, the events from the day were starting to catch up with her. Falling asleep in a chair hadn't done anything to alleviate the soreness in her body. What she wanted to do was crawl into bed next to him, but that probably wouldn't go over so well. And she didn't want to mess up what little progress she made by asking.

Mike watched her, patiently waiting for her answer and she could see the doubt start to creep into those impossibly blue eyes of his as he second guessed his invitation. What she wanted to do was kiss him in order to reassure him before letting him down easy. But if crawling into bed next to him to watch a movie was a bad idea, kissing him would probably be a disaster.

"Rain check?" Paige asked, hoping this wasn't some one time offer. Things were progressing slowly with Mike, but at least they were progressing. She had to keep reminding herself of that. It had barely been a week since she found out he was alive. She was lucky he was even talking to her after what she did. "I feel like I want to sleep for a week. I'm not sure how much longer I can stay awake."

Mike shut off the TV, "Right. Yeah, of course. I wasn't thinking. You had a long day and with everything that happened, I'm sure you want to take a hot shower and crawl into bed," Mike rambled.

Paige sighed happily at the thought of hot water soothing her aching muscles, "That sounds amazing." She slowly stood up, already second guessing her decision to leave, but she was pretty sure she would fall asleep the second she closed her eyes.

* * *

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	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Another chapter that escaped from me, I almost split it into two parts but that would've messed up ending perfectly on twenty chapters. Don't be shocked, but there's actually light moments in this chapter. Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

Paige was positive she shouldn't be this nervous about seeing Mike, only she was. He was coming home from the hospital today and she wasn't sure where they stood. It had been a few days since everything happened with Sid and he actually asked her to stay and watch a movie with him.

Paige glanced at her watch, knowing that Jakes and Mike would be home any minute. Earlier she planned to go with Jakes to pick up Mike, but changed her mind at the last minute, because she didn't want to risk fighting with him. She had seen him everyday since then, but everything was so fragile with them. She was still afraid of saying the wrong thing and she hated that. Hated that she turned into someone that second guessed her instincts and questioned her impulses. But she was willing to do whatever it took to prove to Mike that he could trust her again. Pushing him into something he wasn't ready for would only push him away. She wasn't sure Mike could forgive her and even if he did forgive her, that didn't mean he wanted to get involved with her again. The only thing she was sure of was that crowding him or telling him she loved him right now would be a disaster.

She needed to give Mike time. Be patient like he had been with her over the summer. She knew exactly how he felt about her, but despite Mike wanting to tell their roommates about them, he hadn't pressured her into defining what they were. Although, she more than suspected that if she had told him she was _officially _his girlfriend, he would've run to the nearest florist for long stemmed roses. Even if he was open to exploring a relationship again, they couldn't rush right into things. They had been through so much and both of them, mainly her, had done unspeakable things and they couldn't pick things up where they left off. Not that she would want to, because how they ended was a perfect storm of lies and betrayal.

Mike was part of the reason she was leaving Graceland. Not the whole reason, but her disastrous relationship with Mike definitely factored into her decision. She wasn't even sure she'd stay if he asked her to, because for her own sanity she needed to leave. Now that Mike was officially alive, she finally met with a therapist despite it no longer being mandatory. She couldn't get into the specifics about any of their cases, but she had talked a lot about her inability to trust herself in the field. Just the thought of going undercover was enough to send her into a full blown panic attack and there was only so much time she could take off from field work while being allowed to stay in Graceland.

Her plan was to work a desk job for a few months and consult on cases. After she trusted her judgment again, she'd start working with TAC teams and would eventually reevaluate her decision about staying in the field. Depending on how long that took and if there was an opening in Graceland, she'd love to return. But for now, she needed to leave.

Paige took a deep breath, she was getting ahead of herself.

She looked around Mike's room, making sure that everything was exactly how he had it before Briggs packed everything up and put it in storage. She smoothed out his comforter and glanced at the note she placed on Mike's pillow. She was second guessing herself, trying to decide if leaving him a note about him cashing in his movie rain check was lame or cowardly, because she couldn't bring herself to offer in person.

_IOU one movie, it doesn't have to even be an old one. One movie, your choice :)_

Her hand hovered over the note, debating on whether she should grab it or not when she heard the front door open.

"Anybody home?" Jakes called.

Paige rushed out of Mike's room, the note forgotten the second she learned Mike was home. She slipped out of his room, leaving the door open and resisted the urge to run downstairs, but settled for quickly walking. Paige hung back near the doorway of the kitchen as she watched Charlie greet Mike.

"Welcome home," Charlie said, hugging him. "I missed you."

"You're making sauce?" Mike asked, reaching for the pan lid only to have his hand slapped away.

"You just got out of the hospital, but you have to wait like the rest of these degenerates. Dinner is at 7:25."

Mike nodded solemnly. "You have the whole house to yourself? Probably easier to guard the sauce if no one is home."

"Johnny and Briggs are outside. If you're feeling up to it, we were going to have a bonfire after dinner."

"Sounds good. So..." Mike's voice trailed off as he looked around the kitchen and Paige froze when Mike noticed her.

Charlie gave her an encouraging nod, and Paige offered Mike a small wave in return. "Hi."

"Hey," Mike said.

Two words. Not exactly the reunion she imagined, but things were going as well as they could. He was talking to her. If one word counted as talking. They awkwardly stood there for a few minutes, neither sure what to say, making it clear that they had no idea how to act around each other.

"Paige, I'm going to go take a quick shower, watch that for me. Make sure no one touches it, that includes Mike."

Paige quickly nodded, grateful for the distraction.

"You're trusting her with that?" Mike asked, making a not so subtle reference to her lack of cooking skills.

"With cooking? Not a chance, but she'll guard it," Charlie said, walking out of the kitchen. "You can supervise if you think she needs it."

Paige hesitantly walked into the kitchen towards the stove and Mike reached out to touch her arm as she walked past him. Overcome with emotion, she closed her eyes as tears started streaming down her face. Her eyes opened when she felt Mike's hand on her face.

"Your bruises are fading," Mike quietly said, lightly tracing his fingers along her discolored skin, before brushing away her tears.

"Time heals all wounds, right?" She wasn't talking about her bruises and they both knew it. She couldn't bring herself to ask him if he could forgive her because she was afraid he'd say no. Maybe she was being delusional, but at least she could cling to the hope that he might one day forgive her.

Mike held her gaze for a few moments longer before dropping his hand and shoving it in his pocket. "Eventually."

Paige nodded, quickly pulling away from him and reaching for the spoon. "I should probably stir that. If the sauce burns in the half hour or so that I'm watching it, I'll never hear the end of it. Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich or something before Charlie gets back downstairs." Lifting the lid, she took a deep breath, savoring the aroma before stirring it for a few seconds.

"I'm good, thanks. We hit up the drive thru on the way back. I'm going to head outside for a little bit, it feels like I haven't seen the sun in forever. I don't even remember the last time I went running."

Paige finished stirring the sauce and set the spoon back down again. She couldn't even begin to imagine how stir crazy Mike must've been in the hospital. He probably went crazy from being in his room, not even having the freedom to move around the hospital. "Enjoy, it's nice out. It was supposed to rain earlier, but it didn't...," Paige rambled on for a few minutes more minutes about the weather forecast, wondering when they became the type of people that had nothing to discuss but the weather.

Mike nodded, "I'll catch up with you later."

* * *

"You sure you're up to this?" Paige asked, placing the giant bowl of popcorn on the corner of the L-shaped sofa. Mike was stretched out on one side. "Are you sure you're comfortable?" She fussed over him for a few minutes, making sure he was propped up by enough pillows.

"I'm fine, let's start the movie and eat this before Charlie changes her mind and takes away our popcorn," Mike said.

"Good point," Paige said, settling herself on the other side of the sofa, stretching her legs out so her feet rested on the coffee table. They were lucky that Charlie even let them have popcorn, on sauce night she never let anyone in the kitchen eight hours before it was ready, insisting that everyone had to have a healthy appetite for dinner. She was positive that the only reason they got popcorn was because Mike asked and he made sure to mention he wasn't sure he could wait until dinner to eat, but that he would try. Naturally, Charlie caved, because the only thing that could make her bend her rules about sauce night was someone being sick and no way was Charlie immune to Mike's exasperated sighing and puppy dog eyes.

Mike hit play and she laughed when she recognized the opening credits. "_Stowaway_? Really? Paige asked, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

"_You've got to s-m-i-l-e to be h-a-double-p-y..." her voice trailed off when she noticed Mike looking at her strangely. So maybe her singing was better suited to bar karaoke when the bar was filled with people drinking or drunk. But her singing wasn't that bad._

"_What was that?" _

"_Shirley Temple. You've never heard that song before?"_

"_Nope."_

"_Seriously?" What cave had Mike grown up in that he didn't watch Shirley Temple movies? So maybe it was geared more towards girls, but certainly he had to have a cousin or a sister or someone that made him watch. Did he even have a sister?_

"_No."_

"_My mom used to make me watch old movies," Paige defensively said, but started laughing once Mike did. "Don't laugh at me. Don't you laugh at me."_

"Still haven't seen it."

Paige smiled brightly, not wanting to overanalyze his movie choice, but it wasn't lost on her that he had not only chosen a movie he knew she liked as a child, but had chosen one reminded both of them how things had been _before_ everything started to go wrong.

They settled into a comfortable silence watching the movie, but Paige swore she felt like a teenager on a first date every time her fingers brushed against his if they reached for popcorn at the same time. She knew she needed to tell him about her decision to leave Graceland, but it could wait until after dinner. She wasn't even sure what his plans were. If he was planning to leave or stay. Not that it mattered, she had already made her decision to leave. Paige pushed all thought about the future from her mind, wanting to focus on enjoying whatever time she had left with Mike before either of them left.

* * *

Paige mindlessly flipped through one of Charlie's celebrity gossip magazines. She glanced at the clock, annoyed to see it was barely 10am. She had a meeting scheduled in the late afternoon with her supervisor to finalize her plans for leaving Graceland. Even with Mike being alive and Sid being in custody, that hadn't changed. She really needed a break from being in the field. She wasn't sure how she would hold up on a long term undercover assignment. The bus case and the aftermath surrounding it, made her question everything about herself, both personally and professionally. She couldn't be in the field if she was second guessing herself. Her plan was to find an apartment and work a desk job for the foreseeable future.

She looked up when she heard a light knock on her door. "Come in."

Charlie entered her room and sat down on the edge of the bed. "What time is your meeting?"

"Not until 4, why?"

"My doctor's appointment got moved to today, I'm about to head out now. Mike's downstairs. He'll probably need some help changing his bandages. Do you think you can handle it? Because if not, I - "

"It's fine." Charlie wasn't questioning her ability to change Mike's bandages. She wanted to know if she and Mike could stand to be in the same room with each other for more than five minutes without fighting. They had one day of things being somewhat normal between them before things got tense _again_.

She thought things were getting better between them, but after sauce night it seemed that the only thing Mike wanted to talk to her about was work. After retrieving it from the warehouse, she handed it over to him. Mike still wasn't sure what he wanted to do about the tape. He felt that Briggs' part in Badillo's death was accidental and she agreed with him. While Briggs deserved to punished for being Odin Rossi, he didn't deserve to go to jail for what happened with Badillo.

Maybe this was how things were meant to be with her and Mike. They were meant to be coworkers and nothing more. Otherwise, why would he have asked her to keep her distance when he came home from the hospital?

"_I know you're still recovering, but I was hoping we could talk after dinner." Despite the last sauce night ending in disaster, she was able to convince Charlie to make another batch. With everything they had been through, they really needed a sauce night._

_Mike leaned against the counter and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I need some space from - everything."_

_His unspoken words hung in the air. From her. He needed space from her. He was the one that suggested they watch a movie today and suddenly it was too much for him?_

_Paige blinked back tears as she took a step back from him. She was so sick of crying over Mike. Sick of begging for his forgiveness. She desperately wanted to fix things between them, but she couldn't do it alone. Couldn't do it if he hated her. _

"_We need - "_

"_I don't want to fight with you," Mike quietly admitted. "I'm trying to sort through all of this. I need some time. I just got out of the hospital. Can we put this on hold for now?"_

It wasn't what she wanted. But she'd deal with it. Her distrust practically got him killed. He had every right to hold a grudge.

"If you're not sure, I can check with Johnny to see what time he'll be back."

"It'll be fine," Paige insisted.

"There are leftovers in the fridge."

"You don't want me cooking?" Paige asked, pretending to be offended.

"Mike just got home from the hospital, let's not send him back."

* * *

"I'm almost done," Paige quietly said, as she pressed down the last bandage. "Then you can go back to ignoring me. Or do you hate me so much that you can't even accept help from me?" Mike could barely look at her and he flinched every time she touched him. Maybe it was pain. But she was convinced it was because it was her. "Despite what you think, I don't want you to get an infection and I'm the only one home. But don't worry, I'm leaving Graceland next week."

"You're leaving?" Mike asked, meeting her eyes for the first time since she had come downstairs to change his bandages.

"Yes, I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few weeks. Things are settling down now and it's safe now, you know?" If Mike hadn't insisted on coming clean about Briggs faking his death, she wasn't sure how long it would've gone on. Part of her understood why Briggs did it, but part of her was always going to hate him for it.

"I didn't realize you were thinking about leaving."

"You said you wanted space. It's hard to talk to someone if they don't want to talk to you."

"You love your job," Mike pointed out, clearly ignoring her comment about him not wanting to talk to her.

"I also don't trust myself in the field and that hesitation could cost someone their life. I'm not willing to take that risk."

"You're an incredible agent, the DEA needs you."

"I'm not leaving the DEA, I'll just be working behind a desk for a little while. Besides, it's not like I'm moving across the country."

"But you won't be down the hall. You shouldn't have to leave your home. Graceland is your home. If you can't be around me, I'll leave."

Paige sadly smiled at him, "It's your home now too and I don't want you leaving because of me."

"But you can leave because of me?"

"You're part of the reason, but I need to do this for me."

"Paige..."

Feeling suffocated, suddenly _she _was the one that needed space. She grabbed the trash from his bandages and jumped up to throw them away. She stepped into the kitchen to wash her hands, not entirely surprised that Mike followed her. "Are you still going back to DC? Because I'm leaving now, so if you stay you won't have to see me. I'll keep my distance from you if that's what you want." Mike didn't answer her, so she continued, "Do you think this is easy for me? Because it's not. I have to live with what I did, but if I can make things easier for you, it's the least I can do."

"Why haven't you given up on me?"

"Because I love you. You can hate me all you want, but you don't get to tell me how to feel," Paige snapped before she could stop herself. This really wasn't how she wanted to tell Mike she loved him. She hadn't realized it until he died and there hadn't really been a good chance to tell him. Every time they started to get closer and work things out, he would push her away. Naturally the first time she told him she loved him they were fighting.

Paige froze when Mike moved to stand behind her, his hands were on her hips and she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. If she closed her eyes, it was as if she was reliving a memory. Countless times Mike had stepped behind her and kissed her neck. But this wasn't one of those times. This wasn't going to be an affectionate kiss that led to more.

_Mike placed his hands on her hips, brushing his lips over the back of her neck. Paige sighed as she leaned back into his embrace. "You're going to find them," Mike said._

"_I have to. They're out there and they're scared and - "_

"_And they have you. You're not gonna stop until you find them. I'm going to make sure you get them out."_

"_I want a timeout. From the case. From reality." Mike's belief in her gave her the strength she desperately needed to keep pushing forward with this case when she kept hitting dead ends. But she needed a break from all this before she lost her mind._

_Mike kissed her neck a few times, as he slid his arms around her waist. "That can be arranged."_

_Paige turned slightly to kiss him, wishing this moment of just them being could last forever. No interferences from work or reality. She didn't want to take the time to figure out what they were to each other. Was this just a summer romance or the start of something more? _

_Mike mattered to her. She didn't need to label what they were to prove that he was important to her. Mike anchored her. WIth all the craziness and uncertainty, she had Mike. Without him, she'd lose her mind._

"I don't hate you," Mike murmured, rubbing his thumbs in small circles over her hips. "I hate that despite everything, I still love you."

Paige held her breath. Afraid to move. Afraid she was hallucinating. Afraid to hope.

He loved her. But he hated that he loved her.

Paige turned her head slightly and Mike was watching her intensely, waiting to see her reaction. Mike was close enough to kiss, but if anything happened, it had to be his move. She wasn't sure she could take him pushing her away.

Time stood still as they stared at each other. She remembered first time they kissed. It happened so suddenly but there was nothing sudden about it. Honestly, she was surprised it had taken them that long to kiss. The second time they kissed, they had been flirting all day and she decided to seduce him because she wasn't going to wait until the day before he left to kiss him. So she dropped her towel in front of him, wanting to erase any doubt in his mind, she let him know she wanted him. She would never forget how desired she felt as Mike wantonly stared at her. That night when he kissed her, they combusted. She wasn't sure it could ever be like _that _again. Easy. Carefree. Playful. Free from emotional baggage. But even after everything she did, he still wanted her.

Paige licked her lips in anticipation, drawing Mike's attention to her mouth. He was no doubt remembering all the times they kissed. she could see the desire in his eyes. She could also see him fighting with himself. She wondered what would win out. Lust or logic.

The days where a kiss or them being able to work out their frustrations with each other in the bedroom were long gone. But if Mike kissed her, it could be the start of something. He wasn't cruel. He wouldn't kiss her to show her she couldn't have him. He loved her. And she loved him. But things would never be that simple for them. There were too many lies and betrayals between them.

How in the world did she turn into a woman that waited for a man to throw a scrap of affection her way? She used to pride herself on not needing a man in her life. If she was lonely for the night, she had no problem keeping things casual. But then she met Mike. She knew from the moment they met that things would never be casual between them. But she hadn't expected to fall in love. That was what happened. She let him in. Made herself vulnerable. It would be so easy to put up walls. Move away from Graceland and forget that Mike ever existed. In fact, she was starting to think that was how things would play out between them.

They heard a door slam and Mike quickly stepped away from her out of habit, just like he used to when they were sneaking around. Paige nervously laughed, running her fingers through her hair as Mike leaned against the counter across from her as Johnny walked in the kitchen.

Paige glanced at Johnny before meeting Mike's gaze. "I have to get going."

"I brought Hector's," Johnny said, setting a bag on the table.

"Tempting, but I have that meeting and I really can't be late."

"Your loss," Johnny said as he grabbed a few plates and headed over to the table.

Mike grabbed her wrist as she walked past him. She tensed as she slowly pulled away. "I can't do this right now." Not right before she met with her supervisor and definitely not in front of Johnny.

Mike nodded, "Find me later, okay?"

* * *

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	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Don't hate on Johnny too much for interrupting...he was either gonna interrupt there or at their impromptu movie night, I figured they deserved a perfect 'date' amidst all their angst. But as for this fic...this is the last chapter. It's really not what I usually write, I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I probably secretly like angst, but I don't usually go for full on tragedy and angst on top of angst. I tried to balance the dark with lighter moments that were mostly flashbacks.**

**Thanks to everyone that read, favorited, followed and reviewed this fic, I know it was really angsty so thanks for sticking through it despite Mike being dead for the first seven chapters. I'm still debating writing Mike's side of the story, it's been outlined for months, I just can't seem to find the motivation to actually start it. His story (Broken is the Promise, Betrayal) runs along the same timeline, starting at the hospital with Sid and ends sometime after this fic ends, most scenes are new. There are a few from this fic that are told from Mike's POV. After I finish my 8 fics for my ficathon, I'm going to see if I can entice my muse to start writing it.**

**That's enough of me rambling...as always, let me know what you think :)**

* * *

"_Scared, Warren?" Sid taunted as he menacingly leaned over Mike's hospital bed. "Your best wasn't good enough. I'm better than you. Smarter. You're gonna rot in the ground for trying to bring me down. I'm going to make you regret the day you learned my name."_

"_Don't touch him!" Paige screamed as she ran into the room. Drawing her gun, she aimed at Sid and fired, but the bullet didn't seem to affect him, and he started to reach for Mike's ventilator tube. She shot Sid again and again, emptying the chamber, but the bullets bounced off him one by one. _

_Sid wrapped his hand around Mike's ventilator tube, "You're gonna suffer, Warren. I want the last face you see to be mine. I want you to know your blonde girlfriend gave you up to me. She wants you dead and who am I to refuse a pretty blonde?" Sid started squeezing Mike's ventilator tube, cutting off his air supply. _

"_Get away from him!" Paige shouted, yanking Sid's arm, but he ignored her._

"_I'm going to kill her. I'm going to kill all your friends, but I'm going to save her for last," Sid promised. "I'm going to slit her throat and make sure she knows how much she suffered. If she even cares."_

_Mike desperately looked at her with panicked eyes, gasping for air as she tried fighting off Sid, but it was as if she wasn't even there. Sid didn't flinch when she pistol whipped him. Didn't react when she grabbed his hand to try to pull him away from Mike's ventilator. Mike couldn't breathe and she was helpless. Mike flatlined and his body went still as his monitors went off. Sid waited a few seconds and fled the room. She frantically tried reviving Mike as she screamed for help._

Paige screamed when she felt a hand on her arm. Her eyes shot open and she instinctively backed away until she noticed Mike sitting on the edge of her bed. He pulled his hand away, but didn't move away from her.

Blinking back tears, she sat up and stared at him in disbelief, trying to sort out the nightmare from reality, even though the past few weeks felt more like a nightmare than reality. Paige closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to regulate her breathing before she started having a panic attack.

It was a dream. It was all some horrible dream. When she opened her eyes, everything would be fine. She was at home. Not the hospital. Mike was asleep in his room down the hall. Paige took a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes, confused to see Mike watching her. Convinced she was hallucinating, she reached out to touch his face, not sure if her mind was playing tricks on her or if this was real. "You're really here," Paige whispered before launching herself in his arms. She hugged him tightly, relieved that he was really okay. Mike wrapped his arms around her and she relaxed in his embrace, running her fingers through his hair for a few moments. As reality came into focus, she suddenly remembered that they didn't do _this _anymore and pulled away. "Sorry."

Mike shrugged, indicating it was fine. He loosened his hold on her but didn't move away from her. "I heard you screaming."

"Just a nightmare," Paige confessed, struggling to keep her voice even. She didn't Mike to know how much trouble she had sleeping these past few weeks. Not that it mattered if he knew, but she didn't want him feeling sorry for her. It had been days since she had a nightmare and she thought they had stopped. But that had been before Sid kidnapped her and goaded her with information about Mike's _death_. Apparently it took her subconscious a few days to filter new material into her nightmares.

"You're trembling," Mike quietly said, his voice filled with concern as he tenderly stroked her face.

Paige looked at her hands and gripped the comforter, trying to will herself to stop shaking, but it was Mike's touch that calmed her. Well aware of the fact that Mike's eyes were on her, she kept her eyes trained on her hands, breathing a sigh of relief when her hands stilled. "See, all better now," Paige said, resisting the urge to lean into his touch.

"What were you dreaming of?" Mike asked, gently pressing her for answers.

"You." Not all of her dreams were nightmares. Sometimes they were memories. But more often than not, she dreamed of Mike dying. Reliving memories that didn't actually exist for her. Memories that were rooted in reality, but were really manifestations of her fears and guilt. She closed her eyes for a few seconds, desperate to stop the images that had haunted her dreams from resurfacing.

Mike remained silent, but continued stroking her face. That simple gesture, reassured her that this was real. That Mike was real. This wasn't some trick her mind was playing on her. He wasn't bleeding out in a warehouse or suffocating in his hospital room. He wasn't demanding to know why she betrayed him. He was sitting on her bed.

Breathing.

Earlier, he told her he needed space, but apparently that didn't apply to nightmares. Although, anyone in the house could have been screaming and Mike would've gone to check on them. But checking on a roommate having a nightmare was one thing, staying to make sure they were okay was another. At least that was what she was telling herself. She really couldn't picture Mike sitting on the edge of Jakes' bed comforting him.

"It's late," Mike said. "You should get some rest."

As much as she wanted to stay in this moment and just be with Mike, she was too proud to ask him to stay. Too stubborn to make her way to Johnny's room and crawl in his bed. She hadn't slept in Johnny's room since Mike had come home from the hospital. As of tonight, Mike knew she was having nightmares, but she didn't need him knowing that she had been afraid to sleep alone these past few weeks. Although he probably already knew. He had known about her coming to see him at night and he hadn't said a word until he wanted to use it against her to prove his point about her needing to rest after Sid grabbed her.

"Probably," Paige said, settling herself back into bed. "Goodnight, Mike."

"Goodnight, Paige," Mike said, getting up from the bed as she pulled her comforter around her like a cocoon.

Paige prided herself on being tough. On being in control of her emotions. For not getting too emotional. But until Mike _died_, she hadn't experienced the death of someone close to her. Certainly not someone she was involved with. Living with. Working with. In love with. Even though she and Mike weren't technically dating when he got shot, the lines were so blurred between them, that a simple label of broken up didn't matter. Didn't change how devastated she felt. Or how responsible she was for Sid's role in his _death_. Everyone, except Mike, constantly reminded her that she wasn't responsible for Sid's actions, only her own. But that did nothing to stop her guilt. Her guilt didn't disappear once she learned Mike was alive. Her grief didn't erase her actions. Sleepless nights filled with nightmares didn't balance the scales.

* * *

Falling into a restless sleep, Paige tossed and turned for the rest of the night. She slowly opened her eyes, thankful that visions of Mike dying hadn't continued to haunt her dreams. As much as she would love to stay in bed all day and figure out a way to avoid Mike, she was supposed to go apartment hunting with Charlie this afternoon. Her room was still dark, indicating she had hours before she needed to get out of bed. The last thing she wanted to do was get up, but she also didn't want to risk having another nightmare if she fell back asleep again. She wondered if she could bribe Jakes to make her coffee. Johnny would probably be so thankful to have his bedroom all to himself that she could probably convince him, but there was a better chance Briggs was already awake since he had an early meeting this morning and mentioned wanting to go surfing before his meeting. Paige rolled over to grab her phone and froze when she saw Mike sleeping in the chair across from her bed.

"What the hell Mike?" Paige asked, climbing out of bed and walking over to the sleeping agent.

Startled, Mike's eyes shot open. "Sorry," Mike apologized. "It's just you were so upset and I thought - I'll leave you alone."

Too concerned for his wellbeing, it hadn't even occurred to her that he stayed to watch over her. And with things so hot and cold between them, naturally he took her concern for anger. Paige pushed her hair back as she hesitantly approached him. "I'm not mad you're here." Ecstatic, actually. "I just - you, already got hurt enough because of me. You shouldn't be sleeping in a chair." Paige sat down in front of him, pulling her knees to her chest, just needing to be near him.

Paige closed her eyes, relaxing as Mike lazily ran his fingers through her hair with a gentle affection. This seemed almost normal. Just Mike playing with her hair like he always did.

"_Do you have some freaky hair fetish I should know about?" Paige teased as Mike twisted the ends of her hair._

"_Shut up," Mike said, rolling them over._

_Paige held her breath, waiting for Mike to make his next move. She squirmed in anticipation as he intensely watched her. Mike lifted her head slightly so he could fan her hair out beneath her. "Freak."_

"_You love it," Mike whispered against her lips before kissing her._

Mike suddenly dropped his hand and started to stand up. Perfect. He could only be near her for a few seconds before needing _space. _Paige quickly stood up and started to head back to bed when Mike reached for her wrist. Before she realized what was happening, he was kissing her. Dazed, she melted into Mike as he slowly kissed her. Paige's head was spinning and she wasn't sure if she was dreaming or not, but his lips were on hers and that was all that mattered. Mike slowly pulled back and she lingered in his embrace for a few moments longer before reaching for his hands. "You can't keep doing this."

"Kissing you?" Mike asked, lightly pressing his lips against hers. "I thought that was what you wanted earlier. Before Johnny interrupted. You never came to find me after you got back. You were avoiding me."

Paige couldn't deny it. She had been avoiding him because she was mad at him for getting her hopes up before pushing her away. "We can't keep doing this."

"I remember this being the one thing we always did well," Mike murmured against her lips before teasing her with a few more kisses.

As much as she wanted to give in, she didn't want to get distracted and found herself pushing him away, "You know what I'm talking about. We need to talk."

"We can talk tomorrow."

"Mike, I can't keep doing this push and pull with you. If you're going to push me away, then end whatever it is between us. Tell me it's over, so I know. But stop pulling me close only to push me away," Paige said, frustration leaking into her voice. "Because this back and forth is driving me insane." Giving him up wasn't an option as far as she was concerned, but she needed to know where she stood with him.

"That's not what I'm trying to do."

"You said you needed space. You didn't want to talk about things, but you kissed me." She was exhausted, but more than ready to analyze and overanalyze what this kiss meant. She was tempted to go wake up Jakes and make him play referee and she clearly wasn't getting anywhere with Mike. Maybe Jakes could make him talk.

"Yes, I kissed you."

"With everything we've been through, with everything I did, you can't just kiss me and not expect to explain yourself."

"It was a moment, Paige. Just let it be a perfect moment. It's been building between us for days and there was no one around to interrupt. If there's one thing I learned over the past few weeks is that life is short, nothing's guaranteed and you have to take what you want otherwise life will pass you by."

"What is it that you want?"

"I wanted to kiss you goodnight. Goodnight, Paige," Mike softly said, signaling the end of the conversation.

Paige was about to ask another question when it dawned on her that Mike said goodnight, not goodbye.

"It's barely 6, you should go back to sleep," Mike said. "Unless you secretly turned into a morning person."

Ignoring his attempt to lighten the mood, she defiantly crossed her arms. "You need to rest as much as I do. I wasn't just released from the hospital."

"That doesn't mean you're not hurt! I'm not blind, Paige. Do you think I'm that much of an asshole that I can't see that you're hurting?"

"My arm barely hurts and these bruises look worse than they are."

"I'm not just talking about the other day. I'm talking about all of this. You're not sleeping and when you are, you have nightmares. Just shut up and go to bed," Mike said, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice. He pushed past her and pulled back her comforter. "We're both wounded, but me almost dying trumps your almost concussion, so you have to go back to bed."

She stared at him for a few seconds, annoyed that they were already fighting just minutes after he kissed her. She was so confused right now and couldn't take much more of this emotional roller coaster. Right about now, she was wondering what she ever saw in Mike. He was infuriating. "Jerk," Paige muttered as she climbed into bed, rolling over to the far side of the bed so she wouldn't have to look at him. She waited to hear his footsteps exiting her room and was surprised when she felt the bed dip as he climbed in next to her.

She could hear Mike breathing, so she was pretty sure she wasn't imagining things. He hadn't reached out for her or said a word. She wasn't sure why he stayed with her. If it was pity or guilt or obligation or what, but he was right here next to her. As much as she didn't want to question it or push him away, she needed answers, despite Mike insisting that they would talk later. Paige rolled over to face him, propping herself up on her elbow, she watched Mike stare up at the ceiling, being careful not to look at her. Being careful to stay on his side of the bed so he didn't accidentally touch her. He just kissed her and he was worried about staying on his side of the bed?

"Why do we keep hurting each other so much?" Mike asked.

"Because we love each other. What's the saying? You always hurt the one you love?" Taking a risk at upsetting their most recent truce, she slid closer to him and carefully rested her head on his chest, waiting for him to push her away or leave the room.

Whoever said love was moonlight and roses clearly hadn't met her and Mike. Their love was messy and complicated. It bordered on toxic and despite the countless ways they hurt each other, deliberately and unintentionally, they found their way back to each other.

"I never meant to hurt you," Mike quietly said. "Everything I did, it wasn't about you. Maybe that was the problem."

"No, Mike. That wasn't the problem. What I did - how can you forgive me? Can you ever forgive me?"

"I hate what you did. I hate that you didn't trust me, but I don't hate you."

"But you can't forgive me?" Paige tearfully asked, afraid to look at him.

"I'm trying," Mike insisted. "I need time."

"Maybe you shouldn't be here." The last thing she wanted to do was push him away, but if he walked away from her now she'd have an easier time moving on with her life.

"Probably not." Mike lightly ran his hand along her back, before he started running his fingers through her hair. "But you're here, so I'm where I need to be."

THE END

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